Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 9

Thanks Jim!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and 
a patrol car
Details at  Boneheads
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Today, March 8 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor. 
 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a 
relief denied even to prayer.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
--- Robertson Davies 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
 
The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing
 on how to charge a customer.

"After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said,
"and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.'
Then see if he winces."

"If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The
lenses will be another $200.'"

"If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"


______________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at
the neurosurgeon's house.
After a two-minute job, he demanded $150.
The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even
charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon."

The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right!
I didn't either, when I was a surgeon.
That's why I switched to plumbing."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Cody Dwayne Hynum, 
30,
Highlands, 
Texas

Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and
a patrol car

A vehicle fire on Interstate 10 in Walton County leads to an
unprecedented chain of events including two stolen vehicles
and a handcuffed suspect stealing a patrol car.

Friday morning at approximately 9:50am Walton County
Sheriff’s Deputies responded to a vehicle fire near mile
marker 85 on I-10. After the fire was extinguished it was
discovered the vehicle was stolen out of DeFuniak Springs
and was purposely set on fire following the crash.

Shortly after, a citizen notices a man sitting in his Jeep
attempting to steal it at a home on Bob Sikes Road. The
citizen detained the suspect, holding him at gunpoint until
deputies arrived. 

The suspect, identified as Cody Dwayne Hynum, 30, was cuffed
and put in the back of a patrol car. Following his arrest it
was determined Hynum had also burglarized a carport and
stolen a Ford pickup truck, which was disabled in the area.

While deputies were working both crime scenes Hynum kicked
out the rear driver’s side window and, still cuffed, was
able to get out of the vehicle and gain access to the
driver’s seat. The suspect fled the area and driving with
his knees and chin drove down Woodyard Road. Hynum then hit
a private citizen’s fence, drove down a driveway and struck
a barrier at the end of the driveway. The suspect fled from
the patrol vehicle into the woods and was tased and
apprehended by deputies after a short foot pursuit.

Hynum was charged with escape, two counts of grand theft
auto with damages over $1,000, two counts of burglary,
larceny over a $1,000, criminal mischief over $1,000,
resisting arrest with violence, and fleeing and eluding. He
was taken to a local hospital to be evaluated and later
booked into the Walton County Jail. 
Additional charges may be added.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jae
Re: Name in the jokes

Dear Webby
My name as you know is Jae.
I love your humor letter a lot, i subscribed because my dad
had been subscribed ages ago and would tell us some of the
jokes you had. One day i decided i just had to get in on
this and subscribed.

I have not been dissapointed yet.
I love the pictures that get included and all the jokes are
just epic (although we have to agree that the bonehead award
winners are the biggest joke of all).

One of my favourite things about it is you use my name in it
a couple of times so i love that a lot.
Sorry for a long email but just wanted to say thank you and
to tell you that everyday you bring a smile to a one legged
boy who really needs to smile every now and then.
Jae

Dear Jae
Good for you!
That shows you are one of the smart ones.
Unfortunately about 10 % of the subscribers did not put
their first or nickname into the First Name slot, left it
blank or put their full name ito it.

A joke falls flat if the name is missing, or if the hero in
the joke is
Mrs Ernerstine Heather Slivowitz-Brownbottom III

I use the same code as with the greeting at the top. There
is no way to edit that for thousands every day.
If your subscription does not have the correct first name or
nickname, hit REPLY and type the correct first name or
nickname, that you want to see in the Good Morning greeting
at the top. 

I will edit your subscription. No need to unsubscribe and
re-subscribe.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Thanks to Diana for this story:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist 
capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of 
alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. 

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, 
the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" 
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around 
for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely 
toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, 
"How'd you get rid of the gators?" 

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pressure Cooker Mongolian Beef
By Judy Pariser S. [257 Posts, 1,596 Comments]
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes
Yield: 6 servings
Source: Instant Pot Community group on Facebook
 
Ingredients:
2 lb flank steak, cut into 1/4 strips
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
4 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup water
2/3 cup dark brown sugar (I used 1/3 cup Truvia brown sugar
blend)
1/2 tsp minced fresh ginger
2 Tbsp cornstarch
3 Tbsp water
3 green onions, sliced into 1-inch pieces
 
Steps:
Make sure your vegetables are all cut up and your sauce is
made. This recipe requires you to work quickly. Season the
cut beef with salt and pepper.
cut garlic and onions
flank steak cut in strips
Make the sauce and reserve for later. Add soy sauce, water,
brown sugar and ginger. Stir to combine.
Put oil in bottom of pot. Saute the beef in batches. Don't
crowd.
Move the beef to a plate when done.
Add the garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the sauce you
made earlier.
Add the beef and any juices. Lock the lid. Pressure cook on
high for 12 minutes.
Quick release.
Combine the cornstarch and water and mix thoroughly. Simmer
the sauce and add the cornstarch and water, stirring often
until the sauce thickens.
Stir in the green onions and serve.

 
the Wilhelm Scream Compilation

____________________________________________________

After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, Bob
looked over at his wife Shirley and said, 
"How come you never make love to me like that?"

"Are you kidding me?", she replied.
"She gets paid big money to act like she loves him!"
___________________________________________________



 
These ancient ceramic whistling bottles have been dated as far back as ca. 500 BC. 


Thanks to Jimmie for this story:
In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went  

to a bathroom-supply store.   

We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it   
was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion   
and made plans to come back the next day to make our final  
decision.   

Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant,   
where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store   
was now working a shift as a waitress.   

As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and   
called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! YOU'RE THE MAN WHO   
NEEDS A SHOWER!" 



Ophelia Dingbatter's
News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________




Today on March 9
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor. 

1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern
Russia by Swedish troops. 

1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 

1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston,
MA. 

1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in
North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President
George Washington. 

1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were
married. They were divorced in 1809. 

1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of
Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50
each. 

1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 

1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the
way for westward expansion of North America. 

1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for
artificial teeth. 

1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a
political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in
his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 

1839 The French Academy of Science announced the
Daguerreotype photo process. 

1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 

1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted
the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2
inches in diameter. 

1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was
appointed. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and
Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton
Roads, Virginia. 

1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief
of the Union forces. 

1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William
Hoskins for cue chalk. 

1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to
take university entrance exams. 

1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal
tombs of Tua and Yua. 

1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000
Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 

1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed
suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 

1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros
were killed in the last two days of fighting. 

1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill.


1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for
miners in Pennsylvania. 

1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the
British military defense budget. 

1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus,
New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 

1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus
over 160 feet. 

1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free
State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British
Crown. 

1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New
Deal legislation. 

1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the
upcoming elections would be arrested. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched
incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 

1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to
establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 

1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service
on the Illinois Central Railroad. 

1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop
Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting
terrorists. 

1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the
tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 

1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New
York. 

1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 

1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected
to the United States. 

1969 "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by
CBS-TV. 

1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 

1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 

1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three
buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took
more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 

1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S.
President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-
communism." 

1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores
across the U.S. for the first time. 

1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the
space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the
astronauts. 

1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors
Corporation. 

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a
cabinet member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 

1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of
"boat people." 

1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into
bankruptcy. 

1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a
mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 

1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los
Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil
rights. (California) 

1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for
illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 

2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne
Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2017  smiled.






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