Is Ad-Aware good enough? 

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Today is Tuesday, July 26

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Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk Florida bonehead hits 3 cars and a scooter and keeps on driving with the scooter driver's body sprawled across the hood of his car. He was also driving north in the southbound lane. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 26, in More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. --- Andrew S. Tanenbaum Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Norm During a lull between the speeches at a recent Parliament Hill Correspondent's dinner, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau leans over to chat with Harjit Sajjan, Minister of Defence. "Ya know, I bought Justin a parrot for his birthday. The bird is so smart, Justin has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!" "Wow, that's pretty impressive," says Harjit, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words... he doesn't really understand what they mean." "Oh, I know," Sophie replies, "Neither does the parrot."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Daddy!" ______________________________________________________ A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous -- yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling the empty spaces in the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a beer with a friend." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marc Thomas Boysen, New Port Richey, Florida. Drunk Florida bonehead hits 3 cars and a scooter and keeps on driving with the scooter driver's body sprawled across the hood of his car. He was also driving north in the southbound lane. Police in New Port Richey have arrested a man they say hit and killed a man on a scooter before leaving the scene with the victim still on the hood of his car. It happened just after midnight Saturday in the area of U.S. Hwy. 19 and Main Street. Officers say 43-year-old Marc Thomas Boysen was driving westbound on Main Street when he crashed into the back of a car stopped at that intersection. Then, Boysen reportedly left the scene of that crash and drove northbound on U.S. 19 in the southbound lanes, where he crashed head-on into a scooter, killing the male driver instantly. Boysen then sideswiped another sedan, while still traveling north in the southbound lanes. Police say Boysen entered the parking lot of the Winghouse, with the man still on the hood of his car, then crashed into an unoccupied parked car which threw the male off the hood of the car. Witnesses say bystanders from the Winghouse rushed towards Boysen's car, pulled him out and held him there until police arrived. So far, the name of the victim on the scooter has not been released. Boysen is facing multiple charges, including Leaving the Scene of a Crash Involving a Death, Leaving the Scene of a Crash with Property Damage, DUI Property Damage and Felony D.U.I. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jessie RE: Is Ad-Aware good enough? Dear Webby, If I have Ad-aware, do I need Spybot Search & Destroy? Do I need to run both? Thanks for all the help I gotten from your tips. And the laughs! Jessie Dear Jessie Some computer magazine found that Ad-Aware kills about 50% of the spyware. In my own tests, maybe because I had it tuned better, it found about 70% of the stuff that Spybot- Search&Destroy found. 70% is not good enough for me when it comes to spyware and malware. I want ALL of it dumped. Vindictive old goat ? You bet :-) Since both are free, use them both. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a worn bathrobe. The husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "Why can't you dress for breakfast like you did before we got married?" "I'm married now!" she snapped back. "And I'm not pregnant any more!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Whites Aren't White After Washing Try laundry bluing. That is what people used in previous times. It should be in the laundry section of your store, and this is what it is for, to whiten your whites. 4H kids use in on the white hair on their show calves. If it works on those stains, it should work on laundry! By OliveOyl [601 Comments] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back." ___________________________________________________
Boeing produces over forty 737 airplanes a month. The train arrives with the main body in the morning. This 3½ minute video is fascinating.
____________________________________________________ MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!" MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of that carpet!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week!" MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC "Because I said so, that's why!" MOM TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER "It looks like a tornado went through your room!" MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" And most of all..... MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!" ____________________________________________________ One morning a local highway department crew reached their job site and realized they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman calls the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor replies, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels. Tell them to just lean on each other until the shovels arrive." ____________________________________________________
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! Best of the week July 2016

Today on July 26

1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental
Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General
was Benjamin Franklin. 

1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent
application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 

1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in
Chicago, IL. 

1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
propelled ship. 

1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister.

1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup
led by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 

1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista
with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern
Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later. 

1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized the
Suez Canal. 

1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 

1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they
were forming a joint venture to combine international
operations and develop a new Internet system. 

1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on
display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on
sale later in 1999. 

2016  smiled.

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