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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets. Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art. --- Tom Stoppard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles, Not Saying A Word. An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position. As They Passed A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?" "Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story: This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There Than Casinos. Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket Is Passed. Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings. The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In. This Is Done By The Chip Monk! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rehnu Singh, 50, San Jose, California Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And Arrested Her. Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He Said. "I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired," Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything." After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse, Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon. Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50 P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise. Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight Stitches. Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground, Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away. "She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go." As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her With All My Power." Singh Screamed To Witnesses: "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help. "Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Yahoos Re: Switch to regular font size Dear Webby How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font? Similar Messages From Various Yahoos. Dear Yahoos You Got The Regular Version. Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly It Was Something Yahoo Did. Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size. By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address. You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail Address On The Side. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By: If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek. Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning. Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill. Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain. (That's About Aol Tech Support) One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets. Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence. Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience. Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves. After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent. You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive. (The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids Learn To Drive!) A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks, Especially If She Winks Back.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham and Cheese Popovers By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments] Ingredients: 1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents) 1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham) 1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded Directions: Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A Non-Stick Spray. Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent Triangle. Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End, I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll. Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10 Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown. Servings:6 Prep Time:10 Minutes Cooking Time:10 Minutes Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________ A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words Women Use A Day... 30,000 To A Man's 15,000. The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To Repeat Everything To Men. The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?" ___________________________________________________
Let's arm chair travel today.
A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A Supermarket And Had To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support. The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So The Judge Told Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was Forced To Impose A Jail Term. "This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes. Let Us Suppose That There Were Six Tomatoes In The Can. Do You Agree?" The Woman Agreed. "Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail." The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge, "Your Honor, May I Approach The Bench?" "Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will Make An Exception In This Case. You May Approach The Bench." The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His Mother-In-Law In The Backseat. The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone. His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!" His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left." After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"

Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation. 

1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed. 

1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer

1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging. 

1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States. 

1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference. 

1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded. 

1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators. 

1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born. 

1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time. 

1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed." 

1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.

1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People. 

1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.

1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence. 

1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.

2017  smiled.

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