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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 13

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery
Today, Sept 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the 
Plains of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To pull out all his savings before the inlaws get at them ?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Lorna: Government Office Rules 1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. 7) If it's handwritten, type it. 8) If it's typed, copy it. 9) If it's copied, file it. 10) If it's Friday, forget it! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jaijah White, 25, Stephanie Parise, 21, Queana Zemba,21, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery One woman is accused of holding a victim by the hair while three others punched her in the face early Saturday in Harrisburg. Police said they were called to the 200 block of Locust Street at 12:59 a.m. Saturday by a woman who said four women attacked her and took her money. The victim had a swollen and bleeding eye. Three of the four have been charged with two counts of robbery and one of disorderly conduct: Stephanie Parise, 21, of the 500 block of Benyou Lane, New Cumberland; Jaijah Nichole White, 25, of the 200 block of North Harrisburg Street, Steelton; and Queana Zemba, 21, of the 6400 block of Terrace Court. Harrisburg. Police said witnesses told them Parise held the victim by her hair as White, Zemba, and an unknown female struck her repeatedly. White is also accused of taking the victim's wallet and removing her money. Zemba is in Dauphin County prison in lieu of $5,000 bail, while Parise and White posted $5,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Friends List Dear Webby, In reference to Doris not getting the humor letter, you suggested having her put into her friends list or white list. I'm not too sharp on computer lingo, explain friends list and white list. Thanks Lee Dear Lee All spam control programs and most email programs have a list of authorized addresses. Some call it address book, some call it White-List, some call it Friends-List. When an address is in that list, then mail from that address is not checked with the regular junk-mail filters. Dedicated programs like MailWasher let you make very sophisticated filters quite easily using the built in filter maker, and even arrange the filters by seniority. Keep in mind, once a piece of mail has been judged good or bad, it won't be judged again by filters further down the list. Don't sort them alphabetically, but by their priority. For example, move a filter that judges all mail from your daughter as good, up to the top, and a filter, that judges all mail that has the name of a certain pill, way down. That way, even if she jokes about that pill, it will be OK, since her mail has already been judged as good. As long as you keep seniority or priority in mind, filters are really easy and predictable. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Ross for this story and picture: A sweet little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with endless hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in around the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all.... She thought to herself, I know all about milk & dairy farms... I can do this! She sent in her entry & about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out & said "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it." Her entry is here:
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Berry Lime Sorbet By Holly805 [13 Posts, 10 Comments] This sorbet is a sweet, slightly tart treat, that is perfect for the end of summer. It is non-fat and also has reduced sugar content. A honey syrup with whole fruit enhances the consistency and adds natural sweetness. No ice cream maker needed! Perfect for someone looking for a healthier alternative to store bought ice cream or sorbet. Prep Time: 20 min Total Time: Chill overnight Yield: 6-8 1/2 cup servings Source: Trial and error. :) Ingredients: 1/4 cup lime juice 1/3-1/2 cup honey 24 oz frozen mixed berries (1/2 of a 3 pound bag) 2 small frozen bananas, sliced 2 tsp lime zest 2-3 Tbsp almond milk (optional) Steps: Zest and juice 3 to 4 limes. Measure the honey and add with lime juice to a small saucepan over medium low heat. Bring to a low bubble and simmer for two minutes, whisking occasionally. This makes a simple syrup, the necessary element for a smooth texture. Set out the frozen fruit to soften while the syrup simmers. Cool the syrup slightly. Add 1/2 the berries and the banana slices to the blender (the bananas enhance the consistency and cannot be tasted in the finished sorbet). Pour in the steaming syrup over the fruit. The heat from the syrup will soften the fruit enough for blending. Add the lime zest and puree on high, mixing as needed. When the mixture is smooth, stir in the remaining berries. Puree, adding 2-3 Tbsp. almond milk if additional liquid is needed to blend the fruit. Pour the mixture into a freezer safe storage container and freeze for two hours. Next, transfer the partially frozen mixture to a bowl. Beat until the overall consistency is smooth. Freeze for another two hours and repeat this process. The mixture should be more thick, like soft served ice cream. This mimics the churning process of an ice cream maker, which prevents large ice crystals from forming and ruining the scoop-able consistency. Freeze the sorbet for an additional 3-4 hours or overnight. Prior to serving, set the sorbet out to soften for about three minutes. It should scoop easily into nice, compact servings. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
And you thought 6th grade band was boring
____________________________________________________ From Candy My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us. Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen. Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last note: "after September 10, all work will be supervised by my wife and 5 children." ___________________________________________________
An unusual hotel in a nature reserve.
___________________________________________________ A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Donna Enjoy your newsletter everyday and always seem to get a chuckle. There you were today picking on us Southerners for calling all soft drinks a Coke...which by the way is almost always true. Made me think of an incident one year while on vacation in Hawaii. We stopped at a Burger King for a quick lunch and I ordered a mustard whopper and the guy behind the counter said "you must be from Texas". Seems Texans were the only ones who ordered them that way. Donna From Dennis Dear Webby I got a big kick out of the little addition you tacked on to the story about ordering sodas at the movies. I spent my college years in Tennessee and heard that conversation many times. In my area, you had to first ask for a cold drink (that's pronounced "cole drank"). If you didn't specify "coke", you were handed whatever brand of beer happened to be in the fridge (which would have the catch-all tag of "Bud"). Or, you could specify "coke" and then further qualify your choice. The other language barrier issue that most amused/irritated me had to do with hats. I'm from Upstate New York, so if someone mentioned a toboggan, I would think of a sled made of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet long with a curved-up end. In Tennessee, a toboggan is the hat you wear while riding a sled made of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet long with a curved-up end. Thanks for the chuckle on the walk own Memory Lane Dennis From Susan Webby, Thanks for doing a great job. I know it takes a lot of effort, and it's appreciated. -- Susan ___________________________________________

Today, Sept 13, in 
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains
of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 

1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 

1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the
Mexican-American War. 

1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order No.
191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland. 

1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies. 

1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit. 

1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new
airspeed record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged

1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 

1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 

1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned

1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971. 

1971 The World Hockey Association was formed. 

1977 The first US made diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Europeans had them since the 50's because of
gasoline shortages.

1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used
poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and

1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's
barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest
hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere. 

1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major
agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government in
the Gaza Strip and in Jericho. 

1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime
bill into law. 

1998 The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers
added offensive material. 

2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days. 
I remember that. I was supposed to fly to Tennessee on Sept
12. Got to fly on Sept 13. The pilot on the first flight ran
away. It took them over an hour to find a different one.
That caused me to miss the connecting flight from Toronto to
Nahsville. When I finally got to Nashville, the airport was
totally empty and echoing my steps. Scary! 
Didn't stop me, though. 

2017  smiled.

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