How do I turn automatic updates off? 

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Today is Wednesday, May 18

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas petsitter reported found in women's underwear. He got 25 years for child porn on forgoten thumbdrive. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 18, in 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were killed and 3 billion in damage was done. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ______________________________________________________ Bill loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arkansas petsitter reported found in women's underwear gets 25 years for child porn Haschel Capps, 34, England An Arkansas petsitter arrested earlier this year after an investigation into explicit photos of young girls found on a thumb drive has pleaded guilty to child pornography charges. Pulaski County sheriff’s office spokesman Capt. Carl Minden said in a statement Friday that Haschel Capps, 34, of England was sentenced to 25 years in prison as part of a plea deal. Capps’ arrest in January came after a man reported finding Capps — who had been hired to watch over the man’s pets during an out-of-town trip — wearing women’s underwear and using a laptop in his home in August 2014, according to a report. The homeowner told the sheriff's office that the two then got into an argument and he kicked Capps out of the residence. The man reported in October of that year to the sheriff’s office that he had found a thumb drive in his couch that contained photos of “small girls nude and in a pornographic nature.” That drive also contained photos of Capps wearing women’s underwear, apparently taken by someone else, he told authorities. Capps remained at the Pulaski County jail as of Friday evening, according to an inmate roster. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom RE: How do I turn automatic updates off? Dear Webby Good Morning, -- at least it was -- I have a Toshiba laptop, about 4 years old, with Windoze 7. Question, How do I find out if it has an ASUS motherboard and, if I do, how do I turn off auto update? This was my wife's machine and has a few sticcky keys which got that way from spilled wine (don't ask) As usual, I enjoy your site and this notice about Windows 7 has me buffaloed. My desktop is running Windows 8.1 and my little netbook is using XP which works for me. I also have a tablet running on Android so I assume that is safe, at least for now. tom DearTom! Writer to Toshiba support and ask them. re Updates: Open Windows Update by clicking the Start button In the search box, type Update, and then, in the list of results, clickWindows Update. In the left pane, click Change settings. Choose the option that you want. Personally, I let McAfee take care of that. It checks for updates and then lets me choose which ones I want, and which ones I don't want. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ my friend Roland, a long time subscriber and frequent contributor wrote me today: Dear Webby Lost my job today. Came into work on time... I did exactly what the boss told me to do! I followed all the rules, and never once disrespected anybody. Then, the first time I ever had a chance to drive one of them forklifts, I made one little mistake, and everyone starts running around in circles screaming and shouting. You'd think I blew the place up or something, the way people were looking at me afterwards! I don't understand it... I didn't mean to do it... It was just a little accident, nobody got hurt and the forklift didn't even get scratched. Everyone messes up some time, it could've happened to anyone! I have no idea why they got so uptight and fired me. Do you think it might be discrimination? Why Roland got laid off ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recipe: Brownie Bowls By Judy Pariser S. [99 Posts, 102 Comments] When you put your pudding, ice cream, or fruit in a homemade brownie bowl, you can eat the dish! Approximate Time: 25 min prep, 30 to bake Yield: 12 bowls Ingredients: Brownie mix or recipe* for an 8-inch square pan of brownies 4 muffin tins *Here is the link to my brownie recipe: Best Brownies Steps: Grease and flour the cups of one muffin tin. Fill the first muffin tins no more than 2/3 full of batter. Grease and flour the underside of the second muffin tin. Press the second tin on top of the first. Repeat with the third and fourth muffin tin. Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes. Let cool completely before you separate the tins. Fill with ice cream, pudding, or fruit. You may top with whipped cream, if you wish. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy." ___________________________________________________
inside Blue Angels
____________________________________________________ A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could she send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a pause. Then she said, "You misspelled TEACH." ____________________________________________________ A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody, nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!" ____________________________________________________
"The Old New World" Photo-based animation project.

Today on May 18
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole 
 and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery 
 illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the 
 French Senate.
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between 
 Uruguay and Brazil.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while 
 visiting a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month 
 later with the claim that she had been kidnapped.
1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the 
 Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean 
 nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship.
1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created.
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the "Lindberg Act," 
 that called for the death penalty in interstate kidnapping cases.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was 
 finally captured by the Allies in Italy.
1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, 
 Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California 
 at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people 
 were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a 
 sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the 
 computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors 
 which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the 
 software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people 
 and seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation 
 of money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and 
 two drug-smuggling cartels. 
2016  smiled.

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