Priority: Monitor or RAM ? 

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Today is Thursday, January 14

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon woman, who was too drunk to find car with month-old baby inside. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 14 1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for Britain's Queen Victoria. History ______________________________________________________ To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes into the confession booth at church. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my son?" Asks the priest. "Well, about a month ago I was in the library until closing time, and when I wanted to leave it started to rain very heavily and didn't let up. After some time me and the librarian lost our patience and... well.. partied all night, if you catch my drift." "That is bad but not horrible, my son," Said the priest, "if it is a one-time slip, God will forgive you." "That's just the thing," said the man, "about a week ago I helped my neighbor fix her shutters, and when I wanted to go home it started raining heavily and... well.. you know, all night long." The priest remains silent. The man covers his face in his hands and starts sobbing, "What should I do now, father?" "What should you DO??" Screamed the priest, "You should get out of here right now before it rains!" ______________________________________________________ The formula for a happy marriage is the same as how to live in California; if you find a fault don't dwell on it. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terra Nicole Brandenberg, 31, West Linn, Oregon
Oregon woman was too drunk to find car with month-old baby inside. A woman whose blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit was arrested Wednesday after police say she falsely reported her car stolen with her 4-week-old son inside. Terra Nicole Brandenburg, 31, apparently misplaced her SUV after she bought wine at a gas station, said Sgt. Dave Kempas, a West Linn Police Department spokesman. The baby was found unharmed inside the car, as was a 3-year old Doberman Pinscher, he said. Police say that Brandenburg, who who lives in West Linn and Oregon City, had purchased gas at a Fred Meyer in Oregon City and was driving to West Linn when her 2006 BMW sport utility vehicle hit the Oregon City-West Linn Arch Bridge. She pulled the damaged vehicle into an apartment complex across the street from a 76 gas station in West Linn, apparently to use the restroom, Kempas said. She bought a box of wine and left. Brandenburg then went back inside and told a clerk her car had been stolen with her baby inside. She started making calls to family, which the clerk thought was strange, Kempas said. The clerk told Brandenburg to call police, which she did. Responding officers quickly ascertained the SUV was not stolen. West Linn's police dispatch, which had sent a request for an Amber Alert to the Oregon State Police at 5:09 p.m., canceled it eight minutes later, Kempas said. At one point, Brandenburg ran from a police lieutenant who easily caught her, Kempas said. Her blood-alcohol level was 0.25 percent, he said. In Oregon, the legal limit is 0.08 percent. Brandenburg was lodged at the Clackamas County Jail on accusations of driving under the influence of intoxicants, first- and second-degree criminal mistreatment, reckless endangering, second-degree child neglect, initiating a false report, reckless driving, and disorderly conduct, according to a news release from the West Linn Police Department. Brandenburg's bail was set at $63,500, according to the news release. The baby was picked up by his father, Kempas said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: RAM or monitor Dear Webby, I am going to buy myself a brand new computer. I can't quite get my dream system and have to cut corners either on RAM or on monitor size. Thanks Rita Dear Rita Skimp on the RAM and get the best monitor you can. RAM shortage only leads to temporary annoyances, but a too small or too coarse monitor will lead to vision problems that are permanent. You can always get more RAM later, but you can't get better eyes. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and says "Oh WOW! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cake Dome Heat Saver We occasionally purchase cakes from the grocery store deli that come with those plastic domed lids. I saved the last couple, sure I could figure out something useful to do with it. Well, I realized they make great heat savers for your plate of food if you're not quite ready to eat. Also, they would be great for summertime to place over plates and avoid bugs on your food. These are both things that have come in very useful for us, hopefully they will for you too. :) By melissa [269] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ___________________________________________________
Toto - Africa (like you've never heard)
____________________________________________________ The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________ The veterinarian told Trisha that her dog needed some exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Trisha said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can't throw." ____________________________________________________
Take a walk in the rain and not get wet.

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental Orders," 
 was adopted. 
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War. 
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on his life. 
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered as 
 a trademark. 
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria. 
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, Jamaica. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. 
 President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from 
 Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime 
 Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the 
 country's Parliament. 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage 
 only lasted nine months. 
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. 
 The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise 
 off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 
1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined 
 Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional 
 tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to 
 criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation 
 and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 
1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The 
 alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton at 
 the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI 
 background files on past Republican political appointees. 
1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the 
 aging process and cell death. 
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the 
 sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be 
 used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 
2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 
 25 years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a 
 Bosnian village. 
2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the 
 Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and 
 priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures 
 during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was 
 launched on October 15, 1997.
2015  smiled.

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