Block all Nigerian emails 

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Today is Tuesday, December 29

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Virginia woman was arrested after being reported as dead by child Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 27, in 1170 St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury, was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on Henry II's orders. History ______________________________________________________ We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Peter: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. -------------------------- Peter: Why do Hell's Angels wear leather? Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. ______________________________________________________ Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? A: Make him bark? ______________________________________________________ I used to feature that picture as "Alaskans praying for spring". Now Moe corrected me. It's a new Alaskan sect. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, the An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Lee Patrick, 32, Crimora, Virginia
Virginia woman was arrested after being reported as dead by child A Crimora woman is facing a felony charge for assault and battery of a police officer after officials say she received treatment for taking "several" prescription drugs. First responders found Jennifer Lee Patrick, 32, at a carwash after her 5-year-old son walked into a Waynesboro restaurant and told the customers there he thought she was dead. Waynesboro police say the boy had walked from Pinky’s Car Wash, 105 East Ave., to Weise’s Kitchen, 130 East Broad St., on Tuesday seeking help for his mother who was in a vehicle with his 6-year-old brother. When found, Patrick was unconscious but alive. The Waynesboro First Aid Crew revived Patrick, who was "highly impaired and incoherent," said Waynesboro Police Sgt. Brian Edwards Patrick allegedly told police she had taken several prescription pills. An officer arrested Patrick after notifying child protective services, charging her with misdemeanor public intoxication and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The children were released into the care of their father. The officer then took Patrick to Augusta Health to be evaluated, but while waiting to be examined she “became difficult to manage,” kicking the officer and attempting to free herself from custody, Edwards said. According to a press release, medical personnel later examined and discharged Patrick from Augusta Health. “While the officer was escorting Patrick to his police car, Patrick continued to flail, causing her pants to fall down,” Edwards said. “She also grabbed the officer’s Taser and tried to un-holster it.” The officer attempted to stun the woman with the Taser, which Edwards said had no effect on the woman, causing the officer to use physical force to gain control of Patrick and place her in his vehicle. Patrick was charged with felony assault and battery of a law enforcement officer and a misdemeanor charge of obstruction of justice following the incident at Augusta Health, Edwards said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Paul Re: Block Nigeria? Dear Webby, Would it be a good idea to block any mail, that mentions Nigeria? Pauline Dear Pauline It would be easy to do, but is not a good idea. If you do that, and your daughter sends you an email telling you about a Nigerian scam mail, it would getr blocked too. And similar scams, that don't mention Nigeria, would get through. It is much safer to tell Mailwasher to flag mails, that contain ".doc" and ".docx", for deleting. If they are just flagged for deleting, you still hav a chance to let them through if they are legit. It COULD happen that a friend sends you an email that contains Gramma's experiments with Microsoft Word. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Key Wind Chime Take some old keys from long forgotten or lost padlocks, wrecked and binned suitcases, your granny's replaced wooden front door, and the key to untold riches which never quite fitted the lock and make them bright and colorful. Tie them and hang them to make beautiful music when the cold windy weather would otherwise make you miserable. Supplies: an old stick, twig of a tree, a pencil, or a chopstick gorgeous ribbons and braids acrylic paint and a brush or nail varnish/polish Steps: Paint your keys. Nail varnish will work better than acrylic paint. You will need much patience waiting for several coats to dry. See how I have recycled breakfast cereal packaging to protect my work surface. This has a feel good effect even if it doesn't do much to save the planet. Tie ribbons and braids to the keys Tie the other ends to your stick I used a spent raspberry cane which worked nicely. Tie a final cord for hanging Dangle and enjoy. By ShirleyE [47] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little Red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a Firefighter's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The firefighter says, "Hey, little girl, whatcha doing?" The little girl says, "I'm pretending to be a firefighter, and this is my fire truck!" The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the firefighter says. "Thanks, mister," says the little girl. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the tow rope to the dog's collar and the rein to the dog's testicles. "Little girl," says the firefighter, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that second rope around the dog's neck, I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!" ___________________________________________________
cat nurses ducklings
____________________________________________________ A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the end of it. She is so beautiful he cannot take his mind off her, so he calls the bartender over and says, "Take that woman a drink on me." The bartender says, "It won't work." "What do you mean, it won't work?" "That woman," says the barkeep, "is a hard-hearted bitch. You won't get nowhere with her - nobody does!" "Okay," says the guy. "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?" "Spanish fly? No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish Fly." "So, what the heck is Jewish fly?" "I don't know; I've never used it. You want to give it a try?" "Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets, on his way to the men's room, he reaches behind her back and drops the stuff in the woman's drink. Nothing happens for a long time, but then all of a sudden he feels her body close against his, and her voice is whispering hotly in his ear, and she's saying "I can't stand it anymore! .......You excite me so much... take me shopping!" ____________________________________________________ A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8pm he sees a General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in. (PAUSE) "Now," says the General, "I just need one copy." ____________________________________________________
Amazing haircuts for horses.

Today, December 29, in
1170 St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury, 
 was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on 
 Henry II's orders. 
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship 
 HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before 
 Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the 
 Java he had her wheel removed to replace the one the 
 Constitution had lost during the battle. 
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S. 
 steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light 
 at the White House. 
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled 
 warship, was launched. 
1888 The first performance of Macbeth took place at the 
 Lyceum Theatre. 
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 unarmed men, 
 women and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. after they had 
 been persuaded to hand over all weapons. This was the last 
 major battle between Indians and U.S. troops. 
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a 
 Republican China. 
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary 
 bombs on London. 
1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in 
 Nashville, TN. 
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for sale 
 by Sonotone Corporation. 
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's 
 LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for business 
 after eighteen years and $47 million expended on restoration. 
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate some 
 Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat people' 
 battled with riot police. 
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist Guatemalan 
 National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord in Guatemala 
 City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36 years. 
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the entire 
 population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.' 
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in 
 Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 
2015  smiled.

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