Where is the PAUSE key? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's International Bonehead Award: Resort Guest Doused Boy, 7, With Vodka, kicked cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 13, in 1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may not be sent by parcel post. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ There is no fix for stupidity, but there are some work-arounds. --- Chuck Snyder "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --- Socrates _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The young man told his father, "I want to marry a good woman, a beautiful woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'll have to make up his mind.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it on online? Sincerely, Virginia. ______________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'" "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Utah mom found passed out in gutter, children home with unconscious teens Amber Renee Bradley, 29, Layton, Utah A woman found passed out in a gutter was arrested after police found her children were at home where teenagers allegedly threw a party of their own with alcohol supplied by the mom, according to police. Amber Renee Bradley, 29, of Layton, was arrested Saturday for investigation of seven counts of child endangerment, intoxication and possession of a controlled substance. According to a Davis County Jail booking report, Bradley was found passed out in a gutter just after 4 a.m. Her speech "was extremely slurred," she was disoriented and needed assistance walking, the report states. Bradley mentioned something about her children, ages 8, 5, and 4, to police, stating a 15-year-old was watching them at her house around the corner, according to the jail report. But when officers went there to check on them, they found four teens, ages 14 to 16, "unconscious lying next to beer, marijuana, drug paraphernalia and Xanax" on the floor and a table next to them, according to the jail report. Bradley's children were found asleep on the floor in a separate bedroom. The teens told detectives that they had earlier been drinking with Bradley, who supplied the beer, the report states. One teen admitted to traveling to Ogden with Bradley to purchase Xanax, according to the report. She told officers she did not have a prescription for Xanax. According to court records, an eviction notice was issued against Bradley on May 24 for owing more than $1,200 in rent. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel RE: Pause key Dear Webby, what keyboard has a " pause " feature ? daniel Hi Daniel ALL of them do near the right top since the 101 key keyboards in the mid 80's. Before that, Telegraph and Teleprinter keyboards used to have it on the right edge. It is usually in or near the upper right corner and labelled Pause Break On Laptops it is sometimes moved a bit inward from the right edge, but still on the top row. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ "New York's Taxi and Limousine commission is looking to increase the fare from JFK airport into Manhattan from $50 to $65. However, the scenic route for tourists who don't speak English, the fare will remain at $300, even if the cab driver can't speak English either." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE INGREDIENTS 250g of cream cheese 2 cups of heavy cream (35%) 1 can of diced pineapple 1 cup sugar 1 box of Graham crackers METHOD 1. Drain pineapple and reserve liquid. 2. Beat cream cheese with sugar. 3. Beat cream into whipping cream. Add to cream cheese mixture. 4. Add pineapple and mix well without beating it too much. 5. Wet crackers in pineapple liquid and put at the bottom and on the sides of cake mould. 6. Pour in cheese and cream mixture. 7. Refrigerate overnight. 8. Unmold before serving. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day a man drove his secretary to her mother's place after her mother had slipped and fallen down the stairs. Although nothing was broken, the mother was hurting and in shock and needed some help and assistance. Although this was a totally proper and formal trip, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden between the seats. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the window. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" ___________________________________________________
when you're stranded at the airport!
____________________________________________________ Male Vs. Female Logic Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400.correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No Man: Where's your Ferrari? ____________________________________________________ The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father." ____________________________________________________
Architects have vivid imaginations and some of these buildings are truly breathtaking.

Today on June 13
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked

 on an expedition to Africa.
1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American
colonies  to help with their rebellion against the
British.
1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington 
 by Mrs. Alexander Hamilton.
1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then
 sold the rights for $400.
1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized.
1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and
Chinese  Christians erupted into violence.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful
parachute  jump from an airplane in Jefferson,
Mississippi.
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children
may not be sent by parcel post.
1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack of
hiccups.  He hiccuped over 435 million times before
stopping. He died  in 1991, 11 months after his hiccups
ended.
1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied
Ruhr and the rest of Germany. Germans did not like that.
1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the
city.
1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. 
 They were soon captured.
1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against
Britain from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10
rockets only 5 landed in Britain and only one managed to
kill (6 people in London).
1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder.
1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been 
 installed by the French.
1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea.
1966 The landmark "Miranda vs. Arizona" decision was
issued  by the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that
criminal  suspects had to be informed of their
constitutional rights before being questioned by police.
1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces 
 from Lebanon.
1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in
compensation for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black
Hills in South Dakota.
1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the 
 first spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was
launched in March 1972. The first up-close images of the
planet Jupiter were provided by Pioneer 10.
1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and 
 Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the 
 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more 
 nuclear tests in the South Pacific.
2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il 
 welcomed South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day 
 summit. It was the first such meeting between the
leaders of North and South Korea. 
2016  smiled.


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