What to do about phony invoices 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 17

Thank you, Nancy!

-20 C (-5 F) here.
Gullible Warming seems to be limited to near sources of 
hot air.
Ocean levels are dropping in California and in Alaska.
The NorthWest Passage is frozen solid, and polar bears are
migrating South.

Please resume farting around. 
-20 C (-5 F)is too cold for comfort.

Have FUN!

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texan arrested after he drives his pickup into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 17, in 1777 France recognized American independence. History ______________________________________________________ "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" --- Homer Simpson "Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. " --- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet) "When it is time to die, let us not discover that we never lived." --- Henry David Thoreau ______________________________________________________ How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Bob pressed. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to bring her daily presents, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the Jungle, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" And the little field mouse replied, "Because I haven't had my coffee yet." ______________________________________________________ Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "No, not at all. Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors, I have to partner with my wife." ______________________________________________________ Heirloom Big Book Of Classic Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more stories and pictures $10 instant download ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Parsley, 62, Gonzales, Texas
Texan arrested after he drives his pickup into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose. A Texas man accused of driving his pickup into the lobby of an Alva hotel is facing felony charges in the incident. John Parsley, 62, of Gonzales, Texas, faces two felony counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and one count of malicious injury to property over $1,000, according to oscn.net. Woods County District Attorney Chris Boring filed charges late Monday afternoon. According to an Alva Police Department incident report, Parsley drove his 2006 Sierra GMC into the lobby of Alva Comfort Inn and Suites on Thursday afternoon after asking for a refund on two transactions. According to the report, Parsley, was told the card he used initially was declined both times. “Parsley stated he had paid cash for the last two nights because his card was declined both nights,” according to the report. Alva Police Officer Wade Suffon reported he tried to explain to Parsley that he would go into the hotel to discuss the situation with management. “Parsley rolled his window down and looked at me as I was speaking to him trying to explain to him I was going to go inside to speak with the manager,” according to Suffon's report. “I observed Parsley reach up and place his vehicle in drive and accelerate rapidly, crashing into the hotel front entrance and into the lobby.” Parsley left the vehicle in the lobby and walked out with his hands up, according to the report. He was arrested and is being held in Woods County Jail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Weird invoices Dear Webby, Lately I have reeceived all kinds of weird invoices from companies I have never dealt with, usually companies that I have never heard of before. They all want me to click on a link for details. Well, as you can probably tell from my seasoned looks, I have not fallen off the turnip wagon last night. So naturally I did not click on any link. My question is where did those benighted scammers get my email address, and how can I stop getting those phony invoices? Olga Dear Olga Most of those phony invoices are from Russia. If you use MailWasher, and you have not set it to send stuff like that to hell automatically, it would tell you something like blah, blah, blah Mr. Kenton Mendez Accounting Specialist| Bank of America, N.A., Cabot Oil & Gas Corp. invoice_14318911_scan.doc If mailwasher could laugh out loud, it would. First, the .ru (Russia) in the FROM filed knocks it out. I never get legitimate mail from Russia, so I won't let them waste my time. Then ....scan.doc in the BODY knocks it down to hell. I had to look in the Recycle Bin for that example. My MailWasher dumps those automatically, without showing them to me. Just make filters like those, and you will never see those phony invoice emails ever again. Are you getting the hint why I love mailWasher so much? Have FUN! DearWebby A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 15-Minute Chicken Cacciatore A delicious meal cooked in a pressure cooker. Your house will smell like an Italian restaurant. Next time I make this recipe, I'm going to chop all the vegetables the night before. It will be even faster. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 1 (3 1/2 lb) chicken, cut into 8 pieces (I used chicken thighs, and took off the skin) 1 1/2 tsp salt, divided (I used less) 1 tsp black pepper, divided 1 can (28 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained 8 oz fresh mushrooms, cut in quarters 1 large green pepper, cut into 1-inch chunks 1 large onion, chopped 3 cloves, garlic, minced 1 jar (24 ounce) spaghetti sauce 2 tsp Italian seasoning Steps: Sprinkle the chicken with the salt and pepper. Put in a 5-quart or larger pressure cooker. Add the remaining ingredients in the order listed. Do not stir! Lock the lid. Put on high heat and bring to full pressure. Reduce the heat to maintain the pressure for 12 minutes. If you are using an electric pressure cooker, set the timer for 12 minutes. Quick release. Remove the lid, stir and serve the chicken with the sauce on the top. Source: Cook it Slow, Cook it Fast by Mr. Food By Judy Pariser S. [73] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street they see a sign which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair" Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl." They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and...." The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business." ___________________________________________________
Silent Monks singing Hallelujah Chorus
____________________________________________________ Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. ____________________________________________________ The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" ____________________________________________________
Japanese Army Brigade builds 50 ft. Vader out of snow.

Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence. 
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the 
 first street to go "One Way." 
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took 
 place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the 
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by 
 its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la 
 Plata off Uruguay to an end. 
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding 
 Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that Japanese-
 Americans were released from concentration camps. 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by 
 concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial 
 spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab 
 guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979. 
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit against 
 NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link between Newton and 
 mob figures. The reports were proven to be false. 
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart, 
 lungs, and liver transplant. 
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. He 
 had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister Brian 
 Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari signed the 
 North American Free Trade Agreement. 
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory 
 in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the 
 Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, 
 with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the 
 rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 
1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff 
 out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by 
 masked gunmen. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. 
 The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that 
 they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted 
 works and downloading them from the Internet. 
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have 
 ready for use within two years a system for protecting American 
 territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest 
 overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill 
 aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created 
 a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director.
2015  smiled.

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