Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate 
attempts to get out of ticket
 Bonehead
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Today, Oct 31 in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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For every person who wants to teach there are 
approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much.
--- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, 
given my waist and shirt size?
--- Woody Allen (1935 - )   
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still
far from his destination.  He decided to stop at the next
city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an
hour or two of sleep.

As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to
be on one of the city's major jogging routes.  No sooner had
he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on his
window.  He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight
fifteen."

The jogger said thanks and left.  The man settled back
again, and was just dozing off, when there was another knock
on the window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do
you have the time?"

The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty
minutes past eight!"  The jogger thanked the man and left.

Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew
it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed
him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and
put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"

Once again he settled back to sleep.  He was just dozing
off, when there was another knock on the window.  Another
jogger said, "Sir, it's eight thirty."

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Thanks to Jai for this:
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist
machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on,
you hear the sound of a  thunderstorm.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle.

So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper
aisle.

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Bridge over St. Croix River, MN

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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Alfreda Chaplin, 43,
Central Islip,
NY

NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate 
attempts to get out of ticket

A Long Island woman has been arrested after authorities say
she falsely reported an emergency to avoid getting a
speeding ticket.

Alfreda Chaplin, 43, was pulled over by a Highway Patrol
officer for speeding around 2:05 a.m. on Thursday. Chaplin
told the officer that she was on her way to Brookhaven
Memorial Hospital Medical Center because her mother was
dying, according to WPIX.

The officer told Chaplin that he would follow her to the
hospital to make sure she was telling the truth.

But Chaplin had concocted the story in hopes of getting out
of the ticket. So, on the way to the hospital, Chaplin
called 911 from her cell phone, gave a false name, and
reported that she had been assaulted by her husband, who had
a gun and had left her on the eastbound service road of
Sunrise Highway near exit 46A.

She hoped that the officer escorting her would be called
away.

But authorities were able to determine that the false 911
call had come from Chaplin, and when the escorting officer
pulled her vehicle over again, Chaplin admitted that she
made the false call.

Chaplin was arrested and charged with falsely reporting an
incident and issued a summons for speeding. She was
arraigned Thursday at First District Court in Central Islip.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jane
Re: Too much contrast
Dear Webby, 
When I take pictures that include shaded areas and sunlit
areas, or indoor pictures that are unevenly lit, I wind up
with pitch black areas. I never had that problem when I
was using film, and I see with your pictures, that not
everybody has that problem. What do I need to do
differently?
Jane

Dear Jane
That is normal with low end cameras, especially if they
have a tiny lens.

Better cameras takes a light reading through the lens, and
average out a number of different spots in the picture, or
read a spot at the center. Cheaper cameras have a light
meter at the front that just averages anything in front of
it.

Most digital cameras let you stash a reading by partially
depressing the shutter. Focus at a dark or shaded area,
partially depress the shutter, and then point the camera
to the picture composition you want. It will then take the
picture as if everything was in the shade. Some areas will
be slightly overexposed, and the sky may be white, but
the shaded areas won't be black.

A slightly more expensive camera will take care of that.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




A minister in a little church had been having trouble with
the collections.

One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection
plate, I would like to request that the person who stole
the
chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from
giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord doesn't want money
from a thief!"

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first
time in months everybody gave.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"My poor man", said the kind old lady to the beggar,
"it must be dreadful to be lame.  But think how much
worse it would be if you were blind."

"You got that right, lady," agreed the beggar. "When
I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Old Jeans 
When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for
wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft
projects. Denim is durable and great for making purses or
sleeves to hold tools.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________

Two ladies were chatting and one asked the other, "What
would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?"

The second lady said, "Another woman with MY husband?
Let's see; I would break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and
call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped
from."
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I thought this would be apropos for Halloween.

The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter
while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers.
Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his
purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was
impatiently waiting in his car.

"What took you so long, son?" he asked.

"The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the
boy replied. "But I got even."

"How?"

"I wound and set all the alarm clocks and kitchen timers
while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily.
"It's going to be a noisy place in about half an hour."
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Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Mary was married to a male chauvinist.  They both worked
full time, but he never did anything around the house and
certainly not any housework.  That, he declared, was woman's
work.

But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the
children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and
another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully 
set table, complete with flowers.

She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what 
was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had
read a magazine article that suggested working wives would
be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from 
having to do all the housework in addition to holding down
a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the
office.

"How did it work out?" they asked.

"Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said.  "Charley even
cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the 
laundry and put everything away."

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.

"It didn't work out," Mary said.  
"Charley was too tired."

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Today, October 31, in 
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 

1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved
a standard uniform for postal carriers. 

1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 

1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 

1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows. 

1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain. 

1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of
work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and
Abraham Lincoln were finished. 

1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 

1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule. 

1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not
marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 

1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole. 

1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort
Worth, TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S.
At the time he was in Moscow, Russia. 

1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was
removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display. 

1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all
U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 

1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as Wal-
Mart Stores, Inc. 

1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great
Britain. 

1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during
the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 

1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated
near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son,
Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 

1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns
had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles
Taylor were blamed for the murders. 

1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72,
plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 

1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life
in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in
the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released
after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 

1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with
U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the
country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's
invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 

1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket,
MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 

1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran
Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of
Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal
dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 

2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a
tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against the
software company. 

2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 

2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final
shipment of VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last
major United States supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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