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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 1

Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Man, who arrived at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 1, in 1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ______________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of the bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye, Bye. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan William Dickson, 39, Des Moines, Iowa Man arrives at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines, Iowa. A Des Moines man was arrested Monday after he allegedly drove himself drunk to an interview with a taxi cab company, hitting parked cars in the lot. Ryan William Dickson, 39, arrived for his interview with Trans Iowa, a taxicab and shuttle company on Army Post Road, at 9:25 a.m., but had a little trouble parking. Thatís likely because he blew a .273 on a preliminary breath test, which is three-times the legal limit to drive, according to a police report. A woman on her smoke break saw Dickson trying to maneuver into a parking space, but hit an adjacent car while he was backing up, the report states. Dickson straightened out and pulled into the space, but he crashed into the car in front of him. At first, Dickson told police he hadnít been drinking, but admitted it later. He said heíd stopped drinking around 2 that morning and went to the hospital for his alcohol consumption. The hospital released him at about 8 a.m., Dickson said, but he drank another fifth of vodka afterward, the report states. When police asked him to complete a walk and turn test at the scene, Dickson began to fall and had to be caught by officers. He said he couldnít complete the rest of the field sobriety test. He was arrested for operating while intoxicated and booked into the Polk County Jail, but was released later that day. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marge RE: Copy just portions of text Dear Webby Now for the real question. There are times when I want to save just one or two of the jokes but I can't seem to do it. What is the right way to do this? Marge Dear Marge Line up the joke that you want to copy so that all of it shows on the screen. Click at the begin of it, hold down the SHIFT key, and without letting go of it, click the mouse at the end of the joke. Now it is highlighted. Hit CTRL and C simultaneously to copy it. Jump to where you want to paste it, click at the spot where you want it, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where have you been?" asks his wife. "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and even a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife. She calls the Golden Bar. "Do you have golden chairs?" "Yes." "Do you have golden glasses?" "Yes." "Do you have golden beer?" "Yes." "Do you have a golden urinal?" "Hold on." On the other end, she hears "Hey Bob! I think we have a line on the guy who messed up your tuba!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." ___________________________________________________
bohemian rhapsody - cool version :)
____________________________________________________ Bob was having a little trouble with a leg so he went to the doctor. "You have a touch of gout," the doctor said. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "What?" said the man. "Just so I can walk a little better? Forget it !" __________________________________________________ During her stay at an expensive hotel in Sue woke upin the middle of the night with an upset stomach. She called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When she looked at the charge slip, she was instantly furious. Sue calledroom service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel,but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end cooly explained........."Ma'am, I believe you are complaining about your room number sir." ____________________________________________________
Welcome to Longyearbyen, the Northernmost Town on Earth

Today on May 1
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Hapbsburg lands. 
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies. 
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or 
1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. 
 General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union 
 troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General 
 Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers 
 in this battle. (May 1-4) 
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal 
 troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL. 
1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The 
 Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug 
 business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. 
 Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did 
 not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost 
 of $2,300. 
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time. 
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence. 
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight. 
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin. 
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler suicided. 
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) 
 was proclaimed. 
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba. 
1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North 
 Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years. 
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident. 
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a 
 speed of 212.229 mph. 
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial, King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts 
 that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in 
 June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to 
 reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually 
 reached the summit. 
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her 
 remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in 
 the case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2011 It was announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
 bin Laden in Pakistan.
2016  smiled.

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