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Today is Saturday, January 23

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California Drug Investigator Busted Smuggling Pot Cross-Country Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, January 23 1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to have killed about 830,000 people. History ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." --- W. M. Lewis ______________________________________________________ Daffinitions: Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, you know. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver, also from AFIMSO.ORG Aside from his own work, Walter is helping to restore statues in the famous Staglieno cemetery in Italy. As you can see, the statues show damage by hundreds of years of pollution and are in dire need of restorative work. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Mark Heath, 37, Yuba, California California Drug Investigator Busted Smuggling Pot Cross-Country As a drug investigator in Yuba County, California, Christopher Mark Heath made a living tracking down smugglers selling locally harvested marijuana. Now the former Marine is accused of crossing the line and joining the traffickers, a turn that could undermine dozens of cases he worked as a deputy sheriff in one of the country's most productive, and policed, pot-growing regions. Heath, 37, and two of his alleged partners from northern California were arrested late last month in rural West Manheim Township, Pennsylvania, after police said they intercepted a planned delivery. In the men's pickup trucks, officers found more than 122 pounds of pot and about $11,000 cash. Heath admitted that they'd driven the bundles — worth an estimated $2 million — across the country, according to court documents. At the time, Heath was on vacation as a member of a narcotics task force covering Yuba and Sutter counties, north of Sacramento, authorities said. He had his badge and service gun in his car, York County District Attorney Tom Kearney said in a news conference Monday. Heath has been released after posting $1 million bail with help from a bond company, according to court documents. He and his alleged partners are due to appear in a York County, Pennsylvania courtroom next month. He has been placed on leave from the Yuba County Sheriff's Office. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robin Re: Re: Can't cast vote, Dear Webby Re: Can't cast vote. Is the Ezinefinder down? Robin Dear Robin Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is not working, and has not worked since December. I have written to them a few times, but they don't respond to me. I guess they think the big Linux bully is picking on the widdle MAC people. You can try writing to They MIGHT answer you. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An Irishman walks into a bar, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me. I've quit drinking." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Gluten Free Lemon Bars These are the best lemon bars I've ever tasted. I tweaked the recipe a little to make them gluten free so my Mom could enjoy them, too. Easy to make and delicious! Approximate Time: 40 minutes Yield: 9-12 depending on how you cut them Ingredients: Crust 1/2 cup butter-softened 1/3 cup sugar 1 cup gluten free Bisquick Pam cooking spray Filling 3/4 cup sugar 2 eggs 3 Tbsp gluten free Bisquick zest from 1 large lemon juice from 1 large lemon Topping powdered sugar Steps: Combine softened butter, sugar and gluten free Bisquick in a bowl and mix together until it resembles coarse crumbs. Spray a 9x9 inch baking dish with Pam. Be sure to get the sides sprayed well too. Press crumb mixture into the bottom of dish. Pack down well, especially around the edges. Bake this at 350 degrees F for 15-17 minutes until edges are brown. While this is cooking mix the eggs, sugar and Bisquick together in a bowl. Grate lemon peel from a large lemon and then juice the lemon and add to mixture. Beat on medium speed until blended. Once the crust is finished cooking, pour the wet mixture on top of crust. Be sure to stir the mixture up real good right before pouring over crust. Return to oven and continue baking until top is golden; about 20 minutes. When done remove from oven and sprinkle with powdered sugar. While still hot, take a spatula and gently go around the edges of the dish. This will make removal easier once it has cooled. Once it is cooled, cut into squares and enjoy! Source: Bethel Methodist Church cookbook By Ida Claire [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school the officer was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?" "Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," he told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward him, "would you please tie my shoe?" ------------- That is getting to be a common state of affairs. Kids, who have microwaved their brain with cell phones have great difficulties tying proper knots or sewing on buttons. ___________________________________________________
Man sings puppies to sleep
____________________________________________________ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Isn't this 223-1374? "No, this is 322-1374." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ____________________________________________________ >From Deacon Jerry I've been barred in CPR courses from practicing on ResusciAnnie until I finish writing my book, "How to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation without getting emotionally involved." ____________________________________________________ ... ish-cover/ "> I love the bagpipes and this is lovely music. I also love men in Kilts.

Today, January 23, in
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to 
 have killed about 830,000 people.
1845 The U.S. Congress decided all national elections would 
 be held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. 
1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the Allies 
 to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 
1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during Josef 
 Stalin's "Great Purge." 
1943 The British captured Tripoli from the Germans. 
1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming 
 Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 
1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscaphe Trieste descended to a record 
 depth of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific Ocean. 
1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging 
 it had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a 
 spying mission. The crew was released 11 months later. 
 They kept the ship.
1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature ever 
 recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80 degrees. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had been 
 reached to end the Vietnam War. 
1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to 
 environment. They were the first country to do so. 
1983 "The A-Team" debuted on TV. 
1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to 
 be elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. 
1989 Surrealist artist Salvador Dali died in Spain at age 84. 
1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to death 
 for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA headquarters in 
 1993 that killed two men and wounded three other people. 
1997 A British woman received a record £186,000 damages for 
 Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). 
2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the "Texas 7" 
 was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few hours later 
 police surrounded a hotel where the convicts were hiding. 
 Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into custody 
 the next morning without incident. 
2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI custody. 
 Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S. citizens, 
 providing support to terrorists and engaging in prohibited 
 transactions with the Taliban while a member of the 
 al-Quaida terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 
2003 North Korea announced that it would consider sanctions 
 about North Korea's reinstatement of its nuclear program 
 an act of war.
2015  smiled.

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