Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 17
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested 
at Clayton Co. gas station
 Bonehead
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Today, Oct 17 in
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.

 
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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I believe in equality for everyone, 
except reporters and photographers.
--- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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Thanks to Roland for this story:
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he 
needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called 
down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the 
premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, 
"but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that

should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, 
inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at
which 
time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds 
later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and
saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never 
cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 
"Manicures $10."

"Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his
hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and
spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and
they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a 
service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents."

"Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put

fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some

anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. 

When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of 
agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he
was able to withdraw his member 
which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
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Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at 
Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when 
all of a sudden Dale says,
"Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't 
spoken to me in over 6 months." 

Earl sips his beer for a moment and says,
"If I were you, I would think it over very carefully -
women like that are darn hard to find."
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Corey Humes,
Chassity Thomas,
Clayton County,
Georgia

Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested 
at Clayton Co. gas station

Authorities arrested a murder suspect Thursday at a gas
station in Clayton County. 

The Clayton County Sheriff's Office said Corey Humes was
found sitting in a car in the parking lot outside the QT on
Upper Riverdale. Humes is accused of shooting and killing a
man after a drug deal went bad in Houston County. 

"Humes did not stand a chance," the Clayton County
Sheriff's Office said in a news release on Friday.
"Deputies surrounded him so quickly that he did not have
time to reach for the 32 caliber Beretta that his
girlfriend Chassity Thomas was sitting on." 

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Julie
Re: Image stabilizer
Dear Webby,
I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have
an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just 
hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always
been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is
no substitute for a sturdy tripod.
Julie


Dear Julie
An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds
of jittering around and electronically locks that for a
second or two. 

It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high
zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you,
for
example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game,
get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer
off. 

Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off
for butterflies and humming birds.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




This is an ancient classic:
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He 
throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a
few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. 
He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen
window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to
do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, 
"You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, 
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a
kite"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paperclip Bookmark
A paper clip works well as a bookmark, especially if you 
are carrying books in a bag or backpack. The paperclip
won't fall out the way a loose bookmark can.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com


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Evolution of Music

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A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to 
burgle  the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very 
pleased to find a note reading,

"Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. 
Just turn the handle."

He did so.  Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the 
entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started 
clanging.  

As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard 
moaning:  "Can't trust nobody no more!"
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This street artist is painting fake shadows and making people do double takes.

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At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her 
idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. 
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. 
He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. 
And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, 
"Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
___________________________________________________

Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for
their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When
their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away.
The druggist stood there and shook his head.

I asked, "What's with them ?"

He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax
and she's on Prozac."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "do you
have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I 
had two short stories published in national magazines, 
and I finished my novel." 

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of 
skills you could apply during office hours." 

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during 
office hours. OOOPS!" 
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Today, October 17, in 
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George
II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of
exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga,
NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary
War. 

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany. 

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed
from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria
attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted
until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full
U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson
Davis. 

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize. 

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified
radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit
the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused
about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7
billion. 

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara
were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his
execution in Bolivia. 

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened
to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's
other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam
and Las Vegas. 

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th
victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck
to become the record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the
assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel
2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because
of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of
Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a
normal troop rotation. 

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was
kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was
released on April 8, 2002. 

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved
a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's
symptoms. 

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-
foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was
planned to open for business in 2004. 

2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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