How to prepare for a hurricane 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, August 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk Florida woman blames her dog for the alprazolam and diazepam pills in her car. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, August 4, in 1914 Britain declared war on Germany and turned traditional European border shuffling into a World War. The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done. --- Peter Ustinov "My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state." --- G. Davis, Governor of Mexifornia ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Hillbilly translates computer terms... x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x* BAR CODE- The fightin' rules down at the local tavern. CACHE- What you need when you run out of food stamps. CHIPS- Pasture muffins you try NOT to step in. DISKETTE- Female disco dancer. HACKER- Uncle LeRoy after 32 years of smokin'. HARDCOPY- Picture looked at when pickin' out a tattoo. INTERNET- Where cafeteria workers put their hair. KEYBOARD- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere. MEGAHERTZ- How your head feels after too many beers. MODEM- What you did when the weeds got too tall. NETWORK- Scoopin' up a big fish before it breaks the line. ONLINE- Where to stay when takin' a sobriety test. ROM- Where the Pope lives. SERIAL PORT- A red wine you drink for breakfast. SUPERCONDUCTOR- AmTrak's employee of the year. VIRUS - what gives you the sniffles ANTI-VIRUS PROGRAM - a jug of moonshine every day
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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck." ______________________________________________________ Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anita Wymer, 56, Fort Pierce, Florida Florida woman blames her dog for the alprazolam and diazepam pills in her car. You’ve heard the explanation that the dog ate my homework? Anita Wymer, 56, blamed something else on her pooch. Wymer on July 10 told St. Lucie County Sheriff’s investigators that alprazolam and diazepam pills – used in treating anxiety disorders — in her vehicle were prescribed to her dog, according to an arrest affidavit. Sheriff’s investigators evidently thought Wymer was barking up the wrong tree, and threw her not in the dog house but in the big house. A deputy stopped Wymer about 3 a.m. after investigators say she was traveling more than 90 mph in the area of Interstate 95 and St. Lucie West Boulevard. Wymer smelled of booze, and said she had “a few drinks.” Wymer took field sobriety exercises and was arrested on a DUI charge. Breath tests measured her blood alcohol content at 0.116 and 0.119, greater than the legal limit of 0.08. In her vehicle, investigators found 13 alprazolam and two diazepam pills. She couldn’t provide proof that she had a prescription. “Wymer then later stated that the pills were prescribed to her dog and she only took one,” an affidavit states. Instead of being thrown a bone, Wymer, of Fort Pierce, also was arrested on charges related to having prescription pills without a prescription. Her dog could not be reached for comment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris RE: How do I prepare for the next huricane? Dear Webby, There has been all kinds of weird and wacky advice on how to prepare for the hurricane that will hit here shortly. What do YOU suggest? Chris Dear Chris 1) If you don't have one, get an external USB hard drive and put all your important stuff on it, including the compressed downloads for your software and a file with your logons and serial numbers. 2) Put all your software CD's and other important CD's into an unsinkable fishing tackle box or small cooler with a latchng lid. Also put a flashlight in there. 3) Rent or borrow a laptop for a few days, or lease one from Dell. 4) Get a car or truck battery and an automotive battery charger and a cheap automotive 12 Volt to 110 Volt AC c onverter. NOTE: The most popular is the StatPower 650. It is cheap in automotive accessory stores, more expensive in electronics stores, even more expensive in computer stores, and totally outrageous in aircraft accessories stores. 5) Get a waterproof LED or fluorescent 12 volt mechanics light. They float, use very little battery power, and provide surprisingly decent light. Put the battery, charger and converter, and light into a lockable or at lest latchable 10 or 15 gallon camping cooler. Put some dry clothes into plastic bags and stuff them in there to keep the pieces from shifting. Also put a flashlight in there. You may have to go to the washroom. The reason for using such a large cooler is that a truck battery or car batteries is heavy. A larger cooler will float a lot higher in spite of the weight. A fully charged pick-up truck battery will power a laptop for more than a week. Preparations like that are not just in case the water level rises to your desktop. The same set-up will also work fine if you decide to put pontoons under your desk and raft down the Mississippi next spring. Don't forget your satellite modem! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband, my aunt decided the next time it happened, she would have a comeback. That moment finally arrived, and she was ready. "You know," she challenged, "even a broken clock is right once a day!" My uncle looked at her and replied, "Twice." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Smell from Shoes By sherry [33 Posts, 14 Comments] To get the smell out of shoes, I put a mixture of baking soda, baking powder, and cornstarch in a pair of cotton socks and stick in the shoes overnight. It works like a charm. By Sherry from Onset, MA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bob made a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" Jane responded with, "Yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the couch, watch TV and fart." ___________________________________________________
Happy birthday!
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Gale for this one: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought." ____________________________________________________ Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. That night, Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's fine" said the boss, "But where were you Friday?" ____________________________________________________
This is not graffiti it's awesome art!

Today on August 4

1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal
of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly
Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal
governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not
libelous." 

1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 

1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval
task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 

1914 Britain declared war on Germany and turned traditional
European border shuffling into a World War.
 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality. 

1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier,
was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down
all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown
affected 13 million phones. 

1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested
eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of
the people arrested. Her diary would be published after her
death. 

1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1956 William Herz became the first person to race a
motorcycle over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210
mph. 

1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 

1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the
world auto driving championship. It was his the fifth
consecutive year to win. 

1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand
Forks, ND. 

1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart,
which was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of
potential hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's
"Poor Little Fool." 

1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George
Wallace, the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63
years in prison. 

1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a
baseball during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull.
After the game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing
unnecessary suffering to an animal." 

1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso. 

1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal
Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that
radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a
balanced fashion. 

1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from
Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion
of the oil-rich Kuwait. 

1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived. 

1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 

1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United
Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in
full-time positions and defeated a proposed reorganization
of the company's pension plan. 

2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space
exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on
Mars on May 25, 2008. 

2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for
illegal entry earlier in the year. 

2016  smiled.


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