When invoices take up too much space 

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Today is Sunday, March 27

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio Ice cream parlor owner who sexually assaulted underage employees. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 27, in 1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped execution. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home." ______________________________________________________ A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the leftovers from last Sunday!" ______________________________________________________ >From my dad This one bloomed today ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Thanks to Wayne for reporting this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danny Kitsos Powell, Ohio Ohio business owner charged for sexually assaulting underage employees A Delaware County business owner has been indicted on charges including rape and supplying illegal substances to underage female employees. Danny Kitsos was indicted on charges of rape, unlawful sexual conduct with a minor, sexual battery, compelling prostitution, selling, purchasing, distributing, or delivering dangerous drugs and supplying alcohol to minors. Kitsos is the former owner of Rita's Italian Ice in Powell and all of the victims were his employees at the time of the offenses. The indictment states that all five victims were under the age of 18 and the incidents took place between September 2012 to October 2015. The Delaware County Prosecutor's Office confirmed that Kitsos turned himself in to authorities Friday afternoon. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: Invoices take too much space Dear Webby We save the doc files of all invoices, and the PDF files we make from those, but they are beginning to take up more space than I want to allocate for that. We can't do them online like you do, because half the clients are not online. We have to send them out as paper invoices. Any tips? Britta Dear Britta Proabbly a large portion of your invoice files are the logo, header, and footer. You can also move the small print and the paying instructions into the footer, since they never change. You CAN use common headers and footers in most word processors, but the most compact files are with HTML. You can view them with your browser right on your computer, without uploading them, and print them. To pull in a header you just type <.!--#include virtual="header.html"--> That includes the entire header, fancy logo and all, in time for viewing and printing. However, the file that you save has just that line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ When your wife asks, "Do I look fat"? The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fun Ways to Make Easter Eggs By Donna [318 Posts, 335 Comments] pproximate Time: 1 hour Yield: 2 dozenFun Ways to Make Easter Eggs Ingredients: 12 hard boiled eggs 3 Tbsp mayonnaise, Nayo (Vegan Mayo) or Miracle Whip Any of your favorite spices in your cabinets. I tried: smoked paprika, salsa, sweet & sour cabbage, mustard, pickle relish, pesto, capers, green olives, and sesame seeds Steps: Hard boil your eggs and let them cool. Cut them in half and gently scoop out the yolks. Take a few yolks (I used 4 halves) and add your favorite spices along with 1 Tbsp. mayo. I had smoked paprika yokes with olive slices and capers. I mixed pesto with pickle relish and dotted some with Dijon mustard. They were all fantastic! Try different combinations! Then I filled a pastry bag with some mixed yolk and mayo. Then I piped a little peep into the half. I used black sesame seeds for the eyes. Just a lot of fun and made us all laugh. Then we gobbled them up! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night." ___________________________________________________
tree spade
____________________________________________________ An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion !" he howled. "Which of you Idiots let the bull loose?" ____________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours." ____________________________________________________
Rock Balancing. And I have trouble balancing my checkbook!

Today on March 27
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 
1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from 
 Boston to New York. 
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
 England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
 G. Marconi. 
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
 gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 
1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 
1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state 
 authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up 
 striking coal miners. 
1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, 
 DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor
1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in 
 New York City. 
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
 for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
 St. Nazaire, France. 
1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and 
 General Motors ended with a wage increase. 
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, 
 the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test
1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide 
 strike to protest unpaid wages. 
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. 
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit 
 Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
 officiating tool.
2016  smiled.

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