"True Story" emails 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, October 9

Thank you, Mildred!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Child in diapers locked in closet for 12 hours while 
mom allegedly took heroin, shoplifted
Details at Boneheads
Today, October 8, in 
1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War
took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by
George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord
See More of what happened on this day
in history.

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______________________________________________________ You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 - 1986) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: This morning I was standing next to a very large, fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly for no reason he confided in me that he "hadn't seen his thing in 15 years". Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I said, "Why don't you diet?" Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said. "Dye it? What color is it now?" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ A spammer buys two horses but he can't tell them apart. So he asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So he does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So he can't tell them apart again. He asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells him to cut one of the horses ears. So he does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. The spammer is still confused. So he asks the farmer again what to do. He tells him to measure the horses. The spammer comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paige Nicole Adams, 24, Phoenix, Arizona Child in diapers locked in closet for 12 hours while mom allegedly took heroin, shoplifted A Phoenix mother has been arrested for child abuse after her three-year-old daughter was found locked in a closet. Paige Nicole Adams, 24, also admitted taking heroin, according to the police report. Adams was initially arrested on September 29th for allegedly shoplifting. When officers asked her if she had any children, Adams reportedly told police she had a daughter who was with friends. That 3-year-old daughter was later discovered to be alone in an apartment and barricaded in a bedroom inside one of the closets. “The victim was crying and had a dirty diaper,” stated the police report. When detectives again contacted Adams, “she admitted to detectives that she was high on heroin at the time she left her child in the apartment alone. She stated that she did not think she would be gone long,” according to the police report. When asked why she did not tell officers about her daughter once she was arrested, “she could provide no real explanation other than things were a blur,” according to the police report. The child had reportedly been left alone for nearly 12 hours. Officers also said they found syringes around the home that were accessible to the child, should she have been able to get out of the closet. Adams is due back in court October 17th. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: MsLL: Re: TRUE STORY Re: TRUE STORY Dear Webby, Re: TRUE STORY ..... < Dear MsLLebsock Whenever you see "TRUE STORY" and it comes from AOL, it is a hoax. Also, if it comes from AOL and you read "As announced by Microsoft (or IBM, or AOL, or McAfee, or etc.) you can also file it on the same shelf. And take it with a big grain of salt. For tons of examples of "TRUE STORY" hoaxes click on the Urban Legend link in the side margin of the Humor Letter. There are nowhere near all of them there, but plenty to keep you laughing for years. Have FUN! DearWebby "The answering machine has eloped with the toaster. You are talking to the Microwave. If you want the other half of your brain cooked too, please switch your phone to the other ear and wait until you can no longer hear the high pitched beep." Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Awesome Cinnamon Rolls By StellaBell [187 Posts, 173 Comments] Prep Time: 1 hour (30 minute rise) Cook Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 1 hour 15 minutes Yield: 14 Source: http://ourbestbites.com/2010/06/everyday-cinnamon- rolls/ Ingredients: 1 cup milk 4 Tbsp butter 3 1/2 cup flour 2 1/4 tsp instant yeast 1/4 cup white sugar 1/2 tsp salt 1 egg 3/4 cup brown sugar, packed 1 1/2 Tbsp ground cinnamon 1/2 cup butter, softened Steps: Put 3/4 cup of milk and 4 Tbsp butter into a bowl and microwave on high for 1 1/2 minutes. Then stir in the 1/4 cup cold milk to bring the temperature down a bit. Set aside. In a bowl, whisk together 2 cups of flour, white sugar, yeast and salt. Once the milk is warm (not hot) use a mixer to add the milk and 1 egg to the flour mixture. Mix until well combined. Add another cup of flour and mix until combined. Turn the dough onto a well floured surface. Have a 1/2 a scoop of flour ready, you may not use all of it. Add a bit a flour on top and coat your hands with flour, it will be very sticky at first. Slowly fold in some flour a little at a time until it is easier to work with. Once the flour is workable, but still quite soft, knead the dough for about 5 minutes. Make sure not to add too much flour or else your cinnamon rolls will come out tough. Let to dough rest for about 10 minutes while you whip together the filling. For the filling, simply mix together 1/2 cup of softened butter, 3/4 cup packed brown sugar, and 1 1/2 Tbsp ground cinnamon. On a well floured surface, roll the dough out into a 12x14 inch rectangle. Using a rubber spatula, spread the filling on top of dough, covering it edge to edge. Starting from the long side of the rectangle, roll the dough up and pinch the edge down. Use floss to score the dough to make 14 rolls. Then slide the floss under the roll at the score mark and wrap the two ends up and cross them to cut the dough. Place the rolls into a greased pan. Cover and let sit in a warm place to rise for 30 minutes. In a 350 degree F oven, bake the cinnamon rolls for 15 minutes, or until the top is slightly browned and the center of the dough looks cooked. I don't like very sweet cinnamon rolls, so I like to eat them without icing. But you can make a quick and easy icing by mixing 2 Tbsp softened butter with 1 cup of powdered sugar, 1 tsp vanilla and add milk a splash at a time until you reach the consistency you like. Or you could find a nice cream cheese frosting recipe. Put the icing on while the cinnamon rolls are hot, for the best results.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a letter, the only problem, was that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'. He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese." No, that won't work, he tried again: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right? Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern, I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me a second one." So they sent him two male ones.
Blonde-Star Emergency
____________________________________________________ I spent a fortune On a trampoline, A stationary bike And a rowing machine Complete with gadgets To read my pulse, And gadgets to prove My progress results, And others to show The miles I've charted - But they left off the gadget To get me started! --- Dorothy Heller ____________________________________________________ Customer: "I want to download the Internet. Do I need a bigger hard disk?" Support: nah, just get a bunch of floppies. To download the Internet CLICK HERE: http://www.w3schools.com/downloadwww.htm Keep a close eye on the time remaining for the download. You would not want to miss the end of that. ____________________________________________________
Scrimshaw, a dying art.

Today on October 9 in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land that
belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded Providence,
Rhode Island as a place for people to seek religious freedom.

1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in
New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale. 

1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now
San Francisco, CA. 

1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War
took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by
George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord

1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two
British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 

1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 

1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 

1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began. 

1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later
became Montgomery Wards. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two

1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for
the first time. 

1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp,

1930 Aviator Laura Ingalls landed in Glendale, CA, to
complete the first solo transcontinental flight across the
U.S. by a woman. 

1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was later
changed to Hoover Dam. 

1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis.
The dome was unharmed in the bombing. 

1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg,

1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen

1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. She
became the oldest person to become a member. 

1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth
federal official to be removed from office through
impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high
crimes and misdemeanors." 

1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd
Webber opened in London. 

1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of
tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 

1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in
response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and
hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 

1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a

2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his
father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing him
to number 9. 

2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and
made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that
water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the

2016  smiled.

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