Caps Lock nuisance 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer 
with undergarment
Details at Boneheads
Today, November 24 in 

1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
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______________________________________________________ Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. --- Andy Rooney (1919 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." --------------------- No kidding, but something similar happened to me on Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they found another pilot. I have not flown with or recommended that airline since. ______________________________________________________ A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." ______________________________________________________ A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied. "I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbor did." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Angel Muttlea, 21, Fort Pierce, Florida Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer with undergarment Angel Muttlea, 21, was arrested by Fort Pierce police Oct. 30 in connection with the underwear imbroglio. A woman accused of apparently trying to choke a police officer with a “woman’s undergarment” was arrested, according to an affidavit. The incident at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart Institute happened as an officer stood near a bathroom. A woman later identified as Muttlea “threw over my head a black woman’s undergarment,” the affidavit states. “The garment then went around my neck and she began to pull back obstructing my airway,” the affidavit states. “I fell back to the ground with Muttlea and the garment still wrapped around my neck.” Muttlea dropped the undergarment, which appeared similar to a slip. Then she ate a rubber glove that was on the ground. Muttlea, of Fort Pierce, was arrested on charges including aggravated battery on officer and resist officer obstruct without violence charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Darlene Re: Caps Lock Dear Webby, Is there a way to permanently disable the Caps Lock key ? I never use it anyway and now, after breaking my pinky and having it taped to the ring finger for support, it's an even worse nuisance. And NO, id don't want some silly sound reminding me I hit the Caps Lock. I want it disabled. For good! Thanks Darlene Dear Darlene Just take a spoon and pry of the key cap for the Caps Lock, and throw it away. Or you can glue it onto the coin operated copy machine at Walmart or Staples. Have FUN! DearWebby
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90, with a heart problem."
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Daily tip from Removing White Marks from Wood Table By Hunnypuppy [2 Comments] I would like to offer a correction to the answers here. The root cause of the "cloudy" white stain on wood tables caused by hot plates is the moisture that is trapped within the varnish on the table. This is specially for really hard old reclaimed wood tables (teak, casuani, etc). These tables are typically finished with "oil" varnish or polish and not water. Now I tried everything from hot iron to baking soda and everything else in between. The one thing that made is worse was using a steam iron. That's because with steam it caused the oil polish on the table trap more moisture and it made it worse (like others have also seen if you google). The trick is to get the moisture out. So with a water based finish using a simple iron on low heat works great. However after 4 hours I realized that for oil based polish you need a very hot iron and a kitchen towel. This is very important because unlike water polish with oil polish I realized I need to get the table extremely hot and then it "pushes" the water out of the table (yes you can see beads of it) and the towel should soak it up right away otherwise it goes back. So to summarize for oil based finishes you need a dry iron at max temp out on a kitchen towel on the table and left there for about 20-30 seconds on each spot and then wipe off the water beads right away. Repeat until no more water comes out. This is different from water based finish. Do NOT use a steam iron on a oil based finish. Hope this helps.
The One Moment - super cool
____________________________________________________ A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer." ____________________________________________________ Porridge: Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE." ____________________________________________________
Hilarious signs
An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on November 25

1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian

1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured
Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 

1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New
York. New York was their last military position in the U.S. 

1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 

1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in
exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public
debts and settle border disputes. 

1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 

1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 

1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and
Germany, was signed. 

1952 Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" opened in London. 

1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned
racial segregation on interstate trains and buses. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke. 

1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide
after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war

1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in
military coup. 

1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against
the Detroit Lions. 

1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-
fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 

1985 Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges.
Pelton was a former employee of the National Security Agency.
He was later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet

1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese
revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been
diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor
John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 

1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 

1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into
separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1,

1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on
his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near
his motorcade. 

1995 Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital
Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan. 

1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean
dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought
by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution for the
crimes he committed during his rule. 

1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first
visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II.

1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5
billion bailout for Pakistan.

2016  smiled.

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