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Today is Sunday, February 28

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas judge busted for drunk driving pleads for special treatment: 'You are going to ruin my life'. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 28, in 1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. History ______________________________________________________ It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "God is OK. He won't tell my wife." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Phoenix Rising! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nora Longoria, 49, McAllen, Texas Texas judge busted for drunk driving pleads for special treatment: 'You are going to ruin my life'. A Texas appeals court judge appealed for some special treatment when she was busted for drunk driving over the weekend. Justice Nora Longoria was going 69 mph in her Lexus in a 55-mph zone when she was stopped by cops in McAllen just after 1 a.m. on Saturday morning, according to court records obtained by the Valley Morning Star. As she slurred her words, Longoria begged the officers for leniency even though she admitted she had five beers that evening, the last one three hours before getting behind the wheel. “Please let me go home," she said, according to the Valley Morning Star. "I live a couple of miles away ... you are going to ruin my life. I worked hard for 25 years to be where I am today." In addition, Longoria, 49, refused to let cops put handcuffs on her until they threatened her with a charge of resisting arrest, according to the documents. Longoria also declined to take a Breathalyzer after failing several sobriety tests. She was charged with driving while intoxicated and was released from jail later that morning after posting $2,000 bond. She was elected to the 13th Court of Appeals in 2012, and now she tells cops they are ruining her, because she was drunk as a skunk. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wanda Re: Shortcut keys Dear Webby Thanks very much for all those keyboard shortcuts! My mom used to have these cardboard strips that fit onto the keyboard above the F keys and that had keyboard shortcuts printed on them. She had a strip for WordPerfect and one for Quattro and one for her magic mystery bats. Could you, pretty please, make us a strip like that for the keyboard shortcuts we need nowadays? Thanks xoxox Wanda Dear Wanda Your style seems somehow familiar, and so is the term "magic mystery bats". Please give my regards to your mother! OK, since you asked so nicely, I made a strip with the keyboard shortcuts for nowadays. You can see it and print the strip from that page at Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Carla Dear Webby, re those two boys and their baptism,.... in our church we too have "pisscapalians", but here that's the name for those who sneak out for a potty break and who get stuck at the Capucino machine in the lobby until well after the collection plate has been passed. Carla ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Banana-Cinnamon Muffins with Crumb Topping By Jackie H. [141 Posts, 38 Comments] These muffins are a nice healthy crunchy snack with coffee in the morning! Banana-Cinnamon Muffins with Crumb Topping Ingredients: Muffins 2/3 cup sugar 1 stick butter, softened 2 eggs 2/3 cup mashed bananas (3 bananas) 1 tsp vanilla 1-2/3 all purpose flour 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1 tsp (heaping) cinnamon Topping 1/4 cup white sugar 1/4 cup light brown sugar 1 tsp cinnamon 1/4 cup melted butter Steps: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease cupcake pan with shortening, spray flour, or line them with paper wrappers. In a medium bowl, beat sugar, butter and eggs until smooth. Stir in the remaining ingredients, flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon & bananas & vanilla. Mix until all moistened. Fill baking cups 2/3 full. Bake for 17-21 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Take them out and let them cool on a wire rack. In a small bowl melt the butter, and in a second bowl mix the sugar, brown sugar and cinnamon. Take the muffin and dip it in the butter and then the crumb mix. Do this to each muffin. It gives each muffin a crumbly topping. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Some Taliban decide to start a chicken farm. They get some chickens and plant them in the ground, headfirst. When all the chickens die, the farmers are somewhat confused, but they don't give up. They get some more chickens, but these are planted feet-first. It takes a little longer, but eventually the second batch of chickens die, too. They decide to write a letter to the agriculture bureau. In the letter they explain in detail the procedures they have followed and their disappointing results. A few weeks later they receive this reply from the bureau: "Before we can advise you, please send us a soil sample." ___________________________________________________
tool station - not under my roof
____________________________________________________ While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!" ____________________________________________________ Sue wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appointment but was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only. On Saturday she got there by 9 a.m and there were already ten people waiting. Sue drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings. The situation seemed hopeless, so she went home. Her husband greeted her at the door. "That was fast !" he said cheerfully. "And your hair looks great!" ____________________________________________________
An LED hula hoop makes for some interesting light painting.

Today on February 28
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad 
 incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight. 
1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a 
 12-inch gun exploded. 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived 
 in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left 
 New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 
 21 days. 
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 
 slavery opponents began the new political group. 
1883 The first vaudeville theater opened. 
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 
1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which 
 had been under siege since November 2, 1899. 
1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized. 
1940 The first televised basketball game was shown. The game 
 featured Fordham University and the University of Pittsburgh 
 from Madison Square Gardens in New York. 
1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there 
 were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 
1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. 
 Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix 
 structure of DNA. 
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 
1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after 
 a break of seven years. 
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired. 
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in 
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed religious 
 cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the leader of 
 the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms charges. 
 Four agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day standoff 
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters 
 shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly 
 zone over central Bosnia. 
1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month delay. 
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" 
 in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 
2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim 
 neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 
2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational slingshot 
 against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory towards Pluto. 
2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to 
 resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign 
 voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 
2016  smiled.

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