Frog Jigging injury 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, April 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support 
for the troops! 

OK, two guys figured out what category they fall in.

It is snowing again, but only a couple of inches so far.
Lawn mower is ready, the grass is not.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a four- some of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but my broken thumb still hurts like hell!" _____________________________________________________ 2 Yesterday I was discussing computers with an acquaintance while waiting in line at the store check-out counter and she told me that she had a new high tech mouse with "no balls!" I have been using an optical mouse for about 20 years, but I couldn't resist a straight line like that. That led me to ask "A mouse with no balls!!!! How does it reproduce?" To which she replied, "Cybersex of course!" _____________________________________________________ 3 A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "It sure is!" "Well, I will talk to my husband about this tonight !" That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." ____________________________________________________ 4 The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence. "Aren't you worried about Tommy's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other girl, "He doesn't do all my writing, anyway!" _____________________________________________________ 5 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too...." _____________________________________________________ 6 [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his ball off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife Lavinia asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. =====================================================



Spaldings?
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Ophelia Dingbatter
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