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Today is Saturday, August 20

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Have FUN!

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Todays Bonehead Award: Arkansas couple arrested for abusing 4 year old girl Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, August 20, in 1741 - Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good." As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly and smooth?" And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
From Trina I just picked up a copy of People's 100 Most Eligible Bachelors... I've searched cover to cover and I still can't find the order form. ______________________________________________________ When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie a Texan." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Clarence Reed, 47 Jennifer Denen, 30, Hot Springs, Ark. Arkansas couple arrested for abusing 4 year old girl A 4-year-old found beaten and abused said she thought her name was ‘Idiot,’ according to police The 4-year-old girl had deep purple bruises, a black eye, a swollen cheek and a mark on her forehead. She also had healing scars across her back, dried blood in the corner of her mouth and ligature marks on her wrist, authorities said. When a police officer asked her what her name was, she had a startling response: “Idiot.” Her mother’s live-in boyfriend, police said, regularly called the child “Idiot” instead of using her actual name. He also zip-tied the girl to her bed as a form of punishment, according to a police report. Clarence Reed, 47, and the child’s mother, Jennifer Denen, 30, both of Hot Springs, Ark., are now charged with domestic battery, permitting abuse of a minor and endangering welfare of a minor. Police received a call Friday from the Cooper-Anthony Mercy Child Advocacy Center, where a staff member told an officer that a malnourished 4-year-old had been abused in her home. Reed and Denen, who were at the center when police arrived, were later arrested. Denen told police that she had seen her boyfriend strike her daughter with a plastic bat and said she’d heard Reed frequently call the child “Idiot.” She admitted not seeking medical care for her daughter, the police report said. Reed told authorities that he hit the child. But instead of a plastic bat, he told police, he had used a half-inch-thick wooden paddle, according to the report. He also admitted zip-tying the child to punish her for climbing the kitchen cabinets. And although he said he had called the child “Idiot,” Reed told police he meant it as a joke. Cpl. Kirk Zaner, spokesman for the Hot Springs Police Department, told The Washington Post that a total of six children lived in the house, all of whom are Denen’s. One, an 11-month-old, is her only child with Reed. Zaner said the 4-year-old girl and the 11-month-old are now in the custody of the Department of Human Services. The four older siblings are with their biological father. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Calla RE: Need new icons Dear Webby, I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and where, but I have to make new ones. What program do you recommend for that? Calla Dear Calla Any decent paint program will work, and even indecently crude ones, as long as you can save a file as .BMP Before you start painting, make a directory and call it ICONS. You can take existing pictures as long as they have lots of contrast and not too many details. Shrink them to 32 x 32 pixels and see if they are still usable. Many pictures become unrecognizable when you do that. You may have to increase contrast and replace the background. Work on it in maximum Zoom and check it at normal size until it looks OK. Save the icons in BMP format into that ICONS directory. Once you have them all done, close the paint program and use Windows Explorer and rename the files to .ICO Note! You can not do that if the files are still open in the paint program. You HAVE to close them. After that, just right-click on an icon that you want to replace, click on Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the ICONS directory, choose the right icon and doubleclick it to select it. Then hit APPLY and OK and the new icon will show up. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked. As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see…just like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him." ____[__________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Fingernails Splitting I asked my dermatologist, while being checked for skin cancers, about my soft, splitting and peeling nails. She said "Its dry nails" and gave me a sample of Elon, which is a lanolin based cream. It helped, but I bought a tube of plain old lanolin from the pharmacy for $2.00 that works just as good and is much cheaper. (01/04/2007) By Syd's 2˘ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "the red-head in the middle." He was surprised that his mother was able to guess the correct woman, "How do you know?!" The mother replies, "I don't like her!" ___________________________________________________
Alien - I Will Survive (an oldie, but a goodie)
____________________________________________________ From Nancy After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along." ____________________________________________________ After his usual, lengthy sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him." ____________________________________________________
Eight miles of tunnels full of World War I history were just rediscovered.

Today on August 20 in
1741 - Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered

1866 - The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an
eight-hour workday. 

1882 - Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 

1885 - "The Mikado", by Gilbert and Sullivan, opened at the
Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City. 

1914 - German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during
World War I. 

1918 - The British opened its Western Front offensive during
World War I. 

1923 - The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was
launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage
from the same location on September 4. 

1940 - France fell to the Germans during World War II. 

1953 - It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had
detonated a hydrogen bomb. 

1955 - In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed
in anti-French rioting. 

1955 - Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew
to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of
822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 

1967 - The New York Times reported about a noise reduction
system for album and tape recording developed by technicians
R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate
Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process
in its recordings. 

1968 - The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"

1977 - Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record
containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of
music and sounds of nature. 

1985 - The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester
Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 

1991 - A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power. 

1997 - NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka
that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian
Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 

1997 - Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the
Soufriere Hills. 

1998 - Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could
not secede without the federal government's consent. 

1998 - U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were
chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their connection
with Osama bin Laden. 

1998 - The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 

2010 - The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after
more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 

2016  smiled.

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