Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman
Details at  Boneheads
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Today, February 9 in
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 
 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
--- Paul Beatty
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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Husband's note on refrigerator to his wife:
Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said that Pabst beer is normal."
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A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a
bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.

"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the
farmer.

"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look
riding around on a cow."

"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd
look trying to milk a bicycle!"
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From FB
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If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

22 year old
Russian woman 
Belgorod,
Russia

Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman

A 21-year-old woman is jailed for deliberately provoking
authorities. Her crime? She posted a photo of herself
lighting a cigarette with a candle in a Russian Orthodox
church in the city of Belgorod, reports the Moscow Times. 

For that, she has been charged with "insulting the feelings
of religious believers," under a law that came about in 2013
in the wake of the stunts pulled by the feminist punk group
Pussy Riot. She faces up to three years in prison, reports
the London Times.

Hers is not the only such case to generate headlines. A 22-
year-old man posted a video of himself playing Pokémon Go in
a church in Yekaterinburg after state television warned that
such game-playing was a no-no. He, too, was charged under
the 2013 law, and has been held since October. No trial
dates appear to have been set in either case. 

Meanwhile in Moscow:
Russian President Vladimir Putin gives a good example of
proper behavior in church, as he lights a candle in the
Lifegiving Trinity Church in Moscow. 



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Tech Support Pits
From: Connie
Re: Angelwinks going to wrong mailbox
Dear Webby
WHY DID YOU PEOPLE STOP SENDING ANGELWINKS TO
MY  IN BOX.  THEY ARE ALL COMING TO MY JUNK BOX.
I HAVE BEEN GETTING ANGELWINKS FOREVER AND ALL
OF A SUDDEN YOU STOPPED SENDING THEM  
           HOW COME????  PLEASE STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.
Sent from Outlook
Connie

Dear Connie
We send Angel's Angelwinks.net newsletter to your address.
What you do with it after that, is entirely up to you. Once
it has entered the Ho'mail server, there is nothing more
that we can do about it.

Probably you have accidentally hit the Junkmail button in
your Outlook one morning, and it remembered that.

You have to tell your Outlook yourself to behave and not to
toss good email into the junk box. I can't reach into your
Outlook. 

There is probably good information in the OUTLOOK help on
how to tell Outlook not to junk certain emails.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of 
Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold 
and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was 
perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold 
teeth. So Moisha explained.

"We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes 
for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher 
and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."

The customs official shook his head and said, 
"Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about 
the other three?"

Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews 
use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious 
I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.

The customs official slapped his head and then said,
"You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for 
food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That 
accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

"Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham 
sandwich."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stubborn Locks
If you have a lock that is not functioning well, spray it
with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any
hardware store. One popular brand is called Lock-Ease. In a
pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on
both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in
talcum powder and inserting it in the lock. 
 
Keep in mind that most locksmiths will charge you $20 more,
if you have gunked up a lock with graphite, and tell you
that the lock is beyond repair if you have used kitchen oil.

Those remedies may be OK for large, oldfashioned locks that
use simple gates to stop wrong keys from turning. If the key
looks like a miniature flag pole with a jagged flag at the
end, then it's safe to use that stuff, but you will still
get charged extra for gunking it up and the lock requiring
tedious cleaning.

Never use those for modern tumbler locks with a key similar 
to a car key. Tumbler locks should never see anything 
thicker than WD40 penetrating oil, and even that is frowned
upon, because it will trap dust. If you use penetrating oil
once, you will have to keep using it once or twice a year
until the lock has been taken out and all lubricants 
cleaned out. It is dust and grit and gunk that jam up a 
tumbler lock, not lack of lubrication.
DearWebby

 
Mini Maestro

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A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To Southern Dawgs

(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg

(Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg

(Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg"

(Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches

(Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg

(Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to
guard the still.

(Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg

(Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg

(Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg

(Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg

(Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs

(Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg

(Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg

(Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg

(Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg

(Yankee) Malemute
(Southern) Truck-Pullin' Dawg

(Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is That?"

(Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff
(Southern) Danged BIG Dawg

(Yankee) Any dog that raids the hen house
(Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg

(Yankee) Any lazy dog
(Southern) Good fer nothin' Dawg

(Yankee) Any dog that's dead & buried & gone to Rainbow
Bridge
(Southern) Best danged Dawg I ever had
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Detailed close-ups of Michelangelo's David.


A university creative writing class was asked to write a
concise essay containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery

The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen. 
"I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________




Today on February 9
1825 The U.S. House of Representatives elected John Quincy
Adams president. No candidate had received a majority of
electoral votes. 

1861 The Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of
America elected Jefferson Davis as its president. 

1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent
application for a chemical recording stock quotation
telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115). 

1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 

1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 

1895 The first college basketball game was played as
Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers
of Hamline College, 9-3. 

1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent,
Ohio. 

1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the
first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid,
NY. 

1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal
meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II.

1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S.

1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended
with an American victory over Japanese forces. 

1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State
Department was riddled with Communists. This was the
beginning of "McCarthyism." 

1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 

1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar
earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 

1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after
mankind's third landing on the moon. 

1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 

1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time
animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record
previously. 

2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs,"
opened in theaters.

2017  smiled.








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