How to fix a slow computer 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 26

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey parents passed out in car
with baby on the back seat
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 26 in
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion 
washing machine. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about', she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dear Mom, Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching his brother Doug how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Jeff was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Rob dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Bruce and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Dave ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kimberly McCaffrey, Sean Gannon Deland, Florida Dopey parents passed out in car with baby on the back seat An 8-month old child was found inside a car while two adults were passed out in the front seats early Tuesday morning, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. Authorities said that a deputy spotted the car in a Circle K parking lot on East New York Avenue in DeLand at about 3:15 a.m. Investigators said the driver’s side door was open and the car windows were fogged. The deputy said he saw a man and a woman unconscious in the front seats. Authorities said the child was in a car seat and was sweating profusely. The sheriff’s office said the child’s diaper was “saturated with fluids and leaking from the diaper edges around the legs.” In a report, the deputy also said that “the appearance of the baby was dirty and it appeared the baby had not been bathed in some time. The baby appeared to be hungry. The baby cried and reached for an empty bottle when she saw it.” The deputy said that when he woke the adults, the woman appeared confused and could not identify where she was. The deputy said the woman had difficulty spelling her name due to her level of impairment. The woman, Kimberly McCaffrey, was placed under arrest on child neglect charges. The deputy said he found a clear plastic baggie with white residue in her left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. The body camera video from the police department shows the officer questioning McCaffrey. “Alright, what are we doing in the parking lot passes out with the door open and a baby in the backseat?” the officer asked. “I apologize,” McCaffrey said. The deputy tested the residue in the baggie and in the syringe, using a NARK #22 test kit. The results were positive for the presence of opiates, authorities said. The two were charged with possession of opiates and later taken to the Volusia County Jail. According to a report, McCaffrey’s mother said that she, “Had been down this road with Kimberly too many times and refused to take custody of the child.” A judge ordered McCaffrey not to have custody with her daughter without permission from the Department of Children and Families. The baby and her two older siblings were placed in foster care. Court records show this is McCaffrey’s first drug arrest in Volusia County. It’s Gannon’s ninth. “The opioid epidemic touches innocent lives every day,” a post on the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office Facebook page reads. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood said the county had 101 overdose deaths last year and 95 so far this year. “The problem is out of control and the collateral damage is the kids,” he said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Slow Computer Dear Webby, my computer is so slow, I have a lot of songs saved , will that make the computer be so slow? also I had a lot saved in my Favorites, would that make it slow? I was just wondering why it is so slow, thanks, Annette. I enjoy your letter every day, keep up the good work. Annette Dear Annette Files saved and favorites stored don't slow down a computer. What slows it down are the following things: Viruses and Trojans Get rid of those with Malwarebytes Tool bars, Search bars and other spyware Get rid of those with Spybot-Search&Destroy Large IN, OUT and TRASH mailboxes Hard drives that are not properly defragmented Temp files and leftovers (Best for that is CrapCleaner from http://webby.com/tools it's free! ) Have FUN! DearWebby

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "WOW! Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Beef Noodle Bake By Robin [5,887 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients: lb. ground beef 1 can chopped mushrooms, drained 1 tsp. salt 1/2 tsp. pepper 2 tsp. sugar 1 can tomato sauce (15oz.) 4 oz. noodles, uncooked 4 green onions, finely chopped 1 cup sour cream, plain or with chives 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup grated cheese Directions: Brown ground beef in skillet. Drain off any grease. Add mushrooms, salt, pepper, sugar and tomato sauce. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. Combine onions, using some of the green tops, with cream cheese and sour cream; blend well. In a greased 2 qt. casserole, spread 1/4 of the noodles, then 1/4 of the ground beef mixture, then spread with 1/4 sour cream mixture on top. Repeat 3 times. Top with cheddar cheese. Bake at 350 degrees F until it bubbles in the center, about 50 minutes if chilled and 35 minutes if unchilled. Makes 6-8 servings. By Robin from Washington, IA Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ If you know the Bible -- even a little -- you'll find this hilarious! This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten attachments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the MagnaCarta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. __________________________________________________
10 Historic cemeteries that made death beautiful.
___________________________________________________ When I was still in middle management, I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Brian staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife, Judy. Judy wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Brian had been until two o'clock in the morning. Brian looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" Judy responded, "Don't go changing the subject! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 26, in 
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of
$7,602,000. 

1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 

1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in
Tombstone, AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two
brothers and Doc Holiday,
and the Ike Clanton Gang. 

1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 

1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa
Cruz during World War II. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended.
The battle was won by American forces and brought the end of
the Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage
from 40 to 75 cents an hour. 

1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great
Britain. 

1955 New York City's "The Village Voice" was first
published. 

1957 The Soviet Union announced that defense minister
Marchal Georgi Zhukov had been relieved of his duties. 

1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris. 

1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S.
agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles
in Turkey. 

1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne. 

1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger
declared, "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 

1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to
officially visit to the United States. 

1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully
landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 

1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death
by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence
Agency. 

1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first
Israeli head of state to visit Egypt. 

1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being
born with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with
the animal heart. 

1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and
Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to
end their arms race. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company,
announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-
486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The French
government made the company reverse itself two days later. 

1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American
icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks
in an Arctic ice pack. 

1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that
terrorists could be planning an attack on a passenger ship
or aircraft. 

1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach
2,000 points. 

1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a
federal correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin
serving a six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 

1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned
after the company recorded its highest losses in history. 

1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord,
which was designed to unify the country. 

1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of
defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
Congress. Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD
scandal. 

1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime
Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.


1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th
National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New
York Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-
fastest player to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had
reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game. 

1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile
warhead. 

2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won
a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The
contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest
defense contract in history. 

2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116
hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or
gunshot wounds.

2017  smiled.


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