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Today is Thursday, June 16

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DearWebby

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Today's International Bonehead Award: NM man set fire to his apartment to escape neighbors’ sex noises Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 16, in 0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. That gave the Vandals a bad name. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. --- Jay Leno Only in America...could the rich people - who pay 90% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all. --- Moe _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the Church, An elderly gentleman said to him: "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to, it was terrible". While the Minister remained speechless, the gentleman's wife wanting to be helpful said, "Reverend, please don't listen to him, he slept through most of it and is only repeating what he hears other people saying."
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Here is another good message for telemarketers who try to be a nuisance at the most inconvenient time: "This is the microwave. The answering machine just eloped with the DVD player, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. If you want your brain cooked some more while you leave your message, just hold your phone near your head." Get your tex-to-speech program to read that, record it with audacity and save it as a wav onto the desktop, so that you can play by doubleclicking it. With almost all text-to-speech programs you can select a voice, that sounds like a robot. For maximum effect add the beeping alarm you get from slowly strangling a large rubber duckie squeaky toy. Have FUN! ______________________________________________________ A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies. The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than the boxes usually do." "Why is that?" the mother asked. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied. ______________________________________________________ While sorting through spring pictures I came across this one. Judging by the vegetation and the mountain, that would place that rock in southwestern New Mexico. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NM man set fire to his apartment to escape neighbors’ sex noises Reuben Cook, 36, Albuquerque, New Mexico A man seeking to escape the sounds of his neighbors having sex took drastic action Sunday night when he set fire to his apartment, according to court documents. Reuben Cook, 36, told police he “tried to burn anything he could think of” in his apartment in order to spend the night in “prison” away from his neighbors, according to a criminal complaint filed in Metropolitan Court. When police arrived at the multi-story, multi-family complex at 5904 Osuna NE a little before 10 p.m. they found minor fire damage, with four separate areas of origin, in one of the apartments. When the officer asked Cook, the apartment’s tenant, to tell him about his day, Cook said “I started the fires in my apartment,” according to the complaint. “He stated that he heard people having sex upstairs and making a lot of noise,” the officer wrote in the complaint. “Mr. Cook stated that by starting the fires he could go to ‘prison’ and get away from the noise.” So the officers took him to the county jail, charging him with arson. Cook’s father, David Cook, said his son suffered from a stroke seven years ago that left him mentally impaired. “They had to remove part of his brain,” David Cook said. “He’s not in control of the things he thinks. It was not something that he planned.” Nataura Powdrell-Moore, a jail spokeswoman, said Reuben Cook was released on his own recognizance Tuesday, so that he can start more fires. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helga RE: Free virus scanner Dear Webby, I need a virus scanner that is free to install on a bunch of machines that we are donating to an old folks home. What would you recommend? Helga Dear Helga Try "HouseCall" from TrendMicro. It is rated better than Norton and almost as good as McAfee. You can download it from http://housecall.trendmicro.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Thanks To Janet For This One: We Had Made Some Changes In Our Diet. My Husband Lost 50 Pounds And I Lost 15. I Felt Good And Active Again And After Eight Years Of Being A Housewife, I Took A Job In A Restaurant. When I Returned Home After My First Day At Work, I Gave My Husband A Big Hug. He Seemed To Cling To Me Longer Than Usual. "Did You Really Miss Me That Much Today, Dear?" I Asked. "No," Came The Reply. "But You Smell So Much Like Decent Food, That I Hate To Let Go." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing a Hole in a Bathtub By kathleen williams [76 Posts, 1,658 Comments] Difficulty: Easy Things You'll Need: Putty knife Automotive body filler Sandpaper Paint Step 1: Determine how large your hole is. If the hole is larger than 3 inches by 3 inches, it will be difficult to patch, and you should consider replacing the tub. However, if your hole is still manageable, you can begin by applying the body filler over the entire hole. Step 2: Leave the body filler to cure for anywhere from six to twelve hours, depending on the size of the hole. Step 3: Go back and file over the hole with sand paper to make it feel like a natural part of your bathtub. After sanding and removing all excess automotive body filler, paint the entire patch with a color that matches your bathtub. Use a tub and tile refinishing paint or use a fiberglass paint. Your bathtub should look as good as new in as little as seven hours of your spare time. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, "What the heck are you doing?" "I'm wearing my love dress," responds the daughter-in- law, "We haven't made love in a while, so I wore it." So the mother-in-law says, "Hm, maybe I should try that." She goes home and her husband wasn't home yet, so she undressed. Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband's car. He walks in the front door and says, "What the heeck are you doing?" "I'm wearing my love dress," says the wife. "Well," responds the husband, with a grin, "it does look like it needs to be pressed here and there!" ___________________________________________________
Robin Hood and Little John Runnin' Thru the Forest
____________________________________________________ A Bonehead Award goes to the men in the UK. According to a survey conducted by UK's FQ men's magazine, nearly 80 percent of men don't want to have seex with their pregnant partners fearing that it will bring on early labor and the new kid will start raising a ruckus right when there is soccer on the telly, or fearing that the child might remember. These are myths as the baby is fully protected, and children never pay attention to their parents anyway. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty B for this: This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....what a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black. You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray So who you are callin' colored folk's ??? ____________________________________________________
The vine that ate the South.

Today on June 16
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. That gave the
Vandals a bad name.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven 
 Castle in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of
Ligny, Netherlands.
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller 
 coaster in America opened.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St.
Petersburg.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first helicopter 
 flight in the US at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security
pact.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on 
 President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was 
 suppressed by the army.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit 
 aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was 
 the first female space traveler.
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted 
 against the South African government's plan to enforce 
 Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black
schools.
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-
sex couples.
2016  smiled.


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