Method for sending illustrated manual update 



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Today is Tuesday, February 2

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DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida arrestedfor exposing breasts, throwing pork chops in altercation Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 2, in 1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. History ______________________________________________________ If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett (1936 - ) Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Auto-Correct: A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to age ten years every time I take off my hat!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christine Taylor, 31, Jensen Beach, Florida Florida arrestedfor exposing breasts, throwing pork chops in altercation A break in the teacher sex epidemic: A Jensen Beach woman was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge after allegedly exposing herself and throwing grilled meat during an altercation, TCPalm.com reports. Martin County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to the 2500 block of Northeast Indian River Drive in Jensen Beach Jan. 2 after a male victim reported Christine Taylor, 31, was causing a disturbance. Taylor had reportedly been drinking and was trying to start a fight with residents in the mobile home park. Taylor allegedly exposed her breasts to the victim and his three children before toppling a barbecue grill and throwing pork chops. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: B Frick Re: Method for sending manual update Dear Webby We want to email out some urgent corrections to the manual of one of our products instead of snail-mailing the correction pages or entire manuals. It contains some graphics and some look-up tables, not just text. My secretary wants to do it with a PDF file but I think there must be a better way. What would you recommend? B Frick Dear B Aside from upgrading your secretarial staff immediately, I would recommend ANYTHING but PDF for that. PDF is just for reading and printing. It is difficult to use or to copy / paste it into the old manual. Just send it as regular email. As you can see with the Humor Letter, adding pictures is absolutely no problem. I have been doing that since about 1994. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Tuna Fish Cakes (Gluten Free) Turn a can of tuna into delicious fish cakes. This recipe is both easy and economical. The fish cakes can be served as a light snack on its own. It could also be served with a green salad and potato chips, which would turn it into a complete meal. The fish cakes are very flavorsome, even though it has a low salt level and gluten free flour. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 5-6 fish cakes, depending on the size of the fish cakes Ingredients: 1 can (170g) light tuna in salt water (119g drained) 1/2 cup Orgran Gluten Free Pizza & Pastry Multimix 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 cup (125ml) grated carrots 1 Tbsp finely chopped green pepper 1 egg 1 Tbsp milk 1/4 tsp ground black pepper pinch of salt pinch of mustard powder cooking oil for frying 3 Tbsp Orgran flour to coat the fish cakes before frying them Steps: Drain the tuna. Add all the ingredients to a bowl and use a wooden spoon to mix well together. Heat the oil in a frying pan. The oil should be approximately 1½ inches deep. In the palm of your hand, shape a ball and then flatten it to form a fish cake. Repeat until no more of the mixture is left. Coat the fish cakes with Orgran flour and fry in heated oil until the fish cakes are golden brown. Flip them to fry on both sides. Remove from oil and drain slightly on brown paper to remove excess oil. Serve with a dollop of mayonnaise. By Benetta [219] You can use Tuna in oil too. Just rinse it with hot water and let it drip in a colander. I also add finely chopped chives or green onions for a bit of zest. For frying them, I use a 4 inch "1 egger" frying pan to save on oil. Remember to cover the frying pan with a splatter guard! Those fish cakes WILL spit at you! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabbit or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabbit over there?" She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfhon weally givths a thit." ___________________________________________________
Boys will ALWAYS be boys!
____________________________________________________ This one is best read out loud: One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ____________________________________________________ A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number." ____________________________________________________
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Today, February 2, in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by 
 Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 
1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was 
 incorporated. 
1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the 
 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions 
 of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, 
 Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. 
 The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility 
 of all claims against Mexico by American citizens. Texas 
 had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 
1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in 
 San Francisco, CA. 
1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first 
 time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is 
 Mark Twain. 
1870 The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more 
 than carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was 
 alleged to be the petrified remains of a human. 
1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 
1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first 
 successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 
1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 
1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 
1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history 
 when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. 
 The studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison. 
1897 The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was 
 destroyed by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated 
 nine years later on the same site. 
1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened. Even though 
 construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 
 people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 
1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph 
 machine, in Portage, WI. 
1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from 
 the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. 
 Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd. 
1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 
1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 
 400 years. 
1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that 
 ousted President Milton Obote. 
1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports 
 surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that 
 targeted members of the U.S. Congress. Phony Arab businessmen 
 were used in the operation. 
1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, 
 after nine years of military occupation. 
1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the 
 African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget 
 in 30 years. 
1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when 
 a cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 
1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected 
 president of Venezuela in December 1998. 
2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an 
 office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers 
 for Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the 
 powder was the poison ricin.
2015  smiled.


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