Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested 
for giving alcohol to minors 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 2, in
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's
only  cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland
Islands War.  More than 350 people died. 
More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
 "No matter how much cats fight,
 there always seems to be plenty of kittens."
 --- Abraham Lincoln

There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher 
has said it.
--- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)

_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is
waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his
wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor
when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little
boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup
of coffee, because there may be another one."

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he
phones the hospital and is told that he the father of
twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another
one on the way, so call back later."

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough,
so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones
the hospital again he is told that the third baby has
arrived and a fourth is on the way.

White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double
scotch. 

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is
so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the
recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off
the floor the recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and
the last one was a duck."

He passed out.




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not just computers and tablets!

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed
by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't
a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer
evening?"
 
The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister. But I
would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am
certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand."

 
"I can handle that without a problem," the other nun
replied. Then she picked up a six-pack and headed for
the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his
face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
 
"We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back
at our nunnery, we call it catholic shampoo."
 
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the
counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and
placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the
nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: "The curlers
are on the house."

______________________________________________________

Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty
percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love."

"Well," said the other, "if that caught on, that would
definitely revolutionize the game of hockey!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to my dad for this picture:


This one bloomed today.

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Ryan William Dickson,
39,
Des Moines,
Iowa
Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested 
for giving alcohol to minors 

A Sherwood elementary school teacher accused of giving
alcohol to more than 30 minors at an after-prom party has
been suspended, a district spokesman said Monday.

Marcie Duncan, 48, who works at William Jefferson Clinton
Elementary School, is suspended pending an internal
investigation in accordance with district policy, Deb
Roush of the Pulaski County Special School District said.

Duncan teaches fourth grade and has worked at the school
for eight years, according to the school's website.

Duncan was arrested Sunday and charged with 33 counts of
contributing to the delinquency of a minor, 33 counts of
furnishing alcohol to a minor, two counts of third-degree
endangering the welfare of a minor and violation of the
Arkansas Social Host Law, according to information
provided by the Lonoke County jail.

Deputies arrested Duncan after they responded around 4
a.m. to a party on her family's property near West
Lewisburg Road, Lonoke County Sheriff John Staley said.
They found several empty alcohol containers as well as a
full-sized keg.

Duncan, who appeared intoxicated while talking to police,
said she had "everything under control" and didn't see a
problem because she had been there the entire night
making sure everyone was OK, according to a news release
from the sheriff's office.

Staley said that several intoxicated students between the
ages of 15 and 18 were passed out throughout the
premises. Others tried to hide in the nearby woods or
escape in their cars, he said.

Deputies called students' parents as well as an ambulance
for those who were extremely intoxicated, Staley said.
None was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Duncan was released from the Lonoke County jail Sunday on
a $21,000 bond, the sheriff said Monday.

4th grade, 15 - 18 years old and driving their own pick-
ups? Must be Arkansas
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: None
RE: No Question today

No question


Here is an ancient joke about tech support:

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently
need to print a document, but the computer won't
boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a
floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's
an intel inside. How do I get that one out? "
Tech Support: "It's actually fairly easy if you had the
IQ
chip upgraded lately. Have you had that done?"
Customer: "No, I don't think so. I'm always one of the
last to get the new stuff."
Tech Support: "OK, then go tell your manager that I
said you qualify for an IQ upgrade."

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association
(ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing
psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving
psychiatric treatment of some kind.

A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be
concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive
drug-therapy.

--------------

Dr Bubba Trailerjack, who bought his degree from
Menthol State Unifercity, summed it up quite succinctly:
"You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sweet Potato Fries

This is the easiest way I've found to make sweet potato
(or any other type of) fries.
Ingredients:
 
sweet potato (1 or enough to serve your family/guests)
Italian dressing (I use bottled "house" Italian)
pepper (to taste)
paprika (to taste)
The Italian dressing takes care of most of the
seasonings, and I do not need to add any more salt.

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a jelly roll pan with
aluminum foil for easy clean up.
Wash sweet potato and cut into quarter inch fries (I
leave the skin on). Drizzle Italian dressing lightly over
fries. The amount you use will depend on the number of
potatoes you are serving. Sprinkle with seasonings (to
taste). Toss lightly with your fingers to coat all the
potatoes, then spread flat in one layer the cookie sheet.
Bake for 20-30 minutes to desired crispness. Serve with
Ranch dressing as a dip.
Source: I saw something similar for regular potatoes in a
magazine several years ago. Finally tried it with the
sweet potato fries. Yum!
By skeesics56 from NW OH


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Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Various organizational philosophies explained in "two
cow" terms.

Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them
both and provides you with milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and
sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the
milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull.

Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the
other to produce the milk of four cows and then act
surprised when it drops dead.

Democratic: You have two cows. The government taxes you
to the point that you must sell them both in order to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow
which was a gift from your government.

Conservative: You have two cows. You hide one in the back
yard and sell the milk from it to neighbors for cash to
raise the money to pay for the tax on the front yard cow.

California: You have two cows and paint minority rights
slogans onto them. The government gives you two more
cows.

New York: You have two cows. You sell one cow so that you
can afford to send the other one to an off-shore farm on
an island that you can't find on the map.

___________________________________________________

42 times will get you to the moon!

____________________________________________________

After making a silly mistake, an instructor tried to
excuse his absentmindedness by telling the class of his
plans to propose marriage to his girlfriend later that
day.

A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked
his girlfriend to marry him as well.

"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.

"I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't
e-mailed me back yet."

__________________________________________________

When my neighbor's 3-year-old son opened the birthday
gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.
He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His mother was not so pleased.

She turned turned her mother and said, "I'm surprised at
you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy
with water guns?"

Her mother smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember..."

____________________________________________________



Dublin, Ireland from 100+ years ago.





Today on May 2
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British 
 troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for 
 the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II 
 of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are 
 shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 
 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television 
 pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University 
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took 
 control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by 
 the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first 
 democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista 
 Party, was elected president. 
2016  smiled.

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