What is my IP number? 

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Today is Saturday, November 19

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Todays Bonehead Award:

Details at Boneheads
Today, November 17 in 

1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
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______________________________________________________ The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with the man. The next day she became his stepmother. (Men will never learn) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: A Zebra died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. As he entered, he said to St. Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes? St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer" So, the zebra set off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please -I must know - am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to St. Peter, who asked, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you"? The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said "you are what you are." St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it; you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra looked puzzled and asked St. Peter, "How do you know that"? "Because," St. Peter said, "if you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said "Yo is wot yo is." ______________________________________________________ Spanish Gate Keeper ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shemroy Williams, 31, Taunton, Massachusetts Man convicted of using Cheetos to try and burn down ex's home A 31-year-old Taunton man who attempted to burn down his ex- girlfriend’s house while she was still inside was convicted of malicious destruction of property and sentenced to serve the maximum two-and-a-half year jail sentence, according to the Bristol County District Attorney’s Office. Shemroy Williams, of 42 Weir St., was convicted by a jury in Taunton District Court after just one hour of deliberation, the Taunton Gazette reported. On March 10, 2016, Taunton police and fire officials responded to 164 Somerset Ave. after the intended victim and her friend reported that the defendant was attempting to light the home on fire. An investigation revealed Williams attempted to light the home on fire in five different locations and wedged a propane tank up against the house while a fire on the back porch was burning. Fire officials were able to pull the tank away from the home before it ignited. Police located Williams about 100 yards away from the home with two lighters in his pocket and an empty bag of Cheetos. Investigators determined the defendant attempted to use the Cheetos to accelerate the fire. “The defendant engaged in outrageous behavior that jeopardized the safety of the intended victim, her friend and first responders,” said District Attorney Thomas Quinn. “I want to thank Deputy Fire Chief Scott Dexter for his quick response and removal of the propane tank. I would also like to thank Judge Brennan for imposing the maximum jail sentence, which was well deserved.” The case was prosecuted by Assistant District Attorney Shawn Guilderson and the sentence was handed down by Judge Michael Brennan. Williams’ ex-girlfriend told police she’d previously had a romantic relationship with him and he’d been stalking her. She told police he had destroyed her cellphone, told her he thinks about killing her and had damaged her car by cutting undercarriage wires that he might have thought were a brake line, police said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Cindy Re: What is my IP address? Dear Webby, I need to know my IP address, where I am, not my site. How can I get my IP address when I am away from home and using a WiFi at Tim Hortons or Wendys or whereever? Thanks Cindy Dear Cindy Just go to http://webby.com/ip My site will instantly tell you in plain text, so that you can copy and paste. Have FUN! DearWebby A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read: "LAST CHANCE FOR $2.45 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank cheap. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "So, how much IS gas in Kentucky?" The man replied, "Two bucks and a quarter."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cornstarch, Vinegar and Water for Window Cleaning By Robyn [444 Posts, 823 Comments] A wonderful window cleaner can be made out of the following: Mix 2 cups of hot water with 1/4 cup of vinegar and a tablespoon of cornstarch. Mix very well, and the pour into a spray bottle. Use with crumpled up newspaper. The windows will shine!
news bloopers
____________________________________________________ At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "Service" .......... "The act of doing things for other people." Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City/County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations And I became confused about the word "Service." This is not what I thought "Service" meant. Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "Service" a few of his cows. It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "Service" agencies are doing to us. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Angela for this classic: A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too! I didn't know we had that choice on this flight!" ____________________________________________________
Scandinavian grass roofed-houses. Like something from Lord of the Rings.
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on November 19

1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 

1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued.
Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in Madison,

1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address
as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil
War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 

1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in
the Sunday New York World. 

1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E.

1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a
vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority was
needed for ratification. 

1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the
first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 

1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their
winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 

1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on
the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 

1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of
the unpopular Edsel. 

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made
man's second landing on the moon. 

1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab
leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 

1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev met for the first time as they began their summit
in Geneva. 

1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of

1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion anti-
crime measure giving them absolute monopoly in crime. 

1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel
Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 

1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi
McCaughey. It was only the second known case where all seven
were born alive. 

1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.

1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without
Beard" sold at auction for more than $71 million. 

1999 In Istanbul, Turkey, the Organization for Security and
Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) concluded a two-day summit after
adopting a new arms accord. During the conference, Russia was
criticized for its military campaign against Chechnya's
separatist movement. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most
comprehensive air security bill in U.S. history. 

2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank
off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons
of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed
about 150 miles out to sea. 

2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security
at 424 airports nationwide. 

2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released.

2016  smiled.

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