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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, Sept 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after 
incestuous marriage
Details at Boneheads
Today, September 9, in 
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the fight between you and the world, back the world. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, as soon as I get around to it. --- Procrastinatus ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good jokes always come back, no matter how often I send them out. Thanks to Kris for this classic: A buddy of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. My buddy had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the man was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, “Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind guy replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! ______________________________________________________ A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here? "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The rotten bastard ran out of my shop without paying me!" "This fellow," the officer asks, "does he have any distinguishing features?" "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's missing this here ear." ______________________________________________________ Beach Camo, from FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Spann, 43, Misty Spann, 25, Duncan, Oklahoma Oklahoma mother, daughter arrested after incestuous marriage A mother and daughter from Oklahoma are accused of having an incestuous marriage. Patricia Spann, 43, and Misty Spann, 25, were married in March 2016 in Comanche County, court records show. Police say Patricia is Misty’s biological mother. Investigators with the Department of Human Services discovered the illegal relationship in August while investigating the children who were inside the Spanns’ home. Misty and her two brothers were raised by a grandparent when Patricia lost custody of them, an arrest affidavit states. The DHS investigator told authorities that Patricia and Misty reunited two years ago. Patricia told officials she didn’t think she was breaking any laws by marrying Misty because her name is no longer listed on her daughter’s birth certificate. A warrant was issued for their arrests on Friday. Since then, Patricia and Misty have both been arrested and booked into the Stephens County Jail for incest, a detective told KFOR. Bond was set at $10,000 for each of the Spann women. They’re due in court next month. In Oklahoma, incest is a felony, and if convicted, is punishable up to 10 years in prison. Court records show this isn’t the first time Patricia has married one of her own children. She also married one of her sons in 2008. However, court records show that marriage was annulled in March 2010. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose RE: PayPal Mails Dear Webby, How do you tell if one of those notices are REALLY from PayPal or from some slimeball? They all look so legitimate to me, no matter how hard I look. Rose Dear Rose Unless you use MailWasher Pro, the fake ones look more legitimate than the real one. WITH MailWasher PRO, the fake ones show just a few nonsense words and that there is some sort of picture. In the MailWasher Pro Preview it's so obviously spam that even your pet rock could tell at the first glance that it is spam. In MailWasher PRO there is a preview that shows what is actually hidden under legitimate looking fake text. That makes it super easy to tell if you should actually download that mail, or just nuke it up on the server. Hundreds of subscribers have written me, to thank me for nagging them into getting MailWasher. So I'll keep doing it. Nag, nag, nag! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The Lord of the Manor had a butler called Wibble. One day he called Wibble and said, "What about running my bath Wibble." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" said Wibble. "Yes Wibble, what about my dressing gown." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "Yes Wibble, what about my carpet slippers." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "No Wibble, If I require anything else I shall call you. The old Lord lowers himself into the water, and lets go a long fart. Five minutes later, Wibble returns with a hot water bottle on a silver tray. "Here you are my Lord, your hot water bottle," says Wibble. "I never asked for that," said his Lordship. To which Wibble replied, "You did my Lord, as you lowered yourself into the bath, I distinctly heard you say, 'Whadabowdawadderboddlewibble.' ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from 5 Ingredient Apple Tart By attosa [237 Posts, 538 Comments] his apple tart is so easy to make. The great thing is you don't need any fancy equipment or fluted tart pans or techniques. Just throw everything in a pan and put it in the oven! Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 50 minutes Yield: 8 servings Ingredients: 5 medium apples 1/2 cup sugar 1 1/4 cup all purpose flour 1 stick cold butter 2 Tbsp milk Steps: Preheat oven to 400 F. Move oven rack to lowest position. Place flour in a big bowl. Chop up butter and use two forks or a pastry cutter to mix the two until its a sand-like texture. Slowly add the milk while you mix the butter and flour until it turns into dough. Wrap in plastic and place dough in fridge for at least 30 minutes. Pour your sugar into the bottom of the baking pan. I used a dry 5 x 8 inch nonstick bundt pan. Peel the apples, and cut into 12ths. It's best to use hard apples with the least amount of juice, similar to Granny Smith's. Place the apples in rows on top of the sugar. Stack the rows until your pan is full. Remove the dough from the fridge and while it's still in plastic, flatten it with a rolling pin until its the size of the top of your pan full of apples. Check if the sizes match by holding it over the pan. When it's about the right size, cut the plastic off. You can cut off any overhanging pieces to patch any holes. Place the dough on your apples and tuck into the sides. Bake in oven on lowest oven rack position for 40 minutes. Remove from oven. Let cool for a few minutes. While it's still warm, flip it over onto a large dish. Serve with cream, if desired. :) ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________ "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________
difference in people's brains
____________________________________________________ One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he was being paged by "Lucille". He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name" was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked. "L-O-W C-E-L-L" ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." ____________________________________________________
This man has some serious talent!

Today on September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle. 

1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United

1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law. 

1850 California became the 31st state to join the union. 

1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York. 

1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 

1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men. 

1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 

1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over the Pacific rainforest
in an attempt to set fire to the forests in Oregon and
Washington. The forest did not ignite. 

1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and

1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of

1957 The first civil rights bill to pass Congress since
Reconstruction was signed into law by U.S. President

1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization. 

1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes. 

1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an

1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later. 

1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films on
WTBS in Atlanta, GA. 

1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations

1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 

1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees. 

1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day

1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 

1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications

2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition. 

2016  smiled.

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