Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 14
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Brooklyn wacko, who slashed throat of 
ex-girlfriend's friend, charged with murder
 Bonehead
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Today, November 14 in
1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane)
began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules
Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less
than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the
following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
--- Mel Brooks (1926 - )

Nothing is really work unless you would rather 
be doing something else.
--- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937)
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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>From Sue
One of my most difficult jobs as a flight attendant is to   
enforce rules while keeping customers happy. The electronic

equipment that comes on board creates the biggest challenge.


I walk the aisle asking passengers to turn off computers,   
electronic games and cell phones, which can create inter-  

ference in communications between the pilot and the air   
traffic control tower.   

During one landing, a man persistently kept his cell phone  

at his ear. I confronted him and said, "Sir, you cannot   
talk on your phone until we reach the gate."   

"I am not talking," he replied. "My wife is talking.
I'm listening." 
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"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish
young lady.
"What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.

The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze,
you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."

"Of course," explained Grandpa.
"How else can I catch my teeth?"
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.
He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours.
Well, actually, she spoke for four hours while I near
the phone was..."

Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Ruslan Baimov,
Brooklyn,
New York

Brooklyn wacko, who slashed throat of 
ex-girlfriend's friend, charged with murder

A Brooklyn woman whose throat was slashed by her friend’s
deranged ex-boyfriend has died, police said Wednesday.

Larysa Saad, 42, was taken off life support at Coney Island
Hospital on Tuesday — 10 days after police say Ruslan Baimov
ripped her throat open during a bloody attack in Seagate.
Family members plan to donate Saad’s organs, police said.

Saad’s ex-husband wanted to keep her alive, hoping she would
recover, her landlord Joseph Nikosevic said.

She was making tea in her friend’s apartment on Neptune Ave.
when Baimov pushed in an air conditioner and climbed through
an open window just before midnight on Oct. 28, police said.

Saad’s friend had recently broken up with Baimov, 40, who
lives in the same building on an upper floor.

“It's so sad,” Nikosevic, 64, said. "You should never help
anybody. You seen what happens? She lost her life."

Baimov slit Saad’s throat and then stabbed and raped his ex-
girlfriend — all while the woman’s 11-year-old daughter hid
in a bedroom, authorities said. He then allegedly held the
two women hostage for hours, alternating between kissing his
wounded former paramour and threatening to kill her.

Saad remained on the ground in a pool of her own blood,
gurgling and gasping for air, her 42-year-old friend told
the Daily News.

Baimov left the apartment about four hours after he broke
in. Saad was rushed to Coney Island Hospital, where she was
put on a respirator.

Baimov is charged with attempted murder and rape.

He was ordered held without bail following his arraignment
on Oct. 31.

The Brooklyn District Attorney will increase the charges to
murder at Baimov’s next court appearance, sources said.  
He will of course also have charges for burglary of an
occupied dwelling, assault with a deadly weapon and rape.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Alice
Re: Mail not getting through
Dear Webby, 
I am sending this from a friend's computer, because mail
from my computer does not seem to get through to anybody.
What could be the cause of that? My regualr address is
alicer@...
Alice

Dear Alice,
The reason your mail is blocked by everybody is because
you use an autoresponder. That makes you look like a silly
moron and a nuisance, and your address gets blacklisted.
You absolutely do NOT need to tell anybody, that their
email arrived and that you will look at it when you get
around to it or the next business day. That just annoys
people.

Most spam control programs recognize autoresponders,
automatically dump mails from them and blacklist that
address.

Get rid of that dumb autoresponder and change your
address. Most likely your friends will forgive you for
having annoyed them with an autoresponder.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Reply from Alice

Dear Webby
At first I was miffed at your reply, that sounded like you
had preached the same thing too many times. Pardon me for
not having been subscribed as long as others.
Then I phoned my daughter, hoping she had a different
explanation.

Well, golly, she didn't. And she had me blacklisted! Not on
purpose, but as you said, anything that smells like an auto-
responder gets dumped and the sender blacklisted.
Now I dumped my autoresponder, and the stupid book that
recommended it.
Thanks
Alice


Autoresponders are only justified when they deliver
requested information, like for example a price list, or
weather update, or event schedule, or even race results when
somebody sends a blank email to a certain address. Other than that, it's best to avoid them like the plague.




An English teacher often wrote little notes on student
essays. She was working late one night, and as the hours
passed, her handwriting deteriorated.

The next day a student came to her after class with his
essay she had corrected. "I can't make out this comment you
wrote on my paper."

The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a
minute, sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write
more legibly!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring
for some time at the only woman seated at the bar,
walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and
slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and
explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.
You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good
drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound like her."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Seeds
Seeds that you didn't get around to planting this year
should be fine next year if stored properly. Most seeds can
be stored for 3 to 4 years. The key will be storing the
seeds in a cool, dry, and dark place. Keep the temperature
between 40 and 50 degrees F. It's best to store them in a
moisture-proof, sealed container.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
If you have ever seen a "Superbloom" in Death Valley, when
wind blown seeds, that have been laying dormant for 50 years
or since the last good rain, finally get a rain and just
explode in a total color festival, then you stop worrying
about storing seeds. Temperature and temperature changes
from 100 degrees in the afternoon to near freezing at
sunrise mean absolutely nothing to dry seeds.
Just keep them dry.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Thanks to Honey & Joe for this story:
Married 52 years, I took a look at my wife Julie yesterday
and said, "Honey, 52 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a
cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black
and white TV, but I go to sleep every night with a hot 25
year old chick.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma
screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70+ year old woman. It
seems to me that you are not holding up your side of
things."

Now Julie is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot 25 year old chick, and she would make sure
that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment,
driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
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A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly,
also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the
evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.

"Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the
army," the general said.  "Nothing to it-you'll catch on
again fast."

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly
entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes,
gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other
side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom
and said, 
"OK, bunny, it's back to the village for you."
__________________________________________________


 
Beautiful, amazing paper sculptures.


While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand
new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong
to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian
crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his
shorts. "What's that?" she asked.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful,
I had tennis elbow once...."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the 
double opt-in confirmation request.


http://flightaware.com/

Thanks for the entertainment everyday!  Thought some of
your readers would enjoy watching loved ones fly away or
to them.
Gayle

____________________________________________________
 



Today, November 14, in 
1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York
City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30
people. 

1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first published
in the U.S. 

1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination
of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and hanged
the following year. 

1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane)
began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules
Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less
than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the
following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 

1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) began
domestic radio service. 

1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the
Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new
constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned
for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4,
1946. 

1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most
of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe
bombers attacked. 

1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight
was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in Los
Angeles. 

1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 

1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 

1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy,
FL. 

1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur
Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became the
first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 

1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 

1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. Mark
Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 1992, and
Princess Anne re-married. 

1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the
United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the
taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in
Tehran, Iran. 

1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made cruise
missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air base amid
protests. 

1988 Israeli President Chaim Herzog formally asked Prime
Minister Yitzhak Shamir to form a new government. 

1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour stand-
down in the wake of a recent string of serious accidents. 

1990 Simon and Schuster announced it had dropped plans to
publish Bret Easton Ellis novel "American Psycho." 

1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom
Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 

1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear complex
for the first time under an accord that opened such sites to
outside inspections. 

1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown,
closing national parks and museums while most government
offices operated with skeleton crews. 

2012 The game Candy Crush Saga was released as a mobile app
for iPhones. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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