Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother clobbered man, who pulled toddler’s diaper down
and tried to sodomize her at Missouri playground
Details at  Boneheads
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Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York,
 England. 
 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.
--- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

When dealing with the insane, 
the best method is to pretend to be sane.
--- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work.
He happens upon this guy that needs actors for a zoo that
couldn't get the permits to import a new ape.

The actor thinks that this is stupid, but he takes the job
anyway. He gets bored and decides to walk around and examine
his cage. With this, he notices that people are watching
his
every move. He decides to give them a show. Soon, he is
swinging on the poles and dancing around making a lot of
gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd.

One day, he is showing off for a group of kids. He is
swinging around and around a pole, when all of a sudden,
his hand slips and he goes flying over the cage wall and
right into the lion's pit. Immediately the lion is stalking
him. The actor backs up as far as he can, and when he sees
no other option, he start screaming  "HELP !"

With that, the lions growls. "Shut up, you idiot, or you'll 
get us all fired!"
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One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for
his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a
bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to
buy a couple of chickens and a goose.

Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases
home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the
anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a
chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other
hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she 
was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 5 Bird
Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I could go
visit my brother at 16 Bird Lane. Let's take a short cut and
go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there".

The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get 
into the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull
down my skirt and ravish me?"

The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2
chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly
hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The young lady said, "That's easy! Set the goose down, put
the bucket  over the goose, put the anvil on top of the
bucket, and I'll hold the silly chickens!"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
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Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

William L. Bates Jr., 
24,
Kansas City,
Missouri

Mother clobbered man, who pulled toddler’s diaper down 
and tried to sodomize her at Missouri playground

A Missouri man is in custody and faces multiple charges
after he allegedly assaulted a 2-year-old girl at a
playground in Kansas City, Missouri, on Friday.

William L. Bates Jr., 24, of Kansas City, is charged with
first-degree attempted sodomy, and attempted statutory
sodomy with a person less than 12 years old, according to
KTLA sister station WDAF.

A 2-year-old girl was playing on a swing at Kemp Playground
near Ninth and Harrison streets when Bates began
“eyeballing” her children, the girl’s mother told police.
The mother said Bates then walked up behind the girl and
snatched her off the swing before grabbing the toddler by
the hips and pulling her diaper down.

The mother said she saw Bates lift his shirt, take his pants
down and begin thrusting against her daughter. Police said
the girl’s mother ran at Bates and knocked him to the
ground, pummeling him with her fists while he was down.

Bates eventually managed to get away and run from the park,
but the child’s mother ran to reStart, a nearby homeless
shelter, and called police.

Officers arrested Bates near the playground, and found he
was carrying marijuana and an unidentified white vial of
fluid with a chemical odor, according to the arrest report.

The mother later identified Bates from a police photo as the
attacker.

At the Jackson County Detention Center, Bates told police he
had gotten a cigarette from someone near the park and
doesn’t remember anything of the incident until he awoke
inside a fenced in area and was taken into custody by
police.

Bates’s bond is set at $150,000 cash only. He was scheduled
to appear in court on Monday.

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Tech Support Pits
From: Moe
Re: Control automatically starting programs

Dear Webby
I always check the ccleaner Startup Tool.

Find a bunch of crap leftover from uninstalls some times
or obnoxious apps... ie google updates. others too.

And also go to the Process section of Task Manager to
End Job if  not needed... Backup crap has gotten terrible
with the cloud or auto  backups.

Then the Services section in Task Manager has more of
the same crap - so can STOP many of the unwanted junk.

Oddly, ccleaner now starts on own. Even if removed. My
Sys Mechanic does a check for unwanted start ups, and
always finds ccleaner. Sometimes two of them. 
Moe
/i>
There you have it from the real Expert.
Moe has been tweaking since fence wire dial-up and if he is
not tweaking his and his inlaws machines, he is reading
about tweaks.

CrapCleaner is in the Tool Box, and also in the side menu.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



>From Deeli 
On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and 
sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my 
very own makeup...   

"Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!"   

My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, 
not a tackle box.   

As I proceeded to open the beauty case and showed 
everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father 
leaned over to my mother and whispered, 
"I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those 
lures."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Soot From Candle Jars
By guest (Guest Post)
Best Answer
The absolute easiest way to clean the soot from a candle jar
is to wipe a dry used fabric softener sheet on the glass.
This tip was posted on ThriftyFun and I have had fantastic
results. Now we don't toss the used fabric softener sheets! 


 
little girl learns the Italian way to use her hands while talking

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Six-year-old  called mother from Charlie's 
house and confessed that a lamp had been broken by 
throwing a ball in their living room.

"But, Mom,"  said, brightening, "you don't 
have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother 
said it was irreplaceable."
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Renovating an 18th century neoclassical French chateau with 96 rooms.


"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school teacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting.  What's his favorite trick?" asked the
teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow!  That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Little Johnny answered,
"One half brother and two half sisters."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________




Today on March 16
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York,
England. 

1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 

1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of
Kanvaha in India. 

1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony,
later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan
tribe in Maine who spoke English. 

1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United
States to join the Red Cross. 

1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was
completed at Glasgow. 

1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 

1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the
inauguration of Gomez. 

1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at
Newport News, VA. 

1915 The Federal Trade Commission began operation. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 

1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-
fuel rocket. 

1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to
Nicaragua. 

1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated
the Versailles Treaty. 

1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 

1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However,
small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 

1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed
after spending a year in jail. 

1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 

1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on
oleomargarine. 

1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting
mostly of women and children. The event is known as the My-
Lai massacre. 

1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing
urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 

1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of
new nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 

1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the
support for one another's internal enemies. 

1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was
kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 

1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 

1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken
hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 

1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North,
Vice Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security
Council, and two others for their involvement in the Iran-
Contra affair. 

1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death
in their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set
nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the
first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved
Gorbachev's agrarian reform plan. 

1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved
large-scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100
members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 

1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for
human consumption. 

1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to
conspiracy to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack
on her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000.
She was also banned from amateur figure skating. 

1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade
plutonium. 

1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American
to visit the Russian space station Mir. 

1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000
suspects for 500,000 murders. 

1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European
Commission announced their resignations amid allegations of
corruption and financial mismanagement.

2017  smiled.







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