Simple calendar 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 29

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 29, in 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "According to a new study, children that snore get lower grades...especially if they're snoring in class." --- Jay Leno The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne opened a letter from home and found a $10 bill inside. As she read the letter, she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below. Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Anne" on a piece of paper, wrapped the $10 in it and dropped it out the window. The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day Sister Anne was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a roll of bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the 60 bucks you have coming. 'Don't Despair' paid five to one." ______________________________________________________ A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 50 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions. ______________________________________________________ Rainbow Clouds in Scotland ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs A Florida woman was charged Monday with engaging in sexual conduct with animals. Collier County Sheriff’s Office deputies say Miranda Johns, 21, of Naples, recorded herself while she had sex with her two dogs, NBC affiliate WBBH-TV reports. Johns allegedly sent the videos to her boyfriend, according to WBBH-TV. The boyfriend later told officials about the footage during a domestic complaint call. Investigators allegedly found videos of the sexual encounters involving Johns’ two dogs and arrested her on three counts of engaging in sexual conduct with animals, and plastered her picture and name onto all the Florida news. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeanne Re: Simple Calendar Dear Webby I need a simple calendar program, not to enter stuff into it, just for looking up what kind of weekday certain dates are. Thanks Jeanne Dear Jeanne get Windows to show the date in the right hand bottom corner, if it doesn't already. Just doubleclick the date, and a calendar pops up. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Arthur called in a repairman to fix his electric clock. He examined it and told him, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it plugged in." Arthur replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what time it is." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recipe: Banana Bars By Robin [5,892 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients 1/2 cup margarine 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup mashed bananas 2 eggs 3/4 cup sour cream 1 tsp. vanilla 2 cups flour 1/4 tsp. salt 1 tsp. soda Frosting: 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup margarine 1 box powdered sugar (1lb.) 1 tsp. almond extract Directions Mix together above ingredients. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Frost, when cooled, with cream cheese frosting For frosting, mix together all ingredients until smooth. By Robin from Washington, IA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too." ___________________________________________________
the Voca People
____________________________________________________ A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.' " ____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ***** with leaves. " ____________________________________________________
A man turns a single tree stump into a beautiful work of art.

Today on March 29
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by 
 defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware.
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession 
 of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to 
 create the Dominion of Canada. 
1903 A regular news service began between New York and London 
 on Marconi's wireless. 
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
 seeking higher wages. 
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 
1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
 Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese 
 began during World War II. 
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were 
 convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were 
 executed in June 19, 1953. 
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found 
 guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese 
 civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial 
 was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam in 1968. 
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for 
 Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
 commuted to life in prison. 
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
 spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched 
 on November 3, 1973. 
1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges 
 stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent 
 State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were 
 later acquitted. 
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would 
 reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 
1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. 
 House of Representatives stated the assassination of President 
 John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 
1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the 
 Giant in front of 93,136 at Wrestlemania III fans at the 
 Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
 "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to 
 when he had experimented with marijuana. 
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support 
 to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops 
 during World War II. 
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and 
 Slovenia became members of NATO.
2016  smiled.

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