Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman who falsely accused soldier of rape
is jailed for five years
 Bonehead
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Today, Oct 22 in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country.
The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs
is a good five-cent nickel.
--- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960)

[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
--- Dan Quayle

The real problem is not whether machines think,
but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner

Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of
flattery.
--- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) 
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station.
People were all crowding around trying to get him out before
the train ran him over. They were all shouting.

"Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up.

Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned
over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?"

"I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man.

"In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!"

The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled
to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely
avoided.

Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers.
"Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools."
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A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach
contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all
woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement,
when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.
She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles
to him.

As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her
three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does
not believe in divorce, ane because she was such a bitch
during the divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten
times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly
fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for
a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds
herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills.

The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the
recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely
contain her anger when she makes her second wish.

The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore
of her own private beach.

In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds
again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished
for, and points down the beach to a small development of
ten such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate
her last wish.

Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman
informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish.
But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that
her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

No problem, said the woman as she grinned in exstasy.
For my last wish...
"I'd like to give birth to twins".
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Banff
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Rebecca Palmer, 26,
in jail in
England

Woman who falsely accused soldier of rape 
is jailed for five years

Rebecca Palmer, 26, was sentenced after she made fake
allegations against a 22-year-old soldier after he "rejected
her".

Rebecca Palmer, 26, had “consensual sexual activity” with
the 22-year-old, a court heard.
But when the soldier – serving with the King’s Royal
Hussars, based in Tidworth, Wilts – ended things she made a
string of allegations, including rape.

Jurors heard Palmer also said she was pregnant but claimed
to have lost the baby in a purported suicide bid.

Prosecutor Joanne Jakymec said: “On being rejected by him
[she] embarked on a malicious campaign which led to him
being arrested on more than one occasion and held in
custody.”

At Winchester crown court Palmer, of Swindon, was found
guilty of perverting justice. She also admitted malicious
communications and perverting the course of public justice.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Eloise
Re: Sorting in WORD
Dear Webby,
Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to
quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I
did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you
please tell me again?
Thanks
Eloise


Dear Eloise
Highlight what you want to sort,
hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT,
then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs.

If you are sorting email addresses that are one address 
per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses
that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a
paragraph break (empty line) between each address block.

If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to
temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, 
sort it there, and then copy it back into the original 
document.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Sam and Anni are at the beach sitting on a
blanket.  A man with a body of a dancer wearing
a bikini swimsuit walks by.
Sam: Hmm... Want ME to wear a Speedo?

Anni: No.

Sam: Why not? I've got nothing to hide.

Anni: That's the problem.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Check shipping before buying online 
Note the Shipping Charge When Bidding On Online Auctions
You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick
that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for
the product, but have a really high shipping price.
Never bid on an item until you have calculated the
cost of your bid and the shipping charge.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com


If you want to see why I feel so strongly about it, have a
look at a typical example that I uploaded:
http://webby.com/docs/Why-not-UPS.html

The item was a little circuit board that could have been
shipped by mail in a padded envelope.

Don't just not bid, tell the seller what kind of shipping is
acceptable to you, and what isn't.
DearWebby

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Thanks to Trevor for this story:
A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one
morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances
out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window
washer outside.

Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her
dress.
The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning
the windows.

Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner.
Still, the man just keeps working away.

Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her
bra and panties and begins parading around her room.
The window washer still takes no notice of her.

Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands
there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window.

At last the window washer puts down his pail and says,
"What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window
washer before?"
__________________________________________________


 
Well, this is a different table.

___________________________________________________

A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday
dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the
Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup."

On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the Gentile
man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently,
the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a
taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a
small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon,
and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be
heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest,
and he quickly finished the soup.

"That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts
of the matzoh?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Ross for these anecdotes of a Washington DC area
travel agent, who thinks she understands from these
anecdotes why we are having problems in the US.

I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years.
Following are examples of why our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle
seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near
the window.

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go
to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight
and the passport information, then she interrupted me with,
"I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is
in Massachusetts,"

Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained,
"Cape Cod is in Massawhosits, Cape town is in Africa,"

Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the
vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view
room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando
is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me,
I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it
possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She
said, “But they look so close on the map."

5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he
could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the
reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in
Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he
said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a
car to drive between gates to save time."

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit
left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained
that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she
couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I
told her the plane went fast, she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put
your physical description on your bag so they know whose
luggage belongs to whom?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?"

She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they
put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m
overweight.
I think that's very rude?"

After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into
it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code
for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package
to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked,
"Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the
train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman
who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked
him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told
my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes
have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-
Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little
computer planes?"

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter
plane.
She said, "Yeah, whatever!"
So I booked her on a flight to Whatever, Alaska.

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the
documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a
lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he
needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many
times and never had to have one of those."

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa
when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four
times and every time they have accepted my American
Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations,
“I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."

The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said,
"Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady.

After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry,
ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and
can't find a Rhino anywhere."

The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where
it is. Check your map!"

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"

"That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!

____________________________________________________
 



Today, October 22, in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University. 

1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first
constitutionally elected president of the Republic of Texas.


1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected
to come to an end according to the followers of William
Miller. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began
withdrawing money from many New York banks. 

1939 The first televised pro football game was telecast from
New York. Brooklyn defeated Philadelphia 23-14. 

1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island. 

1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The
spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times. 

1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi, who had
been installed in Iran by the CIA, was allowed into the U.S.
for medical treatment. 

1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization
was decertified by the federal government for its strike the
previous August. 

1983 At the Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia, an
armed man crashed a truck through front gates and demanded
to speak with U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986
into law. 

1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade
Association agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations
by the year 1993. 

1998 Pakistan's carpet weaving industry announced that they
would begin to phase out child labor. 

1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in
which it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 

1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in
July. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications
downloaded. 

2010 The International Space Station set the record (3641
days) for the longest continuous human occupation of space.
It had been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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