How to reduce paper usage 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an SC Woman, who was arrested after she bit off guard's finger after stealing condoms, lubricant from Walmart. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 15 1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that all churches were to be closed. History ______________________________________________________ "A collection of a hundred Great brains makes one big fathead." --- Carl Gustav Jung ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was driving down a local street one day in an open convertible and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a cop was watching the intersection. The cop pulled out after him and stopped him 2 blocks away and asked him for his " License, registration and proof of insurance" The driver said: "Hey I wanna know exactly what I did wrong first?" The Officer responded "Please watch your tone of voice, you failed the stop sign back there!" The driver said: "Hey man, I slowed down enough, what the heck is the difference?" The police officer then pulled out his night stick and his long flashlight began bonking them over the mans head in a spirited drum solo. Within seconds the driver was howling: "Hey, man, stop that. Stop it. Stop, please!" The officer said " Now, do you want me to really stop, or just slow down a bit ?" ______________________________________________________ A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! We missed it by a half hour!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big version ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, The Stoncarver at \ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carolynn Elizabeth Wright, 23, MYRTLE BEACH, S.C.
SC Woman arrested after she bit off guard's finger after stealing condoms, lubricant from Walmart. A 23-year-old woman has been charged with assault after police say she stole items from a Myrtle Beach Walmart and got into a fight with two loss prevention officers, according to a police report. Carolynn Elizabeth Wright was arrested on Sunday by Myrtle Beach Police. The arrest came after police responded to an assault call at the Walmart on Seaboard Street. When officers arrived they saw a group of people and a gold van, according to a police report. Two women, both loss prevention officers for the store, told police they tried to stop Wright after they saw her conceal several items and exit the store. A fight ensued between the women and Wright. The women said Wright punched one of them in the side of her head, causing bleeding around her left ear. The other woman said Wright bit down on her finger and wouldn't let go, causing a portion of her finger to come off. Another woman told police Wright grabbed her phone when she tried to call 911 and, when she reached over to get her phone back, Wright grabbed her hair. The woman said she punched Wright in the face to get her to let go of her hair. A man told police Wright went inside the store and when she came back she told him to run. When he said, "What?" she replied, "Drive!" But there was someone standing in front of the van he was driving. A short time later police responded. The items reported stolen include: condoms valued at $7.98, lubricant valued at $2.94, clothing valued at $9.97, two pairs of panties valued at $6.96 each, and one camisole valued at $1.68. Wright had pleaded guilty to a shoe attack while working as a stripper at a Myrtle Beach strip club in March 2015.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kath Re: Paper expenses Dear Webby, My paper expenses are getting out of hand, partly because I print out the instructions for most programs. Help! Kath Dear Kath Get Clickbook. If you loose this link, it is also in my Tool Box at I have had it there since the days, when I was using a dot matrix printer. With ClickBook you select Clickbook as your printer, then one out of over 170 different formats. My favorite one is 4 pages per sheet paperback format, folded. The first time you use it, it tells you to feed a sheet then drop it down into the feed tray and print it again. It puts marks onto the sheet and tells you to select which ones you see and where. That tells it how your printer works. After that you print your stuff, and when it has one side printed, it tells you to drop the printed stuff down into the paper tray without turning, and hit OK. Then it prints the back sides. It does the mindboggling task of figuring out what goes behind each page, so that all the pages are in proper sequence, when you take the stack and fold it in half. Just fold it in half, and use a wooden hammer or your heaviest shoe, and hammer the fold nice and tight, hammer some heavy staples through the fold, and glue a nice cover page around your paperback size booklet. This sounds a bit complicated, but is actually quite simple. When you see how it prints 4 pages per sheet of paper, or more, if you pick a pocket book format, you will be quite delighted about your paper savings. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with thecost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Other Uses for Tomato Cages Instead of using cones to help a teen learn driving maneuverability; we used the tall tomato cages, upside down of course. They worked perfectly! Double function, too! By Rene' ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When Steven returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Hmmm," said Steven very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're darn right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had... the ones I nipped at that Hotel on our honeymoon." ___________________________________________________
bear tagging in Canada
____________________________________________________ Two kids, aged 10 and 12 were sitting under a quilt on the couch watching television. Their mother joined them, and complained that there was not enough quilt for her. The 10 year old replied "That's because the quilt is in portrait not landscape!" And sure enough, when they turned the quilt to "landscape", they all fit under it quite nicely! ____________________________________________________ The doctor was examining a young model who was having tremendous pain in her side. "My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said. The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try flirting with me, I just want to be examined, not complimented." ____________________________________________________
How does he do that?

Today, January 15, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned.
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
 all churches were to be closed. 
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the 
 U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a 
 Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the 
 donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the 
 rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved 
 attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known 
 as basketball. 
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was 
1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed 
 in Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the 
 Owens-Illinois Glass Company Laboratory. 
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office 
 building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. 
 The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of 
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built 
 by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 
1967 The first National Football League Super Bowl was played. 
 The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs of the 
 American Football League. The final score was 35-10. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S. 
 offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace 
 negotiations as the excuse. 
1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 
1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a 
 commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the 
 first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the 
 beginning of "Top Gun." 
2001 Wikipedia was launched. 
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had 
 permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 
2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when 
 it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust 
 from comet Wild 2.
2015  smiled.

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