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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, July 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Todays Bonehead Award: Jail for English on-bike robber who stole woman’s phone – but left his own at the scene Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 6, in 1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA, and deported back to England. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease." ______________________________________________________ An American traveling through Europe is riding a train in Germany. At one point, the ticket inspector comes into the compartment, punches the passengerís ticket, and then chats cordially in German for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. The man, who speaks no German, simply smiles and nods from time to time to show that he is interested. Finally, the ticket inspector bows and leaves the compartment. At that point, a woman sitting across from the man leans forward and says in English, "You don't speak any German, do you?" "No," the man says. "Then that explains why you didn't bat an eye when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction and that the next stop is an hour from now." ______________________________________________________ Lake Braies, Italy ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jail for English on-bike robber who stole woman’s phone – but left his own at the scene Mark Mick, 30, Highbury New Park, England Mark Mick, 30, snatched the phone from the 30-year-old victim after cycling up behind her in Clissold Crescent, Stoke Newington, in December. The woman grabbed hold of him to try and get it back, but was punched in the side of the head and knocked backwards. Mick, of Highbury New Park, then fled the scene, but not before dropping his own phone in the struggle. Police couldn’t believe their luck when they arrived to find it on the floor, and were able to identify him as a result. Mick was eventually nicked in March and picked out in an identity parade by the woman before being charged with robbery. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced yesterday to three years and four months in jail at Wood Green Crown Court. Det Con Scott Johnson of Hackney CID, said: “Mick robbed a lone woman and used violence to carry out the theft. “Thankfully he left his own phone at the scene and we were able to identify him as a suspect and arrest him." “With the assistance of the victim we were able gather all the necessary evidence to charge him and I would like to thank her for her support and courage in bringing this man to justice.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi RE: PC Speed-up Dear Webby, is there any free software that does actually work and will speed up the computer, to where you will notice a difference? tyvm for all he help.its greatly appreciated Richi Dear Richi Lots of software claims to do that. If it actually did, then they could charge BIG money for it. It would be worth more than a new computer! PCMechanic comes pretty close, but the PRO version is not quite free. Use CrapCleaner to clean up. It is at http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner Go through the tools and options and see what it can do for you. Get Revo Uninstaller. http://www.revouninstaller.com/ UNinstall everything, that you don't really use. Get Defraggler at http://www.piriform.com/defraggler Defragment your hard drives. Do that AFTER you uninstall all the crap that you once thought would be handy, but that you never actually use. I realize that it is a bit tedious to do all that stuff, but transferring all your data to a new machine is tedious too, and costs a lot more. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ In the news: "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." ------------------------ "The sewer expansion project is nearing completion but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished." ----------------------- "The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Laminate Floor Cleaner I am looking for a homemade cleaning solution for laminate flooring. By guest (Guest Post) I use vinegar and water. About 1:4 ratio. It also helps to freshen the air. I refilled the Clorox Ready-mop bottle with this solution and it works great. I use old towels cut to fit instead of the pads also. They get washed with the laundry. I love the convenience of the mop but can't stand the waste. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Laura was attending her High School reunion and was having a blast. As the evening was drawing to a close, the master of ceremonies for the night proceeded to hand out bottles of champagne to the graduates who had traveled the farthest distance to attend the reunion, the graduate who had been married the longest time, the graduate who had become the most successful, etc. Laura wondered if she was going to get a prize too. Sure enough, the master of ceremonies called out her name. "Laura, you win with 11 kids." and then, trying to be clever, he added: "And champagne is only half the prize. The other half is a giant, economy size bottle of aspirin." "Don't bother with the aspirin," Laura replied. "It's obvious with this many kids, that I've never had a headache!" ___________________________________________________
competitive four
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said: "I hope you don't start thinking. You would look weird with a bald head !" ____________________________________________________ Many years Fred's wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when they had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the caligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later she finished the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stiched down the front. She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when they met a distiguished Chinese physician who asked her where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant. "I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway." Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap dish--but good." ____________________________________________________
I love archaeological mysteries!

Today on July 6
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned.

1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in 
 Boston, MA, and deported back to England.

1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during 
 the American Revolution.

1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine.

1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies
vaccine. The child used in the test later became the
director of the Pasteur Institute.

1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between
 officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question 
 was John Walker.

1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence 
 captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks.

1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was
established.

1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half
 years. About 600,000 people died.

1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed 
 after five years of house arrest by a federal court.

1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase 
 Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion.

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans 
 could not pay women smaller monthly payments solely 
 because of their gender.

1988 Several popular beaches were closed in 
 New York City due to medical waste and other debris 
 washing up on the seashores.

1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot 
 rover on the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on 
 the red planet on July 4th.

1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland 
 after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march 
 in Portadown.

2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24
million for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic
book Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO
settled with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 

2016  smiled.


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