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Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, August 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Todays Bonehead Award: Florida Bonehead arrested for trading dope for pictures and sex with 14 year old girl. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, August 9, in 1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own" --- Robert A. Heinlein "Whoever could make two ears of corn ... grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind .. than the whole race of politicians put together." --- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for these: Science Exam Answers *********************************** Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and ketchup. *********************************** Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, deep sheep and canoeists. *********************************** Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. *********************************** Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. *********************************** Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. *********************************** Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. *********************************** Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. *********************************** Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. *********************************** Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. *********************************** Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. *********************************** Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome. *********************************** Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my racket." ______________________________________________________ Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know what you're doing." Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced, "I'm going left." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Ryan Williams, 26, Gainesville, Florida Florida Bonehead arrested for trading dope for pictures and sex with 14 year old girl. Since April, a 26-year-old Gainesville man has been swapping marijuana for nude pictures and videos of a teenage girl in Florahome, according to an arrest report. Joshua Ryan Williams, of 4143 NW Seventh St., began texting and calling the girl, then 14, asking her to send him images of her nude, the Gainesville Police report said. In exchange, he would drive to her Putnam County home and give her marijuana. On several occasions when Williams went to see the girl, the report said, he had her perform a sex act on him. He told police that he knew the girl was a teenager. Williams was arrested Thursday on five felony charges involving child pornography, cruelty toward a child and drugs. He was being held Friday in the Alachua County jail on $425,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fred RE: Small fonts on FB Dear Webby, I don't know how it has happen on my face book but every thing is in such tiny letter's Can you help me get it back to normal size. Thank you very much. Fred Dear Fred Hold down the CTRL key and roll the mouse scroll wheel away from you. That increases the zoom, text and pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Subject: Socrates Keep this in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor! In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly: "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test. "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary ..." . "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was messing with his wife. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon Lush Recipe This layered lemon flavored dessert is so delicious you will be looking for special occasions at which to serve it. This is a guide about lemon lush recipes. By Linda [5 Posts, 32 Comments] 5 found this helpful This dessert is a crowd pleaser. Ingredients: 1 cup plain flour 1 stick margarine, melted 2 Tbsp. sugar 1 cup nuts, chopped 1 (8 oz.) cream cheese 1 cup powdered sugar 1 large carton of Cool Whip 2 boxes Jello instant lemon pudding 2 cups milk dried shredded coconut or grated sweet chocolate Directions: Mix flour, butter, sugar, and nuts. Press into a 9x13 inch Pyrex dish or 9x15 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees F until brown. Cool. This is your first layer. Beat together cream cheese and powdered sugar. Fold in half of a large carton of Cool Whip. Spread on crust. This is your second layer. Mix the two boxes of Jello instant lemon pudding with 2 cups of milk. Spread over 2nd layer. Refrigerate until pudding sets. Spread remainder of Cool Whip on top. Sprinkle with coconut or grated sweet chocolate. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back. When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked her what had happened. She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!" ___________________________________________________
tough truckers
____________________________________________________ Morris goes to visit his cardiologist in follow up after his life threatening heart attack. The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to resume his active sex life as soon as he could climb three flights of stairs without becoming winded. Morris listens attentively and then says,"I haven't been able to walk 3 flights of stairs without getting winded since high school. Guess I'll have to stick to women who live on the ground floor." ____________________________________________________ A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought. "Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs." "What did you buy your wife?" the friend asked. The man said, "A new matching bicycle and lawn mower." ____________________________________________________
The earliest known versions of everyday items.
____________________________________________________

Today on August 9
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American
flag around the world. 

1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first
trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 

1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton
Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 

1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 

1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 

1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 

1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way
telegraph. 

1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing
machine. 

1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer. 

1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in
one Olympics. 

1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944. 

1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear." 

1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The
bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima.
About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August
14. 

1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan. 

1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the
Malaysian Federation. 

1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate
affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 

1974 U.S. President Richard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald
R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the
U.S. 

1975 The New Orleans Superdome as officially opened when the
Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The
new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 

1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found
guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles
Kings. 

1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would
support federal funding for limited medical research on
embryonic stem cells. 

2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. 

2016  smiled.


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