Laptop and Blackberry 

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Today is Thursday, February 4

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pasco woman arrested after she uses ‘defecated pants’ as excuse for stealing $199 in groceries from Publix Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 4, in 1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its former colonies, the United States of America. History ______________________________________________________ Live well. It is the greatest revenge. --- The Talmud ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ A certain motivational speaker snuck out the back stage exit for a smoke while an assistant was showing a short audivisual presentation. Out there, huddled against the rain under the shelter of the stage loading dock were some members of a school board meeting who had gone outside "for some fresh air". One of them recognized him by his bright name tag and instantly struck up a conversation as if she was familiar with him. "Tell me," she asked, "how do you detect in somebody whether they have potential for success or not?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' She thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paula Jay Ernst, 51, Pasco, Floriduh Pasco woman arrested after she uses ‘defecated pants’ as excuse for stealing $199 in groceries from Publix Deputies say a Land O’ Lakes woman used reusable grocery bags to steal $199 worth of groceries from a Hernando Publix grocery store and then claimed she walked out of the store without paying because she had crapped in her pants. On Friday, Jan. 29, Publix workers saw Paula Jay Ernst, 51, selecting items and putting them in her shopping cart at the Public located at 14371 Spring Hill Drive. She then allegedly took the groceries from her shopping cart and put them into reusable Publix shopping bags, which she had brought with her. Hernando County Sheriff’s Office detectives say Ernst walked out of the store without paying for the groceries. The incident was recorded by surveillance cameras. Publix employees wrote down Ernst’s license plate number. She was then contacted at her home by telephone and agreed to return to the store. After she was arrested, Ernst told deputies she did not mean to steal the items and walked out of the store because she had defecated in her pants, according to an arrest affidavit. Ernst was charged with shoplifting and booked into the Hernando County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Laptop and Blackberry Dear Webby Thanks so much for all your help over the years. This I think is a 3-fold question. First, just got a new Blackberry Classic phone which has Blackberry Blend on it to integrate with my computer. My computer is running on Windows XP. Seems that Blackberry Blend and Windows XP don't blend! So can't use Blackberry Blend between phone and computer. My tower computer is almost 15 years old. It's been fixed/updated, etc. many times. So, now I'm thinking with all this new technology that I just might as well buy a laptop. My next question is - which one? I don't watch movies, I do listen to some music. It's mainly used for emails, Facebook, banking, online shopping , office work, spreadsheets etc. Guess that was only 2 questions! lol! So, new laptop which one to accommodate BlackerryBlend and my new Blackberry Classic phone. Thanks again for your help, Wendy (Gwen) Dear Wendy Pretty well any new laptop should be able to handle that. Look at what DELL has to offer. They have the best warranty and online support. Haggle out the details over the phone. Their number is free. They will of course try to sell you a bigger machine than necessary, but you can haggle them down to your intended budget. You can also try Acer. They have some models with very large screens, for example the V3 or the e come with 17.3" screens. They are heavy klunkers intended for office use, not for yuppies to take them to Starbucks. However, for a home office they are just fine. I have a G model, that I got about 6 years ago, which I have lugged through many deserts and up many a mountain, and it is still working fine. You need a back-pack style carry case and be in fairly good shape to lug them through a large airport, but in your case, to replace the desktop in your home, they would be just fine. Because all the yuppies want small and light models suitable for the small tables at Starbucks, these big and heavy clunkers frequently go on sale at Staples and similar stores. I got mine for $330. Once you have narrowed your choices down online, check your local stores. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I can answer all of my mail before the first one climbs over it!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keep Asparagus Fresh Put your asparagus upright in a couple of inches of water. It will stay fresher several days longer than conventional methods. Source: Williams Sonoma cooking class By Judy Pariser S. [81] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" ___________________________________________________
the fork (it's kinda special)
____________________________________________________ An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!" ____________________________________________________ Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that mangy mutt out to the woods and put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no more." ____________________________________________________
The beautiful Northern Lights filmed in real time near Fairbanks, Alaska.

Today, February 4, in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with 
 its former colonies, the United States of America. 
1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the 
 first president of the United States. 
1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 
1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was established. 
1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, 
 to form the Confederate States of America. 
1865 The Hawaiian Board of Education was formed. 
1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege 
 to Port Arthur. 
1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable 
 tire-carrying rims. 
1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States 
 at Lake Placid, NY. 
1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be 
 produced synthetically. 
1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth. 
 The country later became known as Sri Lanka. 
1953 "The Stooge" premiered at the Paramount Theatre in New York City. 
1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling 
 portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19 pounds. 
1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle of Wight. 
1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 
1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by the 
 Symbionese Liberation Army. 
1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than 
 22,000 people. 
1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a tripling 
 of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 
1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and flashed 
 a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. Observers saw it 
 only as a momentary flash. 
1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the death 
 of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents 
 were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory damages. 
1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way to 
 Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 
1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th National Hockey 
 League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux reached the milestone 
 second fastest in history. Gretzky had reached the plateau during his 
 718th game. 
1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000	people were killed in an 
 earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 
1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after rockets were 
 fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on either side. 
2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition government 
 that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party. European Union 
 sanctions were a result of the action. 
2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country was 
 replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics, 
 Serbia and Montenegro. 
2004 The social networking website was launched. 
2015  smiled.

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