Killed by aerosol duster, that was recommended by morons 



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DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked Fresno man watering his lawn arrested after confronting deputies with 8-inch knife Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 13, in 1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and raw eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know.... I don't eat raw cats."
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The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of rum they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said…”Don't sell that cow.” ______________________________________________________ MtRainier-Hood-Adams ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Lopez, 37, Fresno, California Naked man watering his lawn arrested after confronting deputies with 8-inch knife Neighbors called police after seeing a naked man watering his lawn Wednesday evening. When deputies got there they say he was sitting in his yard drinking a beer - yes - still naked. According to a press release, 37-year-old Robert Lopez refused to put on clothes when asked, throwing the glass beer bottle at them. The bottle missed, but Lopez continued threatening the deputy, saying "that he would get a gun and shoot him." With the situation escalating, the deputy called for backup, and got his rifle from the car for protection. Lopez eventually put on a pair of shorts and went inside, coming back out with a knife with an 8-inch blade that he threw at the deputy. Once backup arrived, they used a bean bag round from a shotgun, which hit Lopez, and allowed authorities to place him into custody. Lopez faces felony charges of assault with a deadly weapon on a peace officer, resisting arrest, and a misdemeanor for indecent exposure. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene RE: Compressed air cans for cleaning Dear Webby I remember that you always get right irate and obnoxious when some idiot recommends using canned air for cleaning keyboards or computers, or even having it in the house. I was reminded of your tirades when I read that a 36 year old woman in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, died from huffing aerosol keyboard cleaner in the washroom at the local Staples. Dead from huffing aerosol keyboard cleaner There are none of those cans in my house, -I am not stupid-, but maybe it is time to remind the rest of the subscribers to check the garage and basement and toss any cans that might still be lurking. What is actually deadly in it? Irene Dear Irene It definitely is no secret that those aerosol cans designed to blow dirt to harder to reach places are deadly. It never ceases to amaze me that otherwise almost sane people still recommend them. Aside from the fact, that they kill people, they just move dirt to harder to reach places. DUH! Real moron malfunction. Any vacuum cleaner, even a rechargeable car vacuum like you used to get for subscribing to Popular Mechanics or similar magazines, will get rid of dirt and dust and cookie crumbs. Not move it, but get rid of the dirt! The dangerous stuff in the cans is a Tetrafluoroethan gas. It doesn't always kill. Sometimes it just causes brain damage. Major brand car vacuum cleaners like Dirt Devil or ArmorAll or Dust Buster are about $25 - $30. They all work and get rid of dirt and crumbs and dust bunnies. And of course your regular vacuum cleaner with the crevice attachment works even better. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother's wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her mother's eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, "Don't cry, Mom. Remember, you aren't losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that sillinyess!" her mother sobbed. "You know and I know that he is an idiot, but has a steady job and is just barely smart enough not to argue with you or me. That doesn't bother me." "Then what is it, Mom?", Carole pleaded. "Waaaaaaaa! Sob, Sniff! I, I, I used to fit into that gown!", her mother wailed. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Lipstick From Inside a Dryer By nanaskids0611 [1 Post] Lipstick in your dryer is easily removed by using Comet with bleach. I tried so many things and nothing worked, so I took my Comet with beach and started cleaning my dryer and wow it took it all out. It was so easy. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Seen on a tee-shirt: That's enough of that!!! I'm Calling Grandma! ___________________________________________________
German engineering - backhoe climbing a tower
____________________________________________________ Seen in the paper... "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." __________________________________________________ The principal was ready to teach little Johnny a lesson. He told Johnny to take a seat, he wanted to tell him a story. He said, "Johnny, the other day I decided to go duck hunting, but I only had two shots. So, I fired my first shot and killed two ducks. They were falling out of the sky and fell into a tree, where they hit four squirrels, and killed them. So, the two ducks and four squirrels came falling to the ground where they hit two rabbits and killed them. Just as I was going to gather up my animals, a bear came out and started to get them. Then the weirdest thing happened. A little dog showed up out of nowhere and attacked the bear, so I was able to get all the animals I had killed. Now, little Johnny, you believe that story don't you?" Little Johnny said, "Sure I do, That's my dog and that's the third bear she's got this year!" ____________________________________________________
Where's my back pack!
Power of puppies

Today on April 13
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which 
 granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. 
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound 
 rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter 
 surrenders to Confederates. 
1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a 
 bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian nationalists in 
 the Amritsar Massacre. 
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by 
 Lord Clydesdale. 
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone 
 was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit. 
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid. 
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price 
 increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying 
 pressure against the price increases. 
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned 
 moon landing. 
1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial notes. 
1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El Salvador 
 without congressional approval. 
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II 
 murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. 
 The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. 
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a 
 healthy baby lamb. 
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes"
2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when 
 grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a day 
 after taking office. Thousands of protesters had protested 
 over the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2016  smiled.


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