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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Florida woman, who tried to rip off boyfriend's testicles. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 10, in 1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear distinctive garb 1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining 1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty- fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin. I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk... "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession." With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth - why did you shoot your husband with bow and arrow?" Defendant : "I didn't want to wake up the children." ______________________________________________________ Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rosaire Francois, 28 Ellenton, Florida. Florida woman busted for battering her beau's testicles A woman arrested last night for battering her live-in boyfriend confessed to cops that she “tried to rip his balls off” during a confrontation in the couple’s Florida home, according to a police report. The victim told investigators that he initially got into a “verbal altercation” with Rosaire Francois, 28, as they traveled in a car en route to their apartment in Ellenton. When the squabbling couple arrived home, the man told police, he attempted to take a shower. However, the report notes, he was interrupted by Francois, who “kicked in the bathroom door and grabbed the victim by his testicles.” The altercation, police say, “then moved to the kitchen, where the offender grabbed the victim by the testicles and scratched the victim’s face.” When cops arrived at the home, Francois reportedly made no bones about her intentions during the domestic scuffle. “I tried to rip his balls off,” she said, according to police. Pictured above, Francois was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. She is being held at the Manatee County jail. The police report does not indicate whether Francois’s boyfriend was injured during the testicle attack. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: SHARON RE: AOL MAIL From SHARON HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THE MAIL AT AOL WHEN YOU DONT EVEN HAVE AN AOL ACCOUNT.AND MAIL IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT ANYWAY.SOMEBODY WANTS SOMETHING BAD ENOUGH,THEY WILL WRITE AGAIN SHARON Dear Sharon For some people mail is important enough to write to me and inquire what the problem is. because of the amount of mail I get, I simplify my chores and if the question on a repetitive topic is the same, I paste the same reply. here is the one I use most: --------------------- Dear You are still on the list and the Humor Letter DID go out to you. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about the routine AOL malfunctions. Apparently, to be able to handle all that outgoing spam, AOL severely restricts incoming mail. Most likely your Humor Letter got tagged as spam and was censored. That seems to happen a lot at AOL lately. If you can't get AOL to stop messing with your mail, you could try using a Gmail account on the side. In the meantime, you can always browse to Humor Letter and see what was sent out to you, but not delivered by AOL. ---------------------- By the way, that is the only "canned" response that I use. All other mail is answered individually. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A pair of senators met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "I'm a senator. So you've got to hear me out!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Black Rubber Marks on Laminate Floors By Nick Rous [1 Comment] Use lighter fuel on a piece of kitchen towel. The marks come of immediately. No elbow grease required! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident. It's funny, AND informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted fan, Jim. ___________________________________________________
That ONE moment!
____________________________________________________ In Mike's work for a cable-television company, he often encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the TV was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As Mike approached the TV, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom." __________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." ____________________________________________________
Who would have thought a salt mine could be so beautiful.

Today on May 10
1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear distinctive garb
1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining 
1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland
1497 Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci leaves for 
1st voyage to New World
1503 Columbus discovers Cayman Islands 
1534 French navigator Jacques Cartier reaches Newfoundland 
1655 Jamaica captured by English
1752 Benjamin Franklins 1st tests the lightning rod 
1797 1st Navy ship, the "United States" is launched 
1823 1st steamboat to navigate the Mississippi River arrives 
at Fort Snelling
1908 1st Mother's Day observed (Philadelphia) 
1910 1st aircraft air display held (Hendon, England) 
1933 Paraguay declares war on Bolivia 
1940 French troops arrive in Zealand/Brabant Netherlands
1940 Nazi armies invade the Benelux countries of Netherlands, 
Belgium & Luxembourg 
1941 Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess parachutes into
1941 England's House of Commons & Holborn Theater 
destroyed in a blitz 
1944 Chinese offensive in West-Yunnan 
1945 Allies capture Rangoon from the Japanese 
1945 A week after Germany surrendered, Russian troops 
occupy Prague 
1948 1st attack by Egyptian irregular forces at Kfar Darom
1959 Soviet forces arrive in Afghanistan 
1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes 1st circumnavigation 
of globe under water
1968 Vietnam peace talks began in Paris between the US & 
North Vietnam 
1969 Apollo 10 transmit 1st color pictures of Earth from space
1969 US troops begin attack on Hill 937/Hamburger Hill 
1994 Nelson Mandela sworn in as South Africa's 1st 
black president 
2016  smiled.

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