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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, May 30

Grateful Memorial Day!


June 2nd I have to go to  Calgary for injections into 
my eyeballs. There won't be any newsletters sent out on
June 3, 4 and 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Auburn,Washington man, who hit his wife with the getaway car as she was being chased by loss prevention officers. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 30, in 1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ann My kids never understood my logic. They totally failed to see why they had to go to bed when I was tired.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to all of them!" ______________________________________________________ A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said. The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach." "Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman. "Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years." ______________________________________________________ Meteora in Kalabaka, Greece ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Auburn man hits wife with getaway car as she is being chased by loss prevention officers. Ernest Price, 49, Cynthia Cornethan, 49, Auburn, Washington. A husband hit his wife with his pickup in a department-store parking lot in Redmond, thwarting the couple’s attempt to make off with stolen merchandise, according to King County prosecutors. A shoplifting excursion to the Kohl’s store in Redmond didn’t go as planned for a trio of thieves, even though two women managed to carry out more than $750 worth of merchandise in foil-lined shopping bags, according to King County prosecutors. One member of the alleged shoplifting team dropped the bags containing perfume, clothing, shoes and other items, along with her purse and ID, when her husband hit her with their pickup as the getaway went awry, charging papers say. The husband had intended to run down the store’s pursuing loss-prevention officer, who jumped out of the way, and the truck plowed into the driver’s wife instead, according to the documents. The wife and a second woman got in the truck, and the three sped off, according to the charges filed for the Nov. 11 incident. The suspected driver, 49-year-old Ernest Price, of Auburn, was arrested on a warrant and booked into the Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent on Thursday, jail and court records show. Charged with second-degree assault and second- degree theft, Price is being held in lieu of $50,000 bail. His wife, Cynthia Cornethan, also 49, is wanted on a warrant for second-degree theft. She is also wanted on a bench warrant for a 2015 felony drug case, court records show. The couple’s female accomplice has not been identified, charging papers say. Price, Cornethan and the other woman walked into the Kohl’s store on Union Hill Road, but Price left while the two women stuffed items in the shopping bags, which were “lined with foil to defeat the security system.” The women ran through an emergency exit and were chased by the loss-prevention officer. He tried to stop them in the parking lot when Price accelerated his truck toward the officer. The officer jumped out of the way and was struck in the leg, but apparently was not seriously injured. Price “very easily could have killed someone or caused more serious injury,” Deputy Prosecutor Jessica Manca wrote in charging documents. “His actions demonstrate he is willing to use violence to further his criminal activities.” Price has an “extensive” criminal history in Washington, including felony convictions for drug possession, taking a motor vehicle, forgery and assault, as well as seven felony convictions in Minnesota, charging papers say. Since 1995, warrants have been issued for his arrest 39 times in King County, the papers say. As of 2007, Cornethan had 91 warrants issued for her arrest since 1984, say the charges. She has been convicted on 25 theft charges in the past 27 years, most of them gross misdemeanors, though she also has felony convictions for forgery, identity theft and drug possession, court records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ray RE: Shortcuts Dear Webby I hope you do well with your injections. Sounds painful. I wish I had been keeping track of all the shortcuts you have suggested over the years like the most recent one to get to Disk cleanup. Is there somewhere on your site where I can get these "shortcuts"? Always appreciate your mails. Ray Dear Ray Since Windows 3.1 there have been way too many shortcuts, and not all of them still work in newer versions of Windows. Just write and ask about what trick to use for whatever you want to do. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A math teacher is instructing her class in multiplication and gives the students a problem to solve. "Now class," she says. "We know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year. So who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the kids look baffled by the question except one little fellow sitting in the back row. He raises his hand and waves it excitedly, and the teacher points to him. "All right, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asks. "Twelve, ma'am," the little fellow says brightly. "January second, February second, March second ..." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Angel Biscuits By Roxanne [6 Posts, 1 Comment] These have a wonderful, fresh yeast taste; very light and folks think you took a long time to make them Ingredients: 1 package dry yeast or 1 1/2 Tbsp. dry yeast 3 tsp. warm water 5 cups flour 1 tsp. salt 1/4 cup sugar 1 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup shortening 2 cups buttermilk, make sour milk by adding 2 Tbsp. vinegar or lemon juice to regular milk Directions: Dissolve yeast in warm water and set aside. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Combine all dry ingredients. Cut in shortening until resembles coarse corn meal. Add yeast mixture and buttermilk. Turn dough onto a well floured surface. Knead dough 1 minute. Roll or pat dough out 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick and cut into 3 inch sized biscuits. Bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Note: This dough can be stored in the refrigerator up to 1 week so you can have fresh biscuits when you want them. Time: 20 Minutes Preparation Time 15 Minutes Cooking Time Source: My mom made these when she didn't have time to make the regular yeast rolls. By Roxanne from Terre Haute, IN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady. ___________________________________________________
And some gave all. I am so thankful
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this one: Well, it seems these two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided they should go to college so they could get ahead. Bubba went in first, and the professor advises him to take Math, History, and Logic. "Whass Logic?" Bubba asked. "Well, let me give you an example," said the professor. "Do you own a weed-eater?" "Sure do," the redneck responded. "Okay. Then I assume, using logic, that you have a yard," the professor went on. "That's real good," said the redneck, in awe. "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house. Is that right?" "GAWL-LEE!" the redneck shouted. "And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife. Right?" "Betty Mae! This is incredible!" Bubba is catching on now. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume you are heterosexual rather than homosexual. Is that right?" "You are absolutely darn right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thang I ever heerd of. I can't wait to take this here logic class!" Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin"? Cooter asks. "Math, History, and Logic," replied Bubba. "What in tarnation is logic?" asks Cooter. "Let me give you an example," Bubba says. "Do you own a weed- eater?" "No," says Cooter, "but my wife has two." "You're Queer, aintcha?" ____________________________________________________ >From Erin On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." ____________________________________________________
Let's all remember our Military Veterans past, present and future, today.

Today on May 30
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the age of 19. 
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany. 
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
 France to its 1792 borders. 
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 
1854 The U.S. territories of Nebraska and Kansas were 
 established. 
1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in 
 the U.S. 
1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s
 Garden to Madison Square Garden. 
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City 
 in a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in 
 danger of collapsing occurred. 
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York
 City. 
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was held. 
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the 
time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes 
Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect 
American interests. 
1913 The First Balkan War ended. 
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
to the Department of the Interior. 
1922 The Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC. 
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance
 to audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition. 
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II. 
1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the  
Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war 
erupted. 
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on 
a journey to Mars. 
1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was 
assassinated. 
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first 
country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 
1955. 
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a 
state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings 
by leftist rebels. 
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson were granted 
an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of 
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. 
The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that 
communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing 
up to 5,000. 
2002 In New York, a ceremony was held to officially mark the 
end of the clean up from the World Trade Center terrorist 
attacks on September 11, 2001. 
2012 New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced the 
Portion Cap Rule. The proposed amendment to the city health 
code would have required that food service establishments 
limit the size of sugary beverages to 16 ounces. On June 26, 
2014, the New York Court of Appeals ruled that the New York 
City Board of Health had exceeded the scope of its 
regulatory authority.
2016  smiled.


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