Fast shut-down 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 11

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant faces child sex assault charges
 Bonehead
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Today, Oct 11 in
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished. --- Leslie Nielsen (1926 - ) Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times already!" _____________________________________________________ On their honeymoon, the pretty bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edgar Mendoza, 28, Trenton, Pennsylvania Illegal immigrant facing child sex assault charges An undocumented immigrant accused of sexually assaulting a 6-year-old girl will remain locked up at the Mercer County Correction Center pending final resolution of his case. Edgar Mendoza, a 32-year-old citizen of Guatemala, consented to pretrial detention on Friday and told the judge he understood exactly what he was doing. Trenton Police Officer Gilbert Quinones arrested Mendoza on Sept. 19, charging him with counts of burglary, endangering the welfare of a child, sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault. Mendoza is accused of unlawfully entering a Bayard Street home, molesting the 6-year-old victim in her bed and jumping out the second-floor window after the child's father found Mendoza in bed with the victim. After Mendoza jumped out of the window about 1:30 a.m., the father called police and provided a description of the alleged pedophile. Detectives from the Trenton Police Street Crimes Unit later found Mendoza, and the child's parent positively identified him as the man who was in bed with his kid, police said, adding that detectives soon learned the victim had been sexually assaulted by Mendoza. Police recovered a cellphone outside of the home in the area where Mendoza jumped from the window. Police say the phone belonged to Mendoza. The assault victim was taken to the hospital for treatment. Officials said there were two adults and two children in the home at the time of the incident. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, also known as ICE, on Sept. 20 placed a detainer on Mendoza, according to court records. Trenton Police originally said Mendoza is 32, but court records indicated he is either 27 or 28 and listed his place of residence as 64 Washington St., which is located in Trenton's Chambersburg neighborhood not far from Bayard Street. Following delay upon delay and a switch of judges, Mendoza finally made his Superior Court appearance Friday afternoon at the Mercer County Criminal Courthouse. He was represented by public defender Malaeika Montgomery. We've had an opportunity to review the discovery provided by the state, Montgomery said at the hearing before Mercer County Superior Court Judge Peter Warshaw. We are stipulating to probable cause. We are also consenting to Mr. Mendoza's detention. Part of the discovery in the case includes a statement Mendoza gave to police. By consenting to detention, Mendoza declined to exercise his right to argue for release and agreed to be jailed without bail on pretrial detention. Warshaw signed the detention order consistent with Mendoza's wishes. The defendant was supposed to appear in court for a 9 a.m. Friday detention hearing before Superior Court Judge Ronald Susswein. It was not clear why the hearing was moved over to Warshaw's courtroom. Mercer County Assistant Prosecutor Sean McMurtry represented the state at the detention hearing but did not make any public statements about Mendoza's criminal charges or immigration status. Mendoza cannot be deported while he remains incarcerated on pretrial detention. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Automatic shut-down Dear Webby, is there a safe and fast computer shutdown or restart program that will shut down the computer when your not at it? tyvm for all the help Richi Dear Richi Why would you want to do that? You can play with the power options to shut down the hard drive and the monitor after a number of minutes of inactivity. There is no need to buy a fancy program for that. Don`t cut the time so short that everything shuts down if you pick your nose. Give yourself a few minutes. An alternative is to use a screen saver. Stuff all your prayer pictures into a directory that has guaranteed no pictures of old girlfriends, and set the screen saver slide show to use that directory. You can also make one screen size picture that proclaims: "Jesus is watching you!" or "The CIA is currently cataloging Richi`s hard drive. Do not touch the keyboard!" or anything you want. Then set the screen saver to require a password to go away. You can set the screen saver to come on after 1 minute of inactivity, and the hard drive and the monitor to shut down after 5 minutes. The CPU has no moving parts and never wears out. It uses almost no power when there is nothing going on. By the way, the lowest power consumption screen saver is Mystique. It loads into RAM and then does not touch the hard drive after that. It has been in Windows since version 3. Have FUN! DearWebby

A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
John Lennon metamorphosis
____________________________________________________ From Cookie Open letter to President Trump Dear President Trump: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Enrique Peņa Nieto, that I'm on my way? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All government forms need to be printed in English. 4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers. 5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down. 7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Enrique Peņa Nieto to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws. 13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Enrique Peņa Nieto won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with a previous V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help. Sincerely, Cookie __________________________________________________
These black and white tattoos look like photos!
___________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.' This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. "Mayor, you have to do something about the roads and side- walks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen six times this week already!" ____________________________________________________ From Moll I have been copying your Tech Support Pits into a Notetab Pro text file for about 20 years. When I need some info, I use the CTRL F find in it, and it instantly shows what I need, if I was precise enough with my question. The file is getting quite huge, but for 2018 I am going to start a new one. Maybe I will print out the first one as a book! Thanks for all the help! Moll

Today, October 11, in 
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first
invention. The electric machine was used for counting votes
for the U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras. 

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign
was aired. 

1936 The radio show, "Professor Quiz", aired for the first
time. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II,
began in the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The
probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth
and burned up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don
Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts
aboard. 

1971 Hugh Downs left the "Today" show and "Concentration".
He later became the host of ABC's "20/20". 

1975 "Saturday Night Live" was broadcast for the first time.
George Carlin was the guest host. 

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out
of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME,
were switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle
Challenger. 

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in
the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins.
He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National
Palace. 

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.


1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2017  smiled.


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