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Today is Tuesday, October 11

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Todays Bonehead Award:
Groom high on drugs wrecks £130k supercar during 
high-speed police chase on his stag party
Details at Boneheads
Today, October 10, in 
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.

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______________________________________________________ Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. --- Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919) "I hate the expression 'A friend is a present you give yourself.' Gag. A case of Heineken is a present you give yourself. A friend is somebody you don't have to talk to once there's food on the table." --- Sabrina Matthews ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But you better not call me Louise!" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the United counter at gate 4." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." ______________________________________________________ Thabnks to dad for this picture: This none bloomed today. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nasar Hanif, 29, Oldham, England Groom high on drugs wrecks £130k supercar during high-speed police chase on his stag party Nasar Hanif's pre-wedding celebration descended into mayhem after he got involved in a city centre brawl that sent him fleeing from police. Hanif had previous convictions for affray, obstructing police, possessing heroin and cocaine with intent, and driving offences, typical for a high profile dope dealer. High on a cocktail of drugs smashed up a £130,000 Audi after he was Tasered by police during a high-speed chase on his stag do. Nasar Hanif's pre-wedding celebration descended into mayhem after he got involved in a city centre brawl that sent him fleeing from police in a Audi R8 Spyder. 130 000 Pounds is $162 000, but the Audi R8 Spyder is too hot for USA. High on cocaine and cannabis, Hanif crashed the vehicle into a lamp post and wrote it off after police were forced to Taser him to stop his rampage. He ran from the vehicle and was found moments later cowering under a car by a sniffer dog. Hanif, 29, collapsed in tears and had to be helped out of the dock as he was jailed for dangerous driving and assault causing actual bodily harm at Manchester Crown Court. Bridegroom Hanif, of Oldham, went out with pals to the Curry Mile to celebrate his ‘last night of freedom’. His group then headed to the city centre to show off cars they had rented for the wedding, which was set for the next day, reports the Manchester Evening News . The convoy included the Audi R8 Hanif was driving, a Lamborghini Gallardo, a Mercedes c63 convertible, and a Mercedes e250 convertible driven by his 25-year-old friend Vikaar Ali, prosecutor Justin Hayhoe revealed. In the early hours of October 10, outside The Printworks, the group got into argument with two men in town for a Rugby World Cup game. After the men pursued the convoy along the street, Hanif and his friends got out of vehicles. One of the rugby fans was chased off, the other was given a kicking by Hanif and seven of his friends. 7 against 1. The group fled after dragging the unconscious man they had assaulted out of the road. But police were on their tail, and caught up with them at Oldham Road. There, Vikaar Ali, who was driving the Mercedes E250, flashed to his friends that they were being pursued, before turning off. Police followed the Lamborghini and the R8 as they travelled at low speed towards Failsworth . When the cars stopped at lights, the police tried to block them in. Both vehicles reversed, with Hanif hitting the car behind him, before speeding off. The Lamborghini got away, but an officer caught up with Hanif at the car park of Tesco, ramming the R8 and forcing it into a spin. Hanif was still determined to get away, so the officer got out of his car, drew his Taser, and ordered him to stop. He still carried on, and ended up being Tasered at the wheel before losing control and smashing the car into a lamp post. Despite this, he got out of the wreckage, and ran off before being found hiding under a car by a police dog. Sentencing Hanif to 18 months in jail, Judge Richard Mansell QC said ‘sickening’ violence had been followed by ‘appalling’ driving. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Abe Re: Currency Converter Dear Webby, I have used the XE currency converter that you have in the side menu hundreds of times, but it stopped working. I thought XE was a pretty gig outfit, but the link is ded now. Can you find another one? Thanks Abe Dear Abe Thanks for bringing it to my attention. They switched from to and have a new currency converter. I put that one into the link on the menu now. Have FUN! DearWebby This picture illustrates the "informal shotgun wedding" joke from yesterday.
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Daily tip from Tip: Removing Ball Point Pen From Leather Try hairspray! I had a blue pen and the ink went on my fingers. I went to push the stool in and it went on the stool. I tried Jif, bleach and alcohol, they all didn't work. When it came to hairspray, it came straight off with just one wipe down. So if you have any leather that has been marked with ink, don't stop and think that it's a scar for life. Let me tell you that hairspray was the best product I ever used! By Olivia from Bexley, NSW
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Linda It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!", she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
glory days of movies - a Busby Berkeley production
____________________________________________________ Seems Judi had a speech impediment. She was working at the department store. Her supervisor was named Weldon Taylor. She'd received a large check and needed his approval to accept it. She picks up the intercom and says, "Wel Done Tator to the BBQ grills!" ____________________________________________________ A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $100 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $100, and he thought it might be a joke or a typo. However, he was intrigued and soon decided it was worth a shot. He went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house. "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $100?" "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money." He paid her and asked her to come along to the MV to change the papers. On the way back he invited her to the Outback Steak House. ____________________________________________________
Do you know what fordite is? It looks like a mineral but it's not.
Today on October 11 in
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle of
Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first invention.
The electric machine was used for counting votes for the
U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film for

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign
was aired. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II, began
in the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The
probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth
and burned up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don
Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out of
service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME,
switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in
the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins.
He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border. 

1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2016  smiled.

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