Thumbnail Maker 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, March 14

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award AND a Darwin Award goes to a Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape an alligator Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 14, in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. ______________________________________________________ "Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else." --- PJ Orourke Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a classic that keeps coming back: A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Thanks to Shirley M for these famous quotes from TV shows: Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin A ward has been earned by Jimmy Olsen 24, Naples, Floriduh Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape a young alligator A zoo keeper was killed this morning in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo, while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12 foot long reptile. According to Captain Henri White, spokesman of the Naples Police Department, 24-year old Jimmy Olsen was engaged in full sexual intercourse with one of the younger reptiles, when he was surprised by one of the larger animals which attacked from behind. The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator, who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Jimmy Olsen’s death took place around 6:00 AM this morning, but his disappearance was noticed only an hour later by other employees. They finally discovered his dismembered body floating in the pool of the alligator enclosure around 8:30. “The images captured by the security cameras show that Mr Olsen had clearly placed himself in a very vulnerable position,” Captain White told reporters. “He had his pants around his knees and was lying down on top of one the animals, with his back to the others. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance! We can see him being dragged in the water, then he disappears from sight. He was probably dead within thirty seconds of the attack.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patricia Re: Thumbnail maker Dear Webby I need a program for making thumbnails of a huge number of pictures. And NO, it can not be anything as dangerous as a paint program, it has to be simple and hubby-proof and not have the option of accidentally destroying the original by overwriting it with a little thumbnail. Also, I don't want a program that makes proof sheets because there will have to be some serious weeding out first. Just something simple and fast that will process a drive or a directory full of pictures in one batch and not need any messing around with individual pictures. Thanks Patricia Dear Patricia For that I would recommend Oscar's Thumb-Maker. You can download it free from It's at the right hand bottom of that page. The left side of that page is just the story of why Oscar wrote that thumbnail maker. The trick with that program is to FIRST make a folder where you want it to store the thumbnails. The rest is easy. Browse to the drive or directory that has the originals, select that. Browse to the destination directory and select that. Choose the size, and hit start. It takes about 1/2 to 3/4 of a second per picture, and when it stops flashing the thumbnails in a high speed slide show, it is done. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ It was Judi's first plane trip. Boarding the aircraft she settled into a window seat in the smoking section. A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat." "Go away and find another seat!" Judi replied. He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Removing the Inside of an Egg By Katherine Main [1 Post] Stick a hole in each end of the egg with a needle being careful not to crack the egg as you slowly get the hole started with the needle. You then blow on one end of the raw egg and the egg will go through the other end if the hole is as large as the head of a pin. Hold over a bowl. You can use the eggs to make scrambled eggs if you are doing a lot. This is the only method I know of how to remove raw eggs and then you can place a sequin with glue over the small hole. Use a leather needle for the holes! They are like a 3 sided pyramid drawn to a sharp point, with each corner of the pyramid sharp enough to cut thick leather. You can twirl it like a drill and grind a hole into the shell. There is no strain on the shell and never a crack. Once you have both holes needle size, you can use a cheap 3/16" drillbit to enlage the exit hole. Just twirl it between thumb and forefinger, like you did with the leather needle. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. My neighbor Bob can vouch for that. He got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When he undid the woman in front of him in the checkout line, she turned and hit him with a frozen chicken. ___________________________________________________
an old trick with a new twist
____________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain what the value of the insured property was just before it burned, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ____________________________________________________ A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a minute?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere." ____________________________________________________
These cookies are too pretty to eat!

Today on March 14
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and 
 Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on 
 board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East 
 Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom 
 of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links 
 across the Channel. 
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification 
 of the Gold Standard Act. 
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's 
 laws of heredity. 
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have 
 relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after 
 their war. 
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with 
 Germany in naval strength. 
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to 
 assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car 
 from 12˝ hours to 93 minutes. 
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off 
 the Chilean coast. 
1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file 
 an income tax report. 
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide. 
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only 
 judge is God and itself. 
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared 
 its independence. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. 
 President to fly in an airplane while in office. 
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by 
 the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway viaduct. 
 It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista 
 government of Cuba making it possible for Castro to defeat the government. 
1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation 
 with the Soviet Union. 
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. 
 The PLO bases were hit. 
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft 
 crashed into a factory. 
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near 
 Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard 
 the plane. 
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they 
 had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 
1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in 
 its 23-year history. 
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President 
 George H.W. Bush. 
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part 
 in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the 
 police fabricated evidence. 
1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after 
 U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 
1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to 
 enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an 
 anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out 
 Islamic militants. 
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali 
 al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over 
 Lockerbie, Scotland. 
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
 Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2016  smiled.

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