How to fix a slowed down computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 12
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested for baking roommate’s ferret 
alive in the oven
Today, November 12 in
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules
Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the
designer of the garment that is named after him. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
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______________________________________________________ One man's folly is another man's wife. --- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Donny Subject: STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% THE STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM (No laughing allowed) I wanted to give him 100%! but I was told that it wouldn't politically correct. Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? *His last battle Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? *At the bottom of the page Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state? *Liquid Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce? *Marriage Q5.. What is the main reason for failure? *Exams Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast? *Lunch & dinner Q7.. What looks like half an apple? *The other half Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? *Wet Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? *No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? *You will never find an elephant that has one hand. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? *Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? *No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and commercial and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, it's mid afternoon. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If it's a Coast Guard aircraft it's two hours to Happy Hour. If it is a private airplane, it's around 3 PM." ______________________________________________________ Barrientos Island, Antarctica _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" There was a long pause. Finally, the girl got his attention by stomping on his toes, looked over at the apprehensive young man and firmly said, "Put down 'yes.'" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ivana Clifford, 26, Manchester, New Hampshire Woman arrested for baking roommate’s ferret alive in the oven A woman in Manchester, New Hampshire, is facing an animal cruelty charge after she allegedly killed her roommate’s pet ferret by cooking the small animal the oven. Ivana Clifford, 26, was arrested early Wednesday morning after officers responded to a report of smoke in an apartment building. “The smoke detector woke us up,” her roommate, Cara Murray, told CBS Boston. The smoke was coming from the apartment’s oven. When her boyfriend, James Klimavich, opened the appliance, he found a dead ferret inside, she said. The ferret was Angel, one of three belonging to Murray. Angel was “very friendly, she was so cute, she was very energetic, she would run around with the other ferrets,” Murray told CBS Boston. “How can someone be so cruel to put an animal in your oven? Cooking it alive?” Murray said in an interview with WHDH. Firefighters confirmed to the station they found a ferret covered in burn marks in the apartment. “We love our animals so much. It was just devastating,” Murray said. Murray and Klimavich fingered Clifford as the suspect, and told police she was staying with them because she was 8 months pregnant, according to New England Cable News. Clifford was charged with one count of animal cruelty. She pleaded not guilty during her arraignment on Wednesday. Clifford allegedly told police she killed the pet because Murray had stolen her clothes, but Murray believes did it because Angel bit Clifford a few hours earlier. “Just nipped her, didn’t even draw blood, and that’s why she killed our ferret,” Murray told New England Cable News. Judge Gillian Abramson said the allegations against Clifford ?display a profound sense of sadism” and set bail at $10,000, according to WMUR TV. Murray is worried about Clifford’s ability to mother a child once she gives birth. “If she can throw a live ferret in the oven, what makes you think she won’t throw a baby in the oven if it cries?” Murray told NH1 News. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Computer slowed down Dear Webby, My computer has become very slow. I have done Defrag, etc.and turn it off at night to let it 'rest'. When I type a word, it has a delay and then the word is jumbled. Any suggestions? Denise Dear Denise Neither defrag nor resting have anything to do with that problem. I have not done a defrag for probably 3 years, and I don't turn my computer off to rest. I Restart it about once a month. And it runs just fine. 1) Run Malwarebytes to get rid of any really bad shit 2) Run Spybot-Search&Destroy 3) Run CrapCleaner 4) Run Should I Remove It from and get rid of any crap programs, that you don't really need or want Restart After that everything should be running smoothly. If you do it in that order, your machine will be as fast as it was when you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young boy was one of those little terrors who was hard to control. His father was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday. He said, "Do you really believe that will improve his behavior?" She said, "Well, no, but it will spread it over a wider area."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Put Mayo Between Meat and Cheese To Prevent Soggy Sandwiches By Jessica [3 Posts, 18 Comments] My son loves Bologna and Cheese sandwiches with Mayo, but I've always hated knowing that by lunch he was eating a soggy sandwich. SO, I started putting the mayonnaise on between the bologna and cheese so that the bread doesn't get soggy. It's worked wonders and he doesn't complain. By Jessica from Richmond, KY Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years to get a car after you paid for one. Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car. He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get the car. "It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from today". The man signed the papers, started waliking away and then stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be ready at the morning or at the afternnon". "What difference does it make?", asked the salesman. "Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in the morning". __________________________________________________
Sweden seems to have more vintage 1950s American cars than America.
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, brave Oyster Slayer, they sure do." he replied. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
DearWebby just want to thank you for the humor every day , I can't wait until the next morning to read it . I always learn something and start the day with a chuckle. Jim ____________________________________________________

Today, November 12, in 
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor
shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 

1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules
Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the
designer of the garment that is named after him. 

1892 William "Pudge" Heffelfinger became the first
professional football player when he was paid a $500 bonus
for helping the Allegheny Athletic Association beat the
Pittsburgh Athletic Club. 

1915 Theodore W. Richards, of Harvard University, became the
first American to be awarded the Nobel Prize in chemistry. 

1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent

1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet
Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party
leading to Stalin coming to power. 

1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
It was to be the new home of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began
between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a
major victory. 

1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz"
was surrounded and sunk off the coast of Norway. 

1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the
Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL. 

1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier
Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to

1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking
out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the U.S.
District Court in Philadelphia. 

1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York
Harbor, closed after processing more than 20 million
immigrants since 1892. 

1964 Paula Murphy set the female land speed record 226.37

1972 Don Shula, coach of the Miami Dolphins, became the
first NFL head coach to win 100 regular season games in 10

1975 U.S. Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas retired
because of failing health, ending a record 36½-year term. 

1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports
from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage
the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 

1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles
of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 

1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late Leonid
I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet Communist
Party's Central Committee. 

1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen
snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space

1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced to
life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his
brother, John A. Walker Jr. 

1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy
statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse
to treat someone solely because that person had AIDS or was

1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the
Chrysanthemum Throne. 

1991 In the U.S., Robert Gates was sworn in as CIA director.

1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to
dock with the Russian space station Mir. 

1997 Four Americans and their Pakistani driver were shot to
death in Karachi, Pakistan. The Americans were oil company

1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq
for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 

1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993
bombing of the World Trade Center. 

1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form
Daimler-Chrysler AG. 

2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after
take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300
crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260
people aboard were killed. 

2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken
Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther
Alliance at this point was reported to have control over
most of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 

2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment
Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of
millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002
movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the
Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. 

2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British
painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud
sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 

2013 In New York, it was announced that the new World Trade
Center was the tallest building in the United States. The
height was measured at 1,776 feet. The building was also the
fourth tallest building in the world at the time. 

2013 U.S. Airways and AMR reached an antitrust settlement
with the U.S. Department of Justice which would allow a
merger that would create the world's largest airline. 

2014 NATO commander Gen Philip Breedlove reported that
Russian military equipment and Russian combat troops had
been seen entering Ukraine in columns over several days. 

2014 The European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft used its
lander Philae to perform the first soft landing on a comet.
The comet was 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. 

2017  smiled.

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