Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 11

Dear Carol
You ARE receiving your subscription.
AOL is  censoring and hiding it.
Once your subscription has entered the AOL server, there is
nothing more that I can do about it.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy 
online and easily gets teenage girls to send him 
naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and 
just got himself 6 years.
Details at  Boneheads
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Today, April 11 in
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
"The spirit in which a thing is given determines how 
the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, 
not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed."
--- Seneca the Younger
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get
a sperm count. 

The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this
jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." 

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the
doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as
clean and empty as on the previous day. 

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc,it's like this - First I tried with my
right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right hand, then her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with
the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next
door and she tried too, first with both hands, then
an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing." 

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" 

The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried
we still couldn't get that damn jar open!" 
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______________________________________________________
Hiram lay breathing his last. He rose on one elbow and told
the bedside gathering his last wishes, then began recounting
financial matters. "Don't forget Samuel owes me $7,000."

His wife, Miriam, said, "What a mind the man has, clear as a
bell to the very end."

"And I owe my partner Sid $210,000 for..."

At that point, his wife cut in, "Pay no attention to the poor
man's ravings, he's obviously out of his head."
______________________________________________________



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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Nicholas Taylor,
27,
Barnet, north London, 
England, UK

Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy 
online and easily gets teenage girls to send him 
naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and 
just got himself 6 years.

The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south
Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on
Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15.   He
then coerced them into sending naked pictures of themselves,
which he forwarded to other children, the court heard.

Nicholas Taylor, 27, of Barnet, north London, threatened to
kill himself if they did not comply, a jury heard.
St Albans Crown Court was told that Taylor also forwarded
pictures on to other children and girl guides - where he was
a leader.

Judge Jonathan Carroll described him as every parent's "worst
nightmare".
The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south
Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on
Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15.

At an earlier hearing, Taylor pleaded guilty to six counts of
inciting a child to engage in sexual activity, two counts of
making indecent photographs of a child and one count
distributing indecent photographs of a child.
He was also made subject to a lifetime sexual harm prevention
order.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Euro vis "bent e"

Dear Webby
On items from Europe I see a symbol that looks like a 
slightly bent "e", but the same size as a CAP letter.
Is that a lazy form for the Euro symbol, or what is it?
Ron

Dear Ron
What you call "bent e" is the "Estimated" symbol.
It's a ROUND, not oval "e" with a thin crossbar, straight 
vertical insides and often the open end appears skimpy
or kicked in.

An example of it's use would be a package of Lasagna
noodles. They are not going to file down a noodle to make
the weight of the package exact, and they are not going to
throw in a splinter of a noodle for that either. If you read
"e 1 kg" then that means that at packing time the noodles
weighed approximately 1 Kilogram +/- one noodle.

By the time you get them, they will have dried down 10% 
or more anyway, so that is close enough for Europe.

Because Europeans are used to the Estimated sign, never
use a small e instead of the Euro sign. It would confuse
them to no end. "What does he mean, Estimated 4.95 ?

For the Euro, just write it out if your fonts don't have the
Euro sign.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and
discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the
church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear
to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the
health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should
call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said
he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the
mayor.

Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to
call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard
to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant
and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me
anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to
direct his response.  He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is
my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next
of kin first!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles 
If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't 
like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the 
height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow 
inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and then you can 
just change tea lights each time you want to have 
candlelight.
By QueenBeeCrafts

In case you don't know what a "Tea Light" is, it's those
small candles in aluminum foil cups that you see in some
restaurants to keep food warm, while it is sitting on the 
table or on a serving cart. They cost about a dollar for a 
bag of ten at restaurant suply stores, and about $5 for a
bag with 100 of them in it. 

If you have a choice, get the ones that have a foil covered
cork float for holding the wick up. Those you can replenish
with melted candle drippings and stubs.

If you like the soft glow of a pillar candle with the flame 
deep down in the crater, make sure you drill an air hole
upwards to where the tea light sits. You get a much 
steadier flame, and you avoid melting down the shell.

I have seen fancy and elaborately decorated "Pilgrimage" 
candles that were two, - maybe three, generations old,
and still in fine shape because of an air hole to keep 
them cool.

To reach down and light the wick, use a piece of spaghetti,
not a butane BBQ lighter.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

 
Turkish man trolls ice cream

____________________________________________________

I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, 
so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. 

He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." 

A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of 
what happened.
Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him. 
___________________________________________________


 
A Frank Lloyd Wright one of a kind house is up for sale.


A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, 
"Wake up!  Someone is breaking in!" 

The man had gone through this almost every night for 
20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get 
any rest was to go and check it out.  

This time, however, there was a man with a gun 
who entered to rob the house. 

As the thief was about to leave the man said, 
"You have to go and meet my wife." 

The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?" 

The man explained, "Well, she's been expecting you 
for twenty years."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________




Today, on April 11
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by
the French at the Battle of Ravenna. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns
of Britain. 

1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of
Spanish Succession. 

1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 

1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John
Stevens. 

1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied
European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He
was banished to the island of Elba. 

1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 

1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was
organized. 

1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system. 

1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a
declaration of war with Spain. 

1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared
in effect. 

1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 

1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day
on KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny
Ray and Johnny Dundee. 

1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed.
The building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 

1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York pocket
billiards tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 

1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 

1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as
head of United Nations forces in Korea. 

1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of
World War II war crimes. 

1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was
disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The
astronauts did return safely. 

1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that
resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 

1984 China invaded Vietnam. 

1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the
earth and moon within one inch. 

1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150
days. 

1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger.
President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara had been assassinated on
April 9. 

2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S.
surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since
April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an emergency
landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter
jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. 

2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more than
two million movies. 

2017  smiled.







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