Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, Sept 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over 
unsatisfactory drive-thru grub
Details at Boneheads
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Today, September 14, in 
1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon
bonaparte's troops invaded.

See More of what happened on this day in history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



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The more I study religions the more I am convinced that 
man never worshipped anything but himself.
--- Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821 - 1890) 

Economics is extremely useful as a form of 
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car 
accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 
months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer 
pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. 
Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them." 
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle...
he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's
name?"
"Denephew."

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This is an oldie, but nothing has changed:
Thanks to Gayle for this example of typical US media style
reporting:

President Bush & the Pope
The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Bush 
takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the 
Presidential yacht, the Sequoia.

They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's
hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.
Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President
Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait.  I'll take care of
this. Don't worry."

Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water
and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and
picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard.


He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the 
AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal,
Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, 
Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim:
"Bush Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every
Democratic politician has to say about that.

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I think that was from Betty, a long time ago.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Chianti Gipson, 
24,
Seminole,
Floriduh

Florida Woman trashed Wendys eatery over 
unsatisfactory drive-thru grub

A Florida woman was arrested Saturday night after storming
into a Wendy’s and trashing the restaurant because she was
unhappy with the food she had received at the drive-thru
window, police report.

Investigators say that Chianti Gipson, 24, placed an order at
a Wendy’s in Seminole around 6:30 PM Saturday, but she was
“dissatisfied with the food ordered.”

According to court records, Gipson is a carreer criminal with
a rap sheet, that includes arrests for battery on a pregnant
woman; marijuana possession; aggravated assault with a motor
vehicle; discharging a firearm in public; and possession of
counterfeit currency. 

Gipson, cops say, began arguing with Scott Anthony Bui, a
Wendy’s manager who eventually closed the drive-thru window
while Gipson was parked outside.

Seen above, Gipson then got out of her vehicle and “began
verbally engaging the victim” inside Wendy’s. According to
court filings, Gipson began “flipping and pushing items off
the counter” and “deliberately splashed pink lemonade onto
[Bui’s] face/chest area.”

Gipson caused about $100 in damages to a display table and a
metal iced tea dispenser, noted cops, who added that her
outburst "disrupted diners and staff" at the restaurant.

Gipson, a St. Petersburg resident, was arrested for battery,
criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct. She was released
from jail Sunday morning after posting $1000 bail on the
misdemeanor counts.

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Tech Support Pits
From: Silvia
RE: Flat digital pictures
Dear Webby,
The flash pictures from my digital camera all turn out flat
and boring. What's the trick to make them look more
realistic?
Silvia

Dear Silvia
The trick is not to use the built in flash. If you absolutely
have to use a flash, use a remote flash and hold the remote
flash at the end of an outstretched arm.

What I found better than a remote flash is a 500 Watt quartz
halogen work light. They come in sturdy, weatherproof 
housings with a safety grill in front and cost around $12-
$15.

Set them up to the side and a bit higher than the camera, 
and set the camera to NOT use flash. 

The pictures have excellent contrast and a slightly warmer 
tone than flash, which usually is a lot more flattering than
the cold hard light of a flash.

Since most digital cameras don't need as much light as a 
film camera, you can use a regular dimmer switch to turn
the brightness down to just the right mood. At about half
dimmed down the effect is as if the room was lit by just 
candles.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked 
in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped 
up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock 
over a lamp and chew on the cushions. 

The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't 
you think you should train your dog a little better?" 

"My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Folgers' Coffee Can Christmas Art

By pam munro [523 Posts, 789 Comments]
Folger's has lovely holiday templates on their website for
you to decorate their red canisters! There are even
instructions. I can think of many more ways to use that clip
art, myself!



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 

Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest
equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his
friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly
drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he
drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a
new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked.

Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"



 AT AT's day out

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Groan Alert:
Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ 
in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.

Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."

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The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel 
carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 
officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of 
sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators 
(fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her log, 
"On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston
with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 
48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 
11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of 
flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. 
She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons 
of Portuguese wine. 

On 18 November, she set sail for England.

In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and 
captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only
the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. 
Nevertheless, and though unarmed, she made a night raid up 
the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a 
whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons
of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn.

Then she headed home.

The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February
1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, NO rum, NO
wine, NO whiskey and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

It seems that instead of chaplains, psychiatrists and similar
spiritual counsellors they took their spiritual counselling
mostly in liquid form.

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Photos you won't believe are real, 
especially the boys jumping into Jacob's Well.

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Today on September 14 in

1812 moscow was set on fire by Russians after napoleon
bonaparte's troops invaded.

1814 francis scott key wrote the "star-spangled banner," a
poem originally known as "defense of fort mchenry," after
witnessing the british bombardment of fort mchenry, md,
during the war of 1812. The song became the official u.S.
National anthem on march 3, 1931. 

1847 u.S. Forces took control of mexico city under the
leadership of general winfield scott. 

1866 george k. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 in new york city, henry bliss became the first
automobile fatality. 

1901 u.S. President william mckinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice president theodore roosevelt,
at age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 carl g. Muench received a patent for insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 the vs-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by igor sikorsky. 

1940 the selective service act was passed by the u.S.
Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the united
states. 

1959 luna ii, a soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 

1960 the organization of the petroleum exporting countries
(opec) was founded. The core members were iran, iraq, kuwait,
saudi arabia, and venezuela. 

1963 mary ann fischer gave birth to america's first surviving
quintuplets. 

1975 pope paul vi declared mother elizabeth ann bayley seton
the first u.S.-born saint. 

1984 joe kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the atlantic ocean. 

1987 tony magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the u-
ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1989 joseph t. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and
wounded twelve others at a printing plant in louisville, ky.
Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental
illness. He took his own life after the incident. 

1994 it was announced that the season was over for the
national baseball league on the 34th day of the players
strike. The final days of the regular season were canceled. 

1998 israel announced that they had successfully tested its
arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

2001 nintendo released the gamecube home video game console
in japan. 

2001 the fbi released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the september 11 terror attacks on
the u.S. 

2009 greyhound uk began operations as an hourly service
between london and portsmouth or southampton. 

2015 in livingston, la, and hanford, wa, the laser
interferometer gravitational-wave observatory (ligo)
detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time.
The news was reported on february 11, 2016. 

2016  smiled.






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