Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly-flopped
onto windshield of Wisconsin police car
Details at  Boneheads
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Today, January 4 in 
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales 
was published by "Billboard" magazine. 
 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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Few people think more than two or three times a year; 
I have made an international reputation for myself 
by thinking once or twice a week.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Between two evils, I always pick the one 
I never tried before.
--- Mae West (1892 - 1980)

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed 
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--- Will Rogers
___________
Right. Always cuss in Latin.
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced.
The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said.
The other couple came in,sat down, then asked,
"Where's John?"

"Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and
spackling."

"Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and
didn't get over it for two weeks.
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The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students 
included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam.

Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping 
aloud as they realized how much material they had covered 
and were expected to recall.

The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers 
on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last 
week, the Lord spoke to me.

He said, 'Thanks, professor.  I haven't heard from some of 
those people in years!"
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If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

James Romano,
25,
Menasha,
Wisconsin

Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly flopped
onto windshield of Wisconsin police car

The 25-year-old Wisconsin resident rang in the New Year by
performing an exquisite belly flop atop the windshield of a
police cruiser.

Romano, for some reason, charged the stationary squad car
shortly after midnight Sunday. As he reached the vehicle’s
front end, Romano launched himself into the air. Upon
landing, Romano smashed the windshield of the cruiser, which
was occupied by a Menasha Police Department officer.

After a scuffle with cops, Romano was taken into custody and
transported to a local hospital for treatment. He was then
booked into the county jail on multiple charges, including
battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct,
and criminal damage to property.

Investigators say that Romano (seen above) “had been
drinking” prior to his ill-conceived execution of the
January 1 belly flop in Menasha, a city about 35 miles south
of Green Bay.

According to his LinkedIn page, Romano works as a customer
service manager at Walmart.

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Tech Support Pits
From: Debby
Re: Garbled emails
Dear Webby,
The humor letter is great Thanks!   
I hope you can give me a little insight as to why I receive 
emails that is full of useless words, just words all
garbled up.  Is it some kind of code or something?  Some 
emails are the entire thing, some have just a paragraph at
the end of a letter.
Thanks,
Debby

Dear Debby
Spam is for trashing, not for getting philosophical about.
They are just putting crap in there to try and sneak past 
spam control programs, and then show their phony ads 
as a picture.

Obviously, somebody who uses such a crooked approach 
is a crook, and not worth your time or money.
Just trash their garbage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



I met a man who had been married for 66 years.
"Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to
such a long, happy marriage?"

"Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all
the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the
little decisions."

"Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?"
"Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not
one big decision!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lip Balm
By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments]
My lips have been so dry lately and I couldn't find my usual
lip stuff. Instead of going out and buying yet another one,
I made some. I had all the ingredients, but that's because I
make lots of homemade hand salves and foot balms, etc. The
most expensive supply is the beeswax. You can buy the
beeswax pastilles. I bought a huge 1 pound block with a 60%
off coupon at the craft store (for about $5) and I grated it
myself. It took some work and I don't recommend using a
grater that you want to use again for food (it is hard to
clean off). But, it has lasted a long time and I use it a
lot. This lip balm worked perfectly. My lips are no longer
dry and I saved a few bucks!

Total Time: 10 minutes, plus cooling time
Yield: 3 containers
Source: http://www.everydayroots.com

Supplies:
1 Tbsp grated beeswax, to act as your moisturizer
1 Tbsp coconut oil, to promote hydration
a dash of honey - The instructions call for raw honey, but I
had none. Regular honey worked, too.
2 vitamin E capsules (I didn't have the capsules, so I
squirted in what seemed like 2 capsules-worth)
pot to heat water
clean can or glass jar
containers to put your lip balm in

Steps:
Heat a small pan with about 1 inch of water to simmering. I
use an old pot that I don't cook with.
Take a small clean metal can and add the grated beeswax. If
you are opposed to using the can, you could use a glass jar.
It's hard to clean out, but you could use it over and over
again. Add the can or glass jar to the water.

Melt the beeswax about halfway.
Add the coconut oil and honey. Stir with a plastic utensil,
chopstick, or Popsicle stick. Once the mix hardens, it's
hard to clean off. Use something that you don't mind
tossing.

Once melted, carefully take the can out of the pan of water.
Use a towel or potholders.

I squish my can so that it has a spout to pour out without
getting the mixture all over my counter.

Pour into your containers. I had a couple of old lip stuff
containers. I also poured some into a cleaned baby food
container.

Don't touch your containers as they cool. It takes about 15
to 20 minutes to harden. Enjoy!

 
how to catch fish while 
water skiing
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The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four
days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct
the first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives
with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday.
It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap.
Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him
after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received
several annoying telephone calls because of the error we
made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct
as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine
for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for
Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I
intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had
the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with
Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she
has now quit.
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This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!

After setting off the alarm while passing through a metal
detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a traveler was 
asked by a security agent if she had any change in her 
pockets.

"Gee," she says, turning towards her husband, I told   
you we should of gone to Florida instead. Here everyone
expects to be tipped."   



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________




Today on January 4
1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 

1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful
appendectomy. The patient was Mary Gartside. 

1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was
published by "Billboard" magazine. 

1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British
Fifth Army in Italy. 

1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 

1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick
Mills. 

1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from
its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 

1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen. 

1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13
million. 

1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four
goals and four assists) for the second time in his National
Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the
Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
scoring NHL game to date. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied
territories. 

1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy
S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 

1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit
working. 

1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in
as Minnesota's 37th governor. 

2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the
position. 

2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai
Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 

2016  smiled.






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