895-system32 scamware 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, May 7

The Alberta provincial government, which declared a state of
emergency, said more than 1,100 firefighters, 145
helicopters, 138 pieces of heavy equipment and 22 air
tankers are fighting the fire,

The Government of Alberta will match donations to the Red
Cross in support of the people of Fort McMurray.

Have FUN!

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Pennsylvania brothers busted for selling heroin in Burger king play area Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 7, in 1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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"St. Patrick's Day Engagement" An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." ______________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Otis Pegues, 31, East Pittsburgh, Marlan Byars, 28, West Mifflin, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania brothers busted for selling heroin in Burger king play area Two men are in the Allegheny County Jail after police said they were caught selling heroin in the play area of a North Versailles fast food restaurant. The two men are brothers, and police say one of the men brought his 6-year-old son along with him. Otis Pegues, 31, of East Pittsburgh, and Marlan Byars, 28,of West Mifflin, were arrested on drug, conspiracy and related charges. They were arrested, investigators said, in the kids’ playground area of the North Versailles Burger King. Police say Byars had his 6-year-old son with him at the time. According to police, Pegues set up the buy with an undercover officer. He was allegedly planning to sell 20 bricks of heroin for $4,600. The drugs and money were recovered. Holding her young daughter in her arms, one woman reacted to the arrest saying, “It makes me nervous. I’ve taken my kids [to the Burger King] before, but I probably won’t be taking them there again.” A man in North Versailles said, “It’s real sad, but nothing happens around here anymore that surprises me.” The undercover investigation was conducted by North Versailles and Swissvale Police Departments, working with the Allegheny County District Attorney’s Narcotics Enforcement Team. Police said undercover officers had made previous heroin buys from Pegues during the past two weeks at both the North Versailles Walmart and the Kmart stores. In addition to drug and conspiracy charges, both men face charges of endangering the welfare of a child. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jaye RE: 895-system32 virus Dear Webby, This keeps showing up when I click on something to watch on Yahoo home page???? There is a .net framework file missing possibly due to some harmful virus Debug malware error 895-system32.exe failure. Please contact Microsoft technicians to rectify the issue. Please do not open internet browsers for your security and to avoid data corruption on your registry of your operating system. Please contact Microsoft technicians at: Toll-Free Helpline 1(855) 737-2627 ******************** PLEASE DO NOT SHUT DOWN OR RESTART YOUR COMPUTER. DOING SO MAY LEAD TO DATA LOSS AND OPERATING SYSTEM FAILURE, CAUSING blah, blah, blah Jaye Dear Jaye Don't call that number, unless you wish to tell them what to give your pet goat. Get Malwarebytes. I doublechecked and yes, Malwarebytes does clean that 895 scam ware off your machine. They say if it does not, use the live chat and they will remove the scamware. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Eve called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!" The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer." The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head." The lady replied, "Crazy fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Grease Splatters Off Walls By Ashersisk [1 Comment] A quality citris cleaner should work well. Make sure its not a watered down version. Home improvement centers with have it. Use it with a soft mildly abrasive cloth or sponge. Apply to area let sit 10-15 mins and wipe. Repeated applications may be needed. If its been there too long you may take the paint off and that would have to be repaired. Mr. Clean pads don't work well I tried that already myself. Whatever you use for cleaning a glass stove top will also work just as well on walls and inside of range hood. I use Weimans, but I bet "Barkeepers Friend" will work too. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Lillemor Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can do. A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English. Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. The Hotel: The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ... You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts. Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it. ___________________________________________________
Humming birds snore! Yes, just like the partner who kept you awake last night.
____________________________________________________ The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. __________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going, you idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !" ____________________________________________________
Some people just have a little trouble parking.

Today on May 7
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German 
 submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the 
 first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy 
 fleets fought without seeing each other.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. 
 It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games 
 by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at 
 Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the 
 Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in 
 the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans 
 who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the 
 defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit 
 during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been 
 plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar 
 agreements to return the gold.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. 
 It was the largest industrial merger on record. 
1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the 
 first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed 
 and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the 
 Chinese embassy.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six 
 fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others 
 to test drive during the next two years.
2016  smiled.

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