Computer body fix 

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Today is Thursday, July 7

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Todays Bonehead Award: Florida Bartender claims she was kidnapped in order to hide her affair from her husband. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 7, in 1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey after the surrender of a Mexican garrison. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) --- Broom Hilda ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Harry sent a quick email to his supervisor. "Boss," he wrote, "My mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and wants me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." After Harry printed his reply, he wrote back to him: "Thanks, boss, I knew I could count on you!"
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Ed told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can tell my wife." ______________________________________________________ A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So, what did you do with the money?" ______________________________________________________ European Roller ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bartender claims she was kidnapped in order to hide her affair from her husband. Karla Vasquez, 32, Miami, Florida "Miami STRIP CLUB THOT Is Arrested For FAKING HER KIDNAPPING So Her Husband Wouldn’t Catch Her CHEATING!" A Miami strip club "bartender" was arrested yesterday. Officials say that she faked her own kidnapping so her husband wouldn’t know she was out with another man. The 32 year old Karla Vasquez allegedly tricked her husband, Daniel Pacheco, into thinking she was kidnapped. Officials say that Karla called Daniel, and told him that she was kidnapped in her car. Daniel panicked and immediately called the cops. But police say that Karla was just a LYING THOT. Cops used the GPS systems in Vasquez’s car and phone to track her down. Vasquez was spotted around 3 p.m. driving the car she claimed she was kidnapped in. Vasquez told police that she actually never went home after work, and instead went to a bar where she met the other man and “decided to spend the night with him,” according to the report. When officers found out Vasquez’s story was a lie, they arrested her for falsely reporting an alleged crime. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jannie RE: Computer body fix Dear Webby, I bought a program that fixes 'the brain' but not the 'body' of my computer. I had a warning of a crash a couple hours ago. What program is best AND lowest price to deal with this? Thanks. Jannie Dear Jannie Write to support of that secret mystery program that supposedly fixes the brain but then takes it's ass out of gear. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That wasn't supposed to happen until you unloaded them at home!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Flowering Plants May be Weeds By Judy Pariser S. [108 Posts, 108 Comments] This plant with pretty purple flowers popped up in my garden this year, and I never planted it. When I went to the garden center, I found out it is called purple loosestrife, and is very invasive. The person I spoke to said to be very wary when things you didn't plant pop up in your garden! By likekinds [153 Posts, 762 Comments] I just read that, indeed, this plant is highly invasive. The plant spreads to new areas by means of seed dispersal. One plant can produce as many as 2 million seeds per year. You might want to Keep all blooms picked before they set seed. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. They were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, then they hid in the nearby closet, pretending they were not at home. The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So, the couple waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. He saw the note they had left. Then, he took the ten dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flipped through it, to see if any stashed money fell out, and tucked it under his arm. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative sip to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said, "It's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!" ___________________________________________________
concrete machine goes crazy
____________________________________________________ A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ed for this one: Thanks again for this Humor Letter. This is a true account. My wife works an evening shift and has a ten mile drive each way. She felt more secure having a male mannequin in the front seat for the ten mile drive at night. She stopped for gas one evening on the way to work. A gentleman saw the mannequin in the front seat and said, "I have a problem getting dates myself too sometimes". She is not usually at loss for words but that stopped her cold! ____________________________________________________
People are awesome, Best of the Month, June.

Today on July 7

1754 Kings College opened in New York City. It was renamed
Columbia College 30 years later. 

1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at
Monterey after the surrender of a Mexican garrison. 

1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the
Hannibal and St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri. 

1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading

1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for the
first time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA. 

1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam,
on the Colorado River. 

1937 Japanese forces invaded China. 

1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini was canonized as the
first American saint. 

1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid for
South Korea. 

1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to a
measure that made the French language equal to English
throughout the national government. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced he was nominating
Arizona Judge Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first
female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1983 Eleven-year-old Samantha Smith of Manchester, Maine,
left for a visit to the Soviet Union at the personal
invitation of Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov. 

1987 Public testimony at the Iran-Contra hearing began. 

1994, Inc. was founded in Seattle, Washington
under the name "Cadabra." 

1998 A jury in Santa Monica, CA, convicted Mikail Markhasev
of murdering Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son, during a
roadside robbery. 

1999 In Sierra Leone, President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah and
rebel leader Foday Sankoh signed a pact to end the nation's
civil war. 

2000 Cisco Systems Inc. announced that it would buy
Netiverse Inc. for $210 million in stock. It was the 13th
time Cisco had purchased a company in 2000. 

2000 announced that they had sold almost 400,000
copies of "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," making it
the biggest selling book in e-tailing history. 

2003 In Liberia, a team of U.S. military experts arrived at
the U.S. embassy compound to assess whether to deploy
troops as part of a peacekeeping force in the country.

2016  smiled.

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