Alarm about 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 12

Thank you, Svend!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor
Today, Aug 12 in
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the 
double-headed sewing machine. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning..." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wife: "I was a fool when I married you." Husband: "I guess you were, but I was so in love at the time I didn't notice for two years." ______________________________________________________ Protector and bodyguard in the wagon _____________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Clayton P. Carter, 51, Wesst Goshen, Pennsylvania Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor The victim G. Brooks Jennings was murdered while his wife watched Clayton stand over her husband and shoot him in the head. Police have charged Clayton Carter, 51, in the shooting death of G. Brooks Jennings. Shortly before 8 p.m. Monday, police responded to the 300 block of Box Elder Drive for a dispute between Carter and Jennings about Carter cursing and noisy video recording in the back yard. Police said they were able to resolve that dispute. Then at approximately 1 a.m. Tuesday, police say the neighbors got into another dispute. Carter told police that Jennings shined a light into his eyes while he was outside. Carter then allegedly pulled a car onto his lawn, shining the high beams of the car on Jennings’ property. Carter then allegedly retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun from his house and confronted the victim again outside. Officials say Carter shot Jennings once in the head, knocking him to the ground. Carter then allegedly stood over Jennings’ body and shot him once more in the head. The victim was on his own property, police said. Jennings’ wife allegedly heard the first gunshot, then saw Carter stand over her husband as he fired the second shot. Police recovered two shell casings, the gun and a knife at the scene. One shell casing was located on Carter’s property. The second shell casing was found on the victim’s property, near Jennings’ body. Carter has been charged with murder and related offenses, and is currently being held at the Chester County Prison. Neighbor Brian Dougherty got emotional when speaking of Jennings. “You don’t want to sound cliche, you see this on TV all the time, but he is probably the nicest, best guy I’ve ever met in my whole life. Really, seriously,” Dougherty said. Police say Carter had disputes with a number of other neighbors, and even pulled a gun on Jennings during a past altercation. Neighbors say Carter was a quarrelsome, argumentative man. Court records claim Carter had a history of disputes with many neighbors. His front yard was crowded with cars and hand lettered anti-Trump signs. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Alarm about Dear Webby, I am getting an alarm about every now and then. Malwarebytes is catching it, but what is it? Noella Dear Noella That is just your W10 phoning the emperor (Microsoft) to fink on what you are wearing and what you are doing with W10. Don't worry about it. Microsoft doesn't care about what you are wearing or about you at all, otherwise we would still have a comfortable XP style user interface. Quite the opposite. They just care about how THEIR W10 is working. That is the data they ordered it to send to their metrix servers. Since you don't own your W10 installation, but are just kindly allowed to use it after paying for it, there is nothing you can do about that. Malwarebytes did an update this evening and is now no longer reporting that your computer is sending data to Microsoft's Metrix servers. They were apparently assured that the data is just metrics about W10 and does not include your bra number, just the cup letters. Just kidding. They are not interested in you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Husband shopping A Walmart store that sells husbands has just opened in town where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow" so she goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, loves kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me! So she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted she goes to the sixth floor and sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Wal Mart's Husband Store -
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Scale To Determine Postage By Chuck [22 Posts, 183 Comments] At times I wasn't certain if outgoing mail needed more than a 1 oz. first class stamp, so I'd have to drive to a post office. I decided to build my own scale and it works. A simple balance-beam scale is easy to build. Comparative mass for a one ounce weight (28.3 grams) is almost exactly the same as five modern US quarters (28.35 grams). In my picture I included five quarters in the packages at each end of the scale. It seems the loaded envelope plus stamp is a tiny bit heavier, so I need to add postage. All I needed was an inexpensive laundry hanger section, a few paper clips, and a tool or two, and I was set. By Chuck1 For rare and occasional weighing once or twice a year that sure beats paying $8 plus shipping for a digital kitchen scale from Amazon! ____________________________________________________
Larry the parrot dials an imaginary phone and has conversation.
____________________________________________________ Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.. I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn...... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the cops. ___________________________________________________
Handprint art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this: You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... People ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Five guys and two women stand up. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ) You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as "branding". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. You Know Your Church! Is A Redneck Church if... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a semi air horn. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Every pick-up truck in the church parking lot has at least 1/8 of a ton of junk, ahem, "potential resources" in the back. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now!! Ya hear!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Dear Webby I recently purchased Mailwasher, and it's been a godsend! Thank you for posting the link! Dawn ____________________________________________________

Today, August 12, in 
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of
Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and
the Europeans lasted for two years. 

1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine. 

1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister. 

1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach
him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War
Edwin M. Stanton. 

1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first
sound recording. 

1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 

1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first

1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August

1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen

1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S.
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications

1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before,
both landed on August 15. 

1964 Mickey Mantle set a major league baseball record when he
hit home runs from both the left and ride sides of the plate
in the same game. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test. 

1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 

1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an
effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have
been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 

1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 

1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981. 

1994 Major league baseball players went on strike rather than
allow team owners to limit their salaries. The strike lasted
for 232 days. As a result, the World Series was wiped out for
the first time in 90 years. 

1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims. 

1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target
that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 

2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-man
crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 

2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco
earlier in the year. 

2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 

2017  smiled.

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