Online Conferencing 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated,
 with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 27 in
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed 
by natives in the Philippines. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he yelled: "@%$# Army! . I'll bet that truck won't be there either!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the stone carver from for these news: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank: Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections." Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been." Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!" Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" Citibank: "Excuse me?" Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?" Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?" Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given) Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care." Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?" Citibank: "That might help." Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Hernandez, 21, Odessa, Texas Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated, with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes A man was arrested after police say he drove a car while intoxicated with an infant and two teens inside and crashed into two homes. Paul Hernandez, 21, has been charged and arrested for Driving While Intoxicated with a Child Passenger, a State Jail Felony. According to the Odessa Police Department, their officers responded to the 900 block of Munos around midnight Saturday for a call of a major crash. When police arrived on scene they found that a white GMC Sierra had crashed into a home in the 900 block before then driving on and crashing into a second home in the same block, according to OPD. Witnesses at the scene were then able to detain the driver until officers arrived. The driver was identified as Hernandez. It was also learned that three passengers were in the car, including a 15-year- old boy, 14-year-old boy and a five-month-old girl. According to police, officers on scene could smell a strong odor of alcohol coming from Hernandez's breath. He was then placed into custody for driving while intoxicated before being transported to the Ector County Law Enforcement Center. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: A.J. Re: On-Line Conferencing Dear Webby I got an ad about on-line conferencing. Compared to on-location meetings $2879 sounds like quite a big saving. How reliable are those on-line conferences? A.J. Dear A.J. Ask your kids to show you how to use Skype for free, and save those $2879. Or send them to me. (The dollars, not the kids!) The secret to good on-line conferences is the same as for on-location conferences: Prepare, prepare, prepare! Make a special folder for the conference, and put all files, that you possibly might need, into that, so that there won't be any emabarrassing pauses while you hunt them down. If at all possible, upload pictures and douments to a conference site beforehand. That's the equivalent of the printed reference material laid out in a traditional conference or meeting. Ideally, you get everybody to read the reference material beforehand, so that everybody knows what the meeting is about, and you don't have to waste time making speeches, but can skip right to the discussion part. Just like with a traditional meeting it is extremely important that you "dont let democracy break out" and the meeting deteriorate into off-topic gossiping by individual groups or pairs. Remind them that their gossip shows in the log and WILL be printed for all attendants. That usually shuts them up and lets you bring everything back on topic. The success of an on-line conference does not really depend on the brand of software you use, but on how well prepared you are, and on how mean a tyrant you are. Using standard meeting calls and procedures are absolutely necessary, if you don't want the conference to deteriorate into a chaotic party. There are huge benefits to on-line meetings. You can have advisors and helpers surround you and feeding you the right links at the right time, draw up diagrams or contracts, and it will all appear to everybody as if you just had done all the homework. While using video works quite well, we found it to be more of a novel distraction than a conference tool, and have not used it for serious meetings since about 1996. Video is better suited to one-on-one meetings like interviewing job candidates or performance evaluation meetings. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Andy for this joke: A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! Let's have a word with the greens keeper. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Your Houseplants in Water By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] How It Works Hydroculture is another word for hydroponics, a method of growing plants in water containing dissolved nutrients. Many of the foods we eat are produced this way commercially, especially in areas where land for cultivating crops is limited. A simple, scaled-down version of this technique is an ideal way to grow many houseplants. Plants are grown in containers filled with water and liquid fertilizer. The plants take in nutrients from a water solution through their "water" roots. After continuously being submerged in water, they have adapted by developing a greater capacity to store oxygen. Once the hydroculture system has been set up, a float in the reservoir indicates when it's time to add more solution. The Advantages No more guessing how much to feed and water. One of the fastest ways to kill a houseplant is by giving it too much or too little water. Or, not understanding how to properly use fertilizer. With hydroculture, feeding and watering requires little more than topping off water levels. In soil, certain nutrients can remain fixed in the soil as insoluble compounds. In hydroculture, nutrients are evenly available to the root system, so plants tend to be more vigorous. Reduces pests and disease. No soil means no more soil born pests, including those creepy little potting soil gnats. You can also say goodbye to mold spores and mildew-a boon for those who suffer from allergies. Lower maintenance. Hydroculture is cleaner and easier to maintain. By eliminating dirt, you eliminate must odors and messy spills. You'll need to water less often, transplant less often, and worry less about leaving your plants unattended while on vacation.
C-17 Globemaster Flyover
____________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooow, Sandy! Do you come here often?." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." ___________________________________________________
19 Pictures That Have Absolutely No Good Explanation For Existing.
>From Randy The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 27
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of

1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of

1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by
natives in the Philippines. 

1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was
established in Cebu City. 

1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna,
on the shores of Tripoli. 

1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day
Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario. 

1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia
seceded from the Union during the American Civil War. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln issued an order to General
Winfield Scott that authorized him to suspend the writ of
habeas corpus between Philadelphia and Washington at or near
any military line. 

1863 The Army of the Potomac began marching on

1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300
Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed. 

1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical
hearing aid. 

1897 Grant's Tomb was dedicated. 

1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 

1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was
the first American woman to become a queen. 

1938 A colored baseball was used for the first time in any
baseball game. The ball was yellow and was used between
Columbia and Fordham Universities in New York City. 

1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 

1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the
first commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 

1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally
segregated races. 

1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any
Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 

1953 Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso
erupted on the island of Kyushu. 

1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It
was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit

1961 The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 

1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 

1967 In Montreal, Prime Minister Lester Pearson lighted a
flame to open Expo 67. 

1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 

1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 

1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington.
Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the
shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 

1982 China proposed a new constitution that would radically
alter the structure of the national government. 

1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11
days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 

1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in

1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President
Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. They claimed that he
had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of
Jews and others as a junior German Army officer during World
War II. 

1992 The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in
Belgrade by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 

1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry
into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 

2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its
maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840. 

2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first
Kremlin leader to visit Israel. 

2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot
One World Trade Center on the site of former World Trade

2017  smiled.

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