Cheap calculator 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Half-naked mother-of-three, 37, is arrested for chasing 
cars in Tennessee while wearing clown makeup
Details at Boneheads
Today, November 4, in 
1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is." "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her." "You were perfectly right. "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this one: There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in roaring laughter. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Candice Kreidel, 37, Cunningham, Tennessee Half-naked mother-of-three, 37, is arrested for chasing cars in Tennessee while wearing clown makeup Who Is Candice A. Kreidel? Candice A. Kreidel is a 37 year old woman from Montgomery County, Tennessee. On October 27, 2016, Candice A. Kreidel was arrested by Montgomery County Tennessee police. Kreidel was partially nude while wearing clown makeup, and she was chasing and jumping on cars in the town of Cunningham. The arrest warrant noted a series of calls about a white female wearing clown-like makeup, a stocking cap, and was either partially or completely nude that was running up and down Louise Road, chasing cars and jumping out in front of other cars. Kreidel was intoxicated and locked up due to being a danger to herself and others. She was also charged with making numerous non-emergency calls to 911. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Sue Re: Calculator Dear Webby, I need a cheap calculator. What do you recommend? Sue Dear Sue Click on START type calc Hit Enter It is just a very basic calculator, but it is built in. PowerCalc from XP does not work in W7 or W8 or W10. You can run it in Google, though. Just google for powercalc It is a bit klutzy and you can't scroll back and edit, but it can do more than the built in calc. Personally I use a spreadsheet, Quattro or Excel or Calc in Open Office or office Libre. There you can scroll back, edit, type comments, have different layers, for example for different months, and call numbers like totals from those months onto a cover sheet. When you edit any sheet, the totals on the cover sheet automatically update. Sounds intimidating? It's not. You'll kick yourself for not having started playing with spreadsheets a long time ago. Have FUN! DearWebby A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, folded it care- fully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cinnamon to Deter Ants By Jess [163 Posts, 843 Comments] I tried this in my kitchen recently because the sugar ants were starting to show up on my countertops. I scattered cinnamon behind my sink, which is where they seem to get into the house. I haven't seen an ant in days! I even left a box of donuts on the counter and they have been left entirely alone. Seems much safer than using ant poison or boric acid in my kitchen.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."
dog barks at cat on stairs
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ardy for this classic: A man walked into the ladies department of a Macys and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk? "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types. The sales lady replied "There are Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Sales lady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ____________________________________________________ (Q) What' s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? (A) A northern zoo has latin names and stuff nobody reads on the cages. A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. ____________________________________________________
Making people laugh from the grave. My Dad's headstone says on one side: Pardon Me For Not Standing Up And on the other side: Remember friend as you pass by As you are now so once was I As I am now so soon you'll be Prepare yourself to follow me
Today on November 4
1846 A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin

1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered the
anethestic qualities of chloroform. 

1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 

1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the lost
tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 

1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality
stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy
allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 

1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air-
conditioned car was put on display. 

1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El
Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the

1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the
uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 

1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and
took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants,
mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah
back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later
released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 

1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle
Columbia was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the

1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 

1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was
returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had
been kidnapped by the CIA. 

1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East
Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 

1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight
a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 

1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi
Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by President
Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald R. Ford
and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st gathering of 5 U.S.
chief executives. 

1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was
assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after attending
a peace rally. 

1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against
the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The
sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to
turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with
masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in
Kenya and Tanzania. 

2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" had
its world premiere in London. 

2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and
thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture of
sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba received
the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in nearly 40

2010 Microsoft's Kinect was launched worldwide. 

2016  smiled.

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